Page 69 of Savage Devil
“I… umm… you don’t have—“
He shakes his head. “Whatever is going on with you and E, that’s between you two. It doesn’t affect me helping out.”
My shoulders sag. “Are you sure?”
He nods and without another word, turns and heads for the library, Luis safe and snug in his arms.
Kasey approaches me on the way to my next class, her expression more subdued than usual. “You doing okay?” she asks, linking her arm with mine. I wish people would stop asking me that.
“As good as can be expected,” I tell her, which is the truth.
“You know, you don’t have—“
I cut her off. “Yeah, I do. You know I do.”
Her lips press into a tight line.
“Kasey, you know how he is with girls. They throw themselves at him every chance they get.” And that fear, that doubt, isn’t something I can make go away. It will eat at my self-confidence. It will tear at the threads of any relationship we attempt. I’m insecure and I know it. I look at these girls with their perfect looks, perfect bodies, and know I don’t compare. Not when my stomach is soft, my skin loose and stretch marks streak across my skin. They’re in their prime and I’m, well, not.
Her expression is tight, but she nods. “I know, and I know I’ve always given him hell for being a player but”—she hesitates—“he was at my house this weekend.”
I frown. “What for?” I know he and Aaron are friends, but they don’t strike me as close. The relationship between Aaron and the other guys seem to mainly exist because of Allie’s influence and maybe Roman’s acceptance, though I’ve never outright asked.
A shrug. “I don’t really know to be honest. All the Devils came over and hung out for a bit before going to pick up Luis from you.” She bites her bottom lip. “I wasn’t supposed to be eavesdropping but….“
When she pauses, my chest tightens, almost like my body is bracing itself for her next words. The urge to shake her and make her tell me everything is whirling through me like a storm, but I force myself to inhale, take a deep breath, exhale. Let it go. It doesn’t matter what was said. It doesn’t matter if he’s upset or relieved or anything. I made my decision. This is for the best.
I squeeze her arm. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.” My smile is forced, but I keep the expression until we reach the door to my next class. “I gotta go, but we’ll talk later.”
“Oh.” Her nose scrunches. “Are you sure?”
“Yup. Don’t worry about it.”
I wave and go into class, counting my steps as I go.This is for the best, I remind myself for what feels like the one hundredth time. It has to be.
* * *
Lunch is weird,but what did I expect? Emilio takes Luis as soon as Dominique arrives, and I let him. It’s what we agreed to. He isn’t coming over every day anymore, so we agreed he could have Luis at lunch and during fourth. He’s also picking him up twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We haven’t worked up to overnights yet and I’m thankful for that. I don’t know when or if I’ll be ready for that step anytime soon, and like we’d agreed before everything unfolded, he’s letting me set the pace. I get to make the big decisions and he’s not pushing for more than I can give where Luis is concerned.
Dominique, Roman, and Emilio are on one side of the lunch table. Kasey and I on the other. With Aaron and Allie in the middle, acting as a divider between our two groups. The division doesn’t go by unnoticed, and already people are starting to look and whisper.
“So, this Thursday,” Kasey hedges, “You’re sure you want—“
“Yes!” I say, hoping to cut her off before the boys overhear us. I lower my voice to keep our conversation private. “I need the job and I’m really grateful you were willing to talk to your aunt for me.”
She smiles and nods her head, blond curls bouncing with the movement.
Kasey’s aunt runs the Sun Valley Station, a local diner Allie works at and that Kasey sometimes helps with. Kasey doesn’t need a job, nor does she particularly want one, so she was more than happy to put in a good word for me if it meant getting her out of picking up the vacant shifts. It’s only two days a week—Thursdays when Luis is with Emilio, and then on Sundays. Monique has offered to watch him anytime I need the help and I gratefully accepted the offer, but I know I need to give Emilio the option first. If roles were reversed, I’d want the option of more time with my son before leaving him with a sitter, even if it was a friend. Co-parenting the right way. Right?
“Okay, then I guess just show up on time and you’re all set. Allie works this week so she can show you the ropes.”
“Sounds good.”
A girl walks up to our table, a determined look on her face. She has a little extra swing in her step and her entire focus is zeroed in on Emilio. She reaches him and says something, but I can’t make out the words. She laughs. I look away, but still track their movements in my peripheral. Emilio turns his head to look at me. I can’t make out his facial expression but having Kasey close by means I don’t have to.
“I think he’s gauging your reaction,” she whispers low enough for only me to hear.
I sigh hard and shrug. “I don’t know why. He can do whatever he wants. He doesn’t have to worry about my feelings.” I force a smile and climb to my feet. “Thanks again for talking to your aunt.”
