Page 172 of Wicked Savage Wolves
Another nod. “Okay. Thanks.” She gives me a forced smile and this time when I turn to leave, she doesn’t stop me.
Fuck. I wish she did.
74
Jo
Watching Jordy leave with César is torture. Not only because my heart is breaking and because it’s hard sharing César, but also because any thoughts I had of the three of us being a family, a real family, have been shattered.
Hope—that one word means so much, and I now have none of it.
We’re not a couple anymore. I don’t know that we ever really were. What we are is co-parents. Two people who need to navigate parenting our child responsibly as a unit.
I watched the videos. Read the books. Listened to the podcasts about effective co-parenting. Anything I could get my hands on this weekend, I binged it. And the biggest takeaway from them all was how complicated having a romantic relationship with the other parent is. How detrimental it can be to your child’s well-being if things don’t work out. How it’s safest and often best to just shelve any ideas of a romance and focus on your child’s needs. So that’s what I’m going to do.
César has to come first. Always.
I won’t lie, I’m relieved Jordy didn’t cheat. Relieved he wasn’t hooking up with Georgia Draven or anyone else all this time behind my back. Truly, I am. But this is for the best. Even if it sucks. Even if it feels like my insides are being ripped out of my chest. The pain will go away eventually, right? I mean, it has to. Isn’t that how the saying goes? Everything gets better with time? That’s all I need. More time.
School is strange the following week. Isa is still my friend. So are Meiying and Zheng, but things are noticeably different. I arrive at school on time as usual and take César with me to first period. Like the other days before, Desmond greets me once the bell rings and takes César for second, since he has a non-schedule.
“Everything good?” he asks. And while innocent enough, it feels like a loaded question.
I force a smile past my lips. “Yeah. Great.”
His dark brown eyes drill into me and I can see the wordliarhanging in the air between us. Thankfully, he keeps it to himself.
“I’ll see you at lunch.”
I swallow hard and nod, wondering if maybe I should just keep César. This is awkward, to say the least. I don’t want him to feel obligated to help me, especially now that Jordy and I aren’t, well, anything.
“I…umm…you don’t have—”
He shakes his head. “Whatever is going on with you and J, that’s between you two. It doesn’t affect me helping out.”
My shoulders sag. “Are you sure?”
He nods and without another word, turns and heads for the library, César safe and snug in his arms.
Meiying approaches me on the way to my next class, her expression more subdued than usual. “You doing okay?” she asks, linking her arm with mine. I wish people would stop asking me that.
“As good as can be expected,” I tell her, which is the truth.
“You know, you don’t have—”
I cut her off. “Yeah, I do. You know I do.”
Her lips press into a tight line.
“Meiying, you know how he is with girls. They throw themselves at him every chance they get. Besides, we were never end game. He was never going to settle down with someone like me.” Someone who wasn’t a shifter. And that fear, that doubt, isn’t something I can make go away. It will eat at my self-confidence. It will tear at the threads of any relationship we attempt. I’m insecure and I know it. I look at these girls with their perfect looks, perfect bodies, and know I don’t compare. Not when my stomach is soft, my skin loose and stretch marks streak across my skin. They’re in their prime and I’m, well, not.
Her expression is tight, but she nods. “I know, and I know I’ve always given him hell for being a player, but,”—she hesitates—“he was at my house this weekend.”
I frown. “What for?” I know he and Zheng are friends, but they don’t strike me as close. The relationship between Zheng and the other guys seem to mainly exist because of Isa’s influence and maybe Rafael’s acceptance, though I’ve never outright asked.
A shrug. “I don’t really know, to be honest. All the wolves came over and hung out for a bit before going to pick up César from you.” She bites her bottom lip. “I wasn’t supposed to be eavesdropping but…“
When she pauses, my chest tightens, almost like my body is bracing itself for her next words. The urge to shake her and make her tell me everything is whirling through me like a storm, but I force myself to inhale, take a deep breath, exhale. Let it go. It doesn’t matter what was said. It doesn’t matter if he’s upset or relieved or anything. I made my decision. This is for the best.
