Page 60 of Between the Boards
I look down at my hands in my lap. “Aren’t I though?”
They both gasp with horrified expressions. “Kairi!”
I lean my head back against the booth and stare up at the ceiling lights.
“I can’t call myself White, because nobody looks at me and sees a White girl.” My throat tightens. “And I’ve been told enough times that I can’t call myself Black because I’m mixed.” I laugh quietly, but it sounds hollow even to my own ears. “You guys can’t possibly understand how confusing it feels to be both a product of your parents, but also different when it comes to race. It feels like I exist in this weird middle ground where nobody fully claims me.”
They’re both quiet, but when I finally look back at them, Eliana’s wiping at her eyes and Maliah looks furious.
“Kai,” Maliah says carefully, voice trembling slightly, “I know I won’t ever truly know what it feels like for you, but being mixed doesn’t make you a half-breed. That’s not a description, it’s a slur. It’s meant to dehumanize you.”
Eliana nods quickly. “It’s disgusting, Kairi.”
I press my lips together as hard as I can as my emotions try to pour out of me.
“I’m just tired,” I whisper. “I’m so tired of constantly having to prove I deserve to exist in spaces everyone else gets handed so easily.”
Eliana reaches for my hand immediately. “Then let us fight beside you.”
“Seriously,” Maliah says. “I will throw hands for you.”
I blink at them both. “You’d actually do that?”
They both stare at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“You’re our best friend,” Maliah says.
“We’d help you hide a body if you needed us to,” Eliana nods solemnly before her eyes widen. “Hypothetically, of course.”
I burst into laughter so hard my stomach hurts. Maliah nearly falls sideways into me laughing too, and the heaviness in my chest eases for the first time all day.
“I missed this,” I admit quietly once we calm down. “I’ve really missed you guys.”
Eliana’s face softens. “I’m sorry I’ve been so absent lately. With all the wedding planning and everything, I’ve sucked as a friend.”
“Me too,” Maliah adds. “I’ve been so focused on my bakery, I’ve put everyone on the backburner—even Koa.”
“What if we commit to a weekly girls night again?” Eliana suggests, holding out her pinky finger. “I’ll need the help of my maids of honour to plan my bachelorette party anyway.”
Maliah gasps so loudly people nearby look over. “We’re your maids of honour?” she whisper-shouts.
Eliana rolls her eyes. “Obviously. I couldn’t choose between you two so I said screwhaving bridesmaids, I’ll just have two maids of honour instead.”
“I’m honoured,” I say softly.
“Me too,” Maliah says, pulling us both into an awkward booth hug before she grabs the final round of shots.
Eliana physically recoils. “Please no.”
“A toast,” Maliah declares, lifting her glass. “To the future bride.”
“And to the best friends a girl could ask for,” I add.
We clink our glasses together and take the shots, Eliana subtly gagging next to me.
“We forgot to get new salt and limes again,” she coughs.
Maliah and I collapse into laughter and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude courses through me because I don’t feel so alone anymore. I don’t know what I’d do without these girls.
