Page 17 of Secret Heart
TRISTON
Itry to count back the months, the almost two years, trying to figure out how this is remotely possible. Had she known before I’d left? Had they chosen to not contact me, decided that keeping me out of it would be simpler for them? Something hot and acidic festers in my chest, squeezing my lungs. They wouldn’t do that, would they? My mind spins. Or… or maybe they thought it would be simpler for me? Had they worried a baby would mess up my jump to the pro circuit? It could have been the mess with that damn buckle bunny, too. I’d been doxxed not long after I’d officially left Creek Falls, shortly after the first exhibition rodeo that fall.
Penny pats Beau’s chest and then holds her palm out to me, leaning in his hold until I’m worried she’ll fall. Without a word, he holds her toward me, adjusting his hold. Her arms reach out, and I grab her around the middle, the move somehow more instinctual than roping a calf for processing. I awkwardly hold her against me, trying to take her in. She’s in a pretty blue dress with frilly fringe along the hem and a flower bouquetembroidered on the bodice, the ribbons in her hair matching the sky blue hue of the fabric. Her cheeks flush as she stares at me.
Somehow, my tongue unglues from the roof of my mouth, and I suck in a sudden, desperate breath.
“Hi,” I tell my daughter, my voice wavering and breathy. Without a doubt, if my scent weren’t blocked right now, it would be twisted by the devastation and shock running through my blood. Even still, a small whine escapes my lips before I clamp them shut.
“Triston?” Beau asks.
“She…”
Swallowing down the half-whine, half-sob that’s building under my sternum, I focus on something small to confirm without actually asking the question. I cast my gaze to Emily first where she stands rigid with her arms still crossed over her stomach and then to the man I’d spent a summer fucking and cuddling and sharing the best Alpha I’ve ever known with.
My voice downright shakes as I say, “She has my… my hair.”
He understands exactly what I’m doing. There’s a long pause, and then he nods, closing the bit of distance he’d left between us. He runs his hand down Penny’s back, soothing her even while I’m trying to figure out how to hold her as she wiggles against me. She looks up at me, her lips pursed the exact same way Emily’s are.
The similarity hits me like a ton of bricks. I suck in a ragged breath.
“And your eyes,” Beau murmurs, taking another step closer, running his hand along my arm.
Emily watches him and then Penny, her vanilla scent edging with her own nerves. Beau runs a finger along the back of my hand before resuming his circuit on Penny’s back. My gaze flashes back to him.
“I’ve always thought they were beautiful,” he says softly. “Like one of the mountain ponds in the summer when working the cattle early in the morning.”
His eyes flash, and the memory of what we’d done that particular morning while moving one of the smaller herds just the two of us slams into me. I shiver as a spark flies down my spine, and that agitation grows even more restless just below my skin and in my palms. I want to touch him, to be touched, more than I’ve wanted most anything else.
Instead, I focus on the little girl. She tilts her head and her eyebrows bunch. She wiggles against me, and I ease her back to the ground. She just shakes her head and slams her palm against my leg.
“Up,” she says, clear as can be.
I carefully ease her back into my arms, resting her against my hip. I haven’t held a child since Camden was this little. It’s been years. She wiggles against me again, and then she lays her head against my shoulder. Tears slowly line my lashes, and I desperately blink them away.
“I… I didn’t know,” I admit.
That whine-sob builds again, and I breathe carefully through my nose. A bit of it escapes anyway. Emily takes a step closer, her throat moving as she swallows heavily. Her vanilla scent wraps around me, even more sour than before. Another desperate sound falls from my lips. Her hands twist into her shirt, her face pale, her eyes flicking from me to Penny to Beau.
“I tried,” she says after a minute. She swallows again. Beau reaches for her, gently wrapping her hand in his, lacing their fingers together. “It was after that girl doxxed you. Your number was disconnected. I sent messages on social media, too, but I don’t know if they were ever read. I… I really did try, I promise.”
This time I’m not able to blink the tears away, and a few of them slowly fall down my cheeks. I wipe them on my arm, trying to not disturb the baby in my hold as I nod once.
“I’m… I’ve never seen them,” I admit with a waver. “They’re supposed to tell me if something important comes through. You were on the list of people.” My words get closer together, every part of me reeling, my Omega nature desperate for some kind of touch or scent to calm the mess of emotions. “All of you are on that list. After I had to change my number, I told them…”
I suck in a breath. My hands shake. Penny lifts her head off my shoulder, her eyebrows bunched again. Another brick, even heavier, hits me in my stomach. More tears fall, but I don’t bother trying to wipe them away. Emily takes a half-step closer before stopping abruptly.
“Why didn’t they tell me?” The question is a broken whisper.
Neither of them say anything. Only the sounds of the horses pulled in from the pasture fill the barn. I force down everything, try to contain it under my sternum so it doesn’t completely drown me. It takes more work than any training or riding ever has, especially so newly off the suppressors and dealing with the fallout of the Drop.
“H-how old?” I ask. My voice, miraculously, is steadier.
“Her birthday’s next Friday,” Beau says.
My heart leaps into my throat. “I didn’t miss it?”
Emily shakes her head.
