Page 169 of Wicked Savage Wolves
The hole in my chest grows wider and wider. This is good. This is what I wanted. But if that's true, why are tears still streaming down my face?
We turn a corner, and the tears come faster. Angry, hurt, confused sobs wrack my body, making my chest heave and my shoulders shake.
I bury my face in my hands, a keening sound escaping my lips. Jae pulls over on the side of the road and I hear him unbuckle both our seat belts before shoving his seat back as far as it will go and dragging me into his lap. His arms wrap around me and he holds me tight in a fierce embrace. “It’s going to be okay,” he tells me, but I have no reason to believe him. No part of what happened tonight feels like it will ever be okay.
“You’ve been drinking, Jo. Things might look different in the morning,” he tells me.
I don’t bother responding. He wasn’t there. He doesn’t know anything.
I don’t know how long we sit there on the side of the road, but eventually my sobs subside, leaving behind a gaping pit in my chest. “I’m sorry,” I tell him when I can form words again. “I didn’t mean to drag you into this. I just—”
“Don’t apologize. I’m here. For whatever you need. I’ll always be here, okay?”
I nod against his chest, taking a few precious seconds to pull myself together before I lift my head from his chest and climb over the center console, taking my seat again. I wipe the tears from my face and suck in a shuddering breath. Get it together, I tell myself, and decide here and now that I will be fine. I’ve been through a lot. I’m strong. I’m independent. And I can do this on my own. I’ve already proven that. I don’t need Jordy to be whole. Brick by brick I will put myself back together. I won’t become my mother. I won’t settle for a man who doesn’t really love me.
73
Jordy
She won’t take my calls. I know she moved in with Jae, but I don’t know where the fuck that even is. She picked César up this morning. Desmond called to let me know she showed up at his place, but I wasn’t able to make it there fast enough to intercept her, and KeAnna refused to tell him what time she was coming for me to plan ahead.Fuck. I should have just showed up at seven this morning and waited. That would have been the smart thing to do. The creepy stalker thing to do, but I could live with that.
The girls are locking down hard. Even Isa is vague-booking shit. Telling me to give Joaninha space. That she just needs time to think.
No, the fuck she doesn’t, because all she’s doing is thinking about shit that never fucking happened. Giving her time and space right now is not going to help me in the least. It’s only going to make shit worse.
“Take a breath,” Isa says, handing me a cup of something warm. Cocoa by the looks of the mug. I accept the drink and take a sip, immediately recognizing the spiced flavor of Abuela’s hot chocolate, but I barely taste it. Everything feels bland to my senses, my world a colorless haze of gray.
I take another drink, hoping the warmth will seep into my bones and calm me down, but it does nothing for me. My leg won’t stop bouncing. My mind is racing a mile a minute trying to come up with a way to win my girl back. If I could just talk to her…
“Jordy?”
I look up from my cup.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop. It’s not that bad,” Isa says, dropping down into Rafael’s lap and leaning against him. We’re sitting in their living room—Desmond, Rafael, Isa and I—as I try to come up with a plan, but so far, I’ve got nothing.
I scrape my bottom lip through my teeth and shake my head. “You don’t know that. You didn’t see the look on her face when she left—”
“She thinks you cheated. That this probably isn’t the first time,” Isa admits as if I don’t know that already, but hearing it aloud pisses me right the fuck off.
“I didn’t cheat!” I snarl at her, shoving to my feet. “I never cheated. Not once.”
Rafael glowers at me. “Calm the fuck down and don’t yell at her,” he bites out, his wolf bright in his eyes.
Desmond’s hand on my shoulder stops me from stepping closer, so instead I sit back down, my shoulders slumping in defeat. “I didn’t fucking cheat. I told you guys what happened. I wouldn’t—”
“We know,” Isa says. “And we believe you. Just… give her some time. Right now, she’s hurt and—”
“She doesn’t need to be. If she would just talk to me. Let me explain. I could fix this.”
Isa nods her head, a solemn look in her dark brown eyes. “I know. But she asked for some space. You need to give her that. Let her realize her mistake on her own terms. Don’t push her or you’ll end up pushing her away. You have a visit with César tomorrow, right? It won’t kill you to wait one more day to see her.”
I tighten my jaw, my wolf agreeing with me that itmight.
I hate that I’m using the visit too. I want to see my boy. I have the right to. But I won’t lie. I’m one hundred percent leveraging that against her as a way to make her see me. The only communication I’ve had from Joaninha since last night is a text saying she’ll send me the address to Jae’s tomorrow an hour before my scheduled time to pick up César. That was it. This wasn’t even supposed to be our first one-on-one visit. I was going to hang out with her. With them. But I guess she’s pissed enough to rush our timeline along. I should be happy about that. I get my boy. But, fuck. I want her too.
She won’t even leave her phone on long enough for me to respond. I can’t lose her. The thought alone has me feeling paralyzed. Helpless. There’s this ache in my chest that won’t subside. I don’t want to be without her. She’s…she’s everything. The other half of me. I won’t lose her. Not over something like this.
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