Page 64 of Lay Me Down
“We’ll all go with you. It’ll help get yours and Leanne’s minds off of things, and it’ll give us all a break. Then we’ll go to your appointment and come back to pick it right back up. Okay?” he asks sincerely, and I have to look away. I get that I shouldn’t wear these anymore, but I could just wear Damien’s sweatpants. Even though he’s an entire foot taller than me, I’m sure I could make it work.
I know a part of me is being ridiculous, but if I go and buy maternity clothes, then that just shows how long he’s been gone.It’s only another reminder that he’s missing out on everything he should be here for. The flutters I continue to feel, how much my belly has grown in just two weeks, and I even miss eating the crazy meals he’d plan to incorporate that damn app. I hate shopping, but the idea of going shopping withhimseemed fun. I’m sure he’d be way more excited than I would be, and he’s always so expressive. He makes everything fun, and I know shopping would be no exception.
“Ash. What did we talk about?” Zeke points out, and I look back at him. The softness in his features makes my eyes water, and I try to shake the tears away. Ser steps over to me and rests her hands on my shoulders.
“Hey, don’t think of it as a sad thing. Okay? I remember ten weeks ago, you didn’t even believe that you’d get to this point. But you did. I know he’s not here right now, but we will find him, and it’s going to be easier for him to know that you both were taken care of. Alright? This is agoodthing, Ash. Plus, you’ll need to look all cute and pregnant when he gets back, right? Not like you’re having an Adam Sandlar crash-out.”
I let out a small, humorous huff. When I meet her eyes, I hate how sincere they are. She’s just trying to take care of us, I know that. Everything she’s done these past couple of weeks has been to make sure I keep my feet on the ground, and I wouldn’t have been able to without her. She knows that I refuse to buy anything for the baby, but maybe just a couple pairs of leggings wouldn’t hurt. It would at least appease her and Leanne for a little while. I give her a masked grin, and she smiles back at me.
“There’s my bestie. Come on, let’s go see how Pawpaw John reacts to a shopping spree.”
I roll my eyes, but turn around to grab my things.
Well, I think it’s safe to say that was the most interesting shopping trip I’ve ever been on. Now, that’s saying something, because Ser loves to shop. Apparently, just as much as Leanne does. It was nice, though, watching her actually get into it. Did I actually get to pick anything out myself? No, but I’m okay with that. It made Leanne happy, and that was probably the best thing that came out of today.
It was hilarious to watch everyone’s stares as we made our way through the store looking like we were prepared for war, and the stares aren’t much different now that we’re sitting in the waiting area of my OB’s office. I told everyone but Ser that they could wait outside or in the hospital lobby, but they all insisted on coming in. The nurse’s face when she said only two would be allowed back with me almost had me in tears, but only because I was laughing so hard.
I’m sitting between Ser and Leanne, and all four guys are standing like they’re waiting for some kind of order. It’s both the most heartwarming, yet nerve-wracking thing I’ve seen in a while. It’s helping take my mind off the appointment. I am excited to see the baby, but today is my anatomy scan.
All I can think about is how excited we were for this—how Damien has been insisting since I was eight weeks along that it’s a girl. I can picture his smug face if he’s proved right, or how confused he’d look if he was shown that he was wrong, and now I’d give anything to see it. Damien’sneverwrong, and I’m not missing the chance to hear it. There’s no way I can let them tell me today. I don’t want to know without him here.
If I did, then I would want to do other things, too. It was hard not to look at the baby section, which of course, was set up directly across from the maternity clothes. All I could imagine was cute little dresses or those adorable little suits that make baby boys look like old men. I’ve never felt such mixed emotions. I want to do all of these things for our baby, but I don’t want to do them without him. It feels so lonely.
“Ashia Hartley?” A nurse calls my name, and I stand up. Ser follows me, and at the last second, I get an idea. I turn back to Leanne, and she looks up at me surprised.
“Do you want to come to?” I ask softly and she nods excitedly. She stands so quickly that I think she might fall over, but then she walks in front of us, and I realize she’s just really enthusiastic. Ser laughs, and I shrug it off as we walk back to the examination room. The smell of disinfectant lingers in the room, along with just a hint of flowers.
The nurse is already inside waiting, and when she looks up at us, she smiles at Ser.
“Oh, hey, Serena!”
“Hey, Pam,” Serena says back, and I turn to look at her.
“Of course, you know my nurse.”
She just shrugs and sets her purse down on one of the counters.
“Bitch, please. I know your entire OB team. I’m me, remember?”
I roll my eyes at her, and after checking my weight, I have a seat on the table. Leanne sits next to me in a chair, and Ser stands behind Pam, staring at her like she’s going to mess up somehow. The same curious look has been on her face since I stepped on the scale, and I haven’t been so concerned about my weight in a long time. I haven’t lost any weight. So, while I thought that was a good thing, Serena’s face might implydifferent. Pam starts to check my blood pressure, and both of their brows furrow at the same time.
“Take that again,” Ser tells Pam, and she loosens the cuff before readjusting it.
“Why? What was it?” My voice comes off a little shakier than I intend it to.
“It’s one-twenty over eighty,” Pam sighs, and then takes the cuff off.
“Well, that’s normal, isn’t it?”
“Not for you. You normally run low because of your size and disorder, and that’s borderline high, anyway.” Ser steps around Pam and takes the cuff from her hands. “Excuse me.” Ser practically pushes Pam out of the way.
“Ser, come on. Be nice,” I implore.
“Thatwasnice,” she says hatefully and takes my blood pressure again. I just take a few deep breaths, and watch as Ser’s face just gets even more stern.
“You’re going to bruise me if you keep checking that.”
“Well, I just want to be sure. I don’t like that it’s high.”
