Page 39 of Lay Me Down
There’s no way he didn’t hear what Satori screamed last night. It was like he was trying to convince us all that Damien’s crazy. Well, news flash, asshole: we already knew that. We just don’t give a shit. D’s the type of crazy that you don’t normally have to worry about. He’s not going to hover over me while I sleep, or slice my throat for stealing a piece of pizza.
That’s more like Zeke.
He’s another worry of mine. I know Zeke’s been through a lot lately, but I don’t have time to babysit, and Ash isn’t in the right mind to take care of him. He’s acting like his normal self. He’s heated up and ready for action, and I’m shocked by how clearly he’s thinking. So, as much as I probably shouldn’t, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt and allowing him to help.
There was a time when I thought D was losing it. I’m not going to lie, when he first started stalking Ashia, and he did it so openly, I was concerned. Especially at the time, Damien raneverything. We couldn’t afford him to end up in jail, and I wasn’t sure Ashia was worth the time. Not to insult her in any way. I love Ash—she’s like family. But to go to that extent when he could’ve just asked her out? Took her flowers in person instead of being a creep? It blew my mind.
I didn’t understand it then, but as a reserved spot on my screen continues tracking someone not relevant to Damien’s disappearance, I get it now more than ever. Even as that tracker says she’s twenty feet away and behind a closed door, I’m not moving it away from my display.
The rest of the screen continues to search, and I can’t help but imagine where Damien is right now—how much pain he could possibly be in. He's done everything he can to keep us alive and well, and nowhe’sthe one in trouble. I know he wouldnever abandon the life he has. Us, Ashia, the baby. As insane as Damien may be sometimes, he’s also crazy devoted to us all. There’s just no way in hell he’d leave. That doesn’t change the evidence in front of me, though, and that’s something else I need to figure out.
I look up to see Ser slip out of the office door as she slides the Doppler back into the case. Her emerald green eyes look up at me, and she comes to a slow stop. They’re piercing, almost like they’re a fantasy, and she’s really a siren poking her head out of the sea. She always either eyes me like I’ll be her new toy, or like she’ll rip my throat out. It’s exhilarating. My heartrate picks up every time she stares at me with those hungry eyes, and even though I know she’ll devour me and spit me back out, a part of me wants to let her nibble.
Not on anything too vital, though.
She doesn’t understand what she’s done to me. There are parts of myself that I didn’t know existed until she stepped out of Damien’s car. The moment her frightened features softened as she saw me for the first time, she affected me in ways that made me question who I was. She’s everything I’m not. Wild. Carefree. Toxic. I was always respectful, calm, and focused…until her. Something about her bled into me, and I suddenly understood why I never wanted to have sex before.
Somehow, I knew that nothing else would have been better than having her, and as furious as I am with her, I never want anything else again.
And I hate it.
“Hey,” she says softly with a small grin pulling at her lips.
“How is she?” I ask quietly on the off chance that Ashia is actually asleep. Serena’s face falls the moment I don’t reciprocate her adoration, and I fight not to blink.
“Not good. The baby’s okay, though, and Ash’s heartrate is finally coming down.” She hugs herself and surprisingly stepsover to me. She sits on top of the table next to my laptop, and I scoot it over so she can’t see it. The last thing Ash needs is to doubt my loyalty to Damien, and I’m sure Serena wouldn’t wait a second to go running her mouth. “Can you believe how John came in earlier? How scary he looked?”
A small, nervous chuckle escapes her mouth. She’s trying to make conversation, and all that’s going through my mind is her tight little body under those scrubs. I remember the first time I truly saw her, the night she felt bad for the almost-thirty-year-old virgin. I didn’t feel that way at the time, but her cutting me off proved what I should’ve seen before. I’m nothing to her but a box on a checklist. It didn’t mean anything to her—not like it did to me.
“His son is missing and possibly either hurt or dead. Yeah, I can believe it,” I say harshly. Johnwasa little intimidating back at the house. He escorted Leanne inside like even the trees were a threat, and after he pointed a gun to Satori’s head twice, I finally got him to back off. As tough and badass as Ser likes to pretend she is, reactions like that are still new to her.
“No, I get that,” she whispers and looks down to the floor. We both remain silent for the next few moments, not sure what to say. There isn’t anything to say. She haunts my dreams while she’s out at bars. I can’t even look in another woman’s direction, and she’s glancing at anyone but me.
This isn’t just some ‘she was your first’ bullshit. She was more than that. Yeah, that first night was fun, but it’s not like I never didanythingbefore her. I knew what pussy tastes like, where the clit is, and how a woman’s tongue feels on the tip of my dick, but that wasn’t where she got me. It was everything else. How comfortable it was. There were times when we wouldn’t touch each other at all, and we just stared at the ceiling in cozy silence. It was like somehow, deep down, we already knew each other.We didn’t need words. It was nice. Too nice, and I should’ve known better with it coming from a woman like her.
I tried to let it go. I really did. When D forced her out of her silence and brought her to the Attic, I just wanted to pull her in my arms. Then after Ash was taken, Ihadto keep her close. I couldn’t let anything happen to her, too. She clung to me just like I needed her to, and then once it was all over, she was back to acting like a soulless leech. Once again, I wasn’t enough for her. I saw where she went after Ashia and Damien were healed enough, and I can only imagine the men she was with. I’ve looked up every hookup she’s ever had, and when I say they’d burn on the church steps, it may not be an exaggeration.
“What about you?” She pulls me from my thoughts, and I look up at her. Her face is actually coated with worry under that makeup, and she’s looking at me with a glare so endearing that I almost give it back to her. “Are you okay?”
I raise an eyebrow at that.
“I’m fine, Ser.”
Her head tilts a little, and she lets out a small sigh.
“Listen, I know we’re not exactly on the best terms right now.” She keeps her tone low, surely so no one else can hear her. “But I’m worried about you, too. I know how much you care about Damien.”
“I said I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me. You didn’t before.” I throw it out there just to spice things up. Her face twists like she’s flinching.
“Of course I did, Carter. It wasn’t about you. I needed to get my head straight.”
I shove my laptop further, grip her thighs in my hands, and yank her over. That perfect ass slides across the table, and her hands immediately find my shoulders as I scoot up between her legs. I want to forget how I felt.
I’d give anything to make it as simple as forgiving her, but it’s not. She ran away from this connection. It wasn’t just me that felt how strong this pull was. She felt it too, and she threw it all away without so much as a word. All because she wasscared. Which a part of me knows, but I would’ve helped her. This life is hard to accept at first, and if anyone can understand that it’s me. She didn’t trust me enough to come to me. She didn’t care enough to even send a simple message. I really thought we were getting somewhere, but now my head is all messed up from trying to free my mind from her claws.
She may think she got away, or that she got time to herself to think, but the reality is very different. Who she made me is completely unlike the virgin who just wanted to please her. That innocent part of me is gone, and while I know the little brat loves to be in charge, she’ll get a taste of what it’s like to have no control at all.
My eyes meet hers with a look that I’m sure she thinks is violent—one that, of course, she’ll take the wrong way. But I want her to. She’ll hate me, and that’s exactly what I want her to feel.
