Page 59 of Secret Heart
This time he laughs in earnest. “No, they don’t. Not by name, at least. And hasn’t it been like eight years since they matched in the first place?”
I roll my eyes and focus on the lake again. The humor dies between one breath and the next.
“He’ll be gone for days, maybe even weeks, at a time during the circuit,” I say into the wilderness. “The way Caleb was. I… I don’t know if I can do that. Not without a bond like what you had with Kayla. That’s a lot more permanent than any Council paperwork. And it could put him in danger, if he feels something from me while he’s trying to stay on a bull.”
He nods. “I can’t tell you what the right choice is for you three. And honestly, I don’t want to think about what bonding looks like between the three of you considering Beau’s a Beta, okay?”
He shudders, and I laugh in earnest, unable to resist making him squirm a bit.
“I’m sure the Council has diagrams for when it’s a male omega that needs the double bite,” I say, knowing it’ll just make him freak out. It’s not actually all that hard to facilitate a locking where Beau could lay his bite over top of mine. The way we both fucked Triston that first night after Penny’s party would be just about perfect. Vanilla swirls around me at the memory.
Right on cue, he shudders and pretends to gag.
“Nope. Stop. Just knowing you’re fucking them both is enough for me.”
“Says the man who has his body permanently marked with memories of fucking Brielle,” I mutter.
“Fair enough.”
He bumps my shoulder again and then slowly stands.
“Look, I don’t know what the right choice is for you. But what I do know,” he says, serious again, “is you’ll regret it every single day of your life if you let fear dictate the decision you make right now. Even if good things come from it. Maybeespeciallyif good things happen. You’ll spend your life wondering what might have been even as you can’t imagine your life without the little blond boy that came from acting in fear in the first place.”
This time his smile is sad and haunted. I swallow down the response I had perched on my tongue. He’s never opened up about what is was like after losing Kayla. Not with me, at least. I’d watched him and Caleb dig their way out of a hole of grief that felt insurmountable as a spectator. Even when Brielle came back and I learned she was the Omega he’d fallen in love with that summer I was in Europe, I wasn’t sure he could move on.
He offers his hand, and I let him help me to my feet. He pulls me into a tight hug without any kind of warning.
“All you have is today,” he whispers. “Don’t spend that time thinking of all the ways it could have been different. Penny won’t ever know, not outside of photos.”
I tighten my arms around his back in an unspoken gratitude.
A toddler’s shout breaks apart our hug, followed by Hudson’s muttered cursing.
“Damn it, Jonas,” he says as he flies past us in pursuit of his son.
Behind Ethan, the rest of the family walks down the path from the campsite. Camden chases Iris and Rose, grinning as they shed their shirts, revealing plain bathing suits in neon colors. Neither of the girls look back as they rush to the rock outcropping that’s become their favorite place to jump into the lake, though all four of their parents watch with careful, hawkish gazes. Camden pauses for a split second, looking out toward us. He grins as he sees Ethan.
“Look, Dad!”
Then he runs off the cliff, pulling his legs up a moment before he hits the water. When he surfaces, he doesn’t look for Ethan, though. His gaze scours the beach until he finds Brielle. “Mom! Did you see? Mine were higher than Rose’s!”
Mom. Not even Mommy Bri anymore. JustMom. I nudge Ethan’s side with my elbow.
“Thanks,” I whisper. “I appreciate it.”
His smile this time is wide and happy and brightens his entire face. “Yeah? Then you won’t mind trying to teach Dahlia how to skip rocks like her older sisters.”
“Rocks!” Dahlia’s screech cuts across the din. “Rocks, Em-lee!”
Beau and Triston stand just behind her, carefully watching as she and Penny pick up rocks and toss them a few inches in front of them. When Beau glances up and catches my gaze, his own smile is soft, the laugh lines deeper around his eyes and lips.
“All right.” I close the distance between me and the two men I love. “Let’s see if we can find some good options then.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
TRISTON
Iris jumps up from the second table we’ve set up in the center of the tents and dumps her plate into the trash bag perched on the end, finished with the apples and dip Logan had pulled out as a snack. Then she turns and grabs Logan’s hand, pulling on it in an attempt to get him to stand.
