Page 62 of Hold Me Down
“You’re leaving?” I ignore the last part of her statement. “Are you sure Damien’s ready for that?”
“Any sessions that he may need can be done virtually. I believe he is at a place where my physical presence may do more harm than good. Now that he knows he can communicate with you about his thoughts and feelings on what happened, he’ll progress nicely.” Her tone is absolute and warm, solidifying her confidence.
I have some extremely mixed feelings about her presence. While I hate the little bit of interaction I’ve had with her, she did seem to help Damien. He used different strategies to help deal with his paranoia, and somehow, he did finally have the courage to tell me what he needed. She did allow him to go at the pace he needed and not rush him like she had somewhere else to be.
That doesn’t mean I liked her tone any more than I did before.
“I know you’ve been avoiding me, but I think it would be a good idea to have you present in his last session,” she insinuates again. I take a deep breath, not really liking the idea of giving into her request. However, I want to be there for Damien. If me sitting in the room and listening to him talk will actually help him, then of course I’ll do it.
“As long as he’s okay with it.” I cross my arms and turn to follow the others outside, but she cuts back in, stopping me before I can move too far.
“For what it’s worth, Ashia, I had no intention of belittling your marriage or your relationship with Damien. I believe you are both very strong and resilient people. Shockingly, you fit very well together, and I only wanted to emphasize that. Your past shaped who you are, but you didn’t let it define you. My intention was to show your husband the same courage that you have—to prove to him that something good can grow from the pain. I think you’re a great example of that, and so does Damien.”
I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t know how to react. My past isn’t comparable to Damien’s, and while I understand her point, I don’t want any of this to be aboutme. His whole world revolves around me, and now our daughter, but I want him to understand that he is just as important. Nothing I’ve said, or anything I’ve been through, takes away fromhim. This ishispain, and I wanted him to get through it however he needed to.
Headlights pour through the living room windows, making my heart skip a beat. Anything that I could’ve thought to say back to her vanishes, and my feet move on their own. Daisy trots beside me as I step through the garage and out onto the driveway. The cold concrete feels nice against my feet, but I’m instantly nervous when I glance over at Victoria.
She’s frozen once again, standing as still as ice, and it could be the headlights blinding her, but she looks as pale as a ghost. Her heart must be pounding out of her chest with how heavily she’s breathing, clearly struggling to keep herself together. She hasn’t seen her daughter in-person in almost a year. There’s no telling how much she’s grown since they’ve last seen each other. Just by the look on her face, Victoria’s soul is both healing and being torn apart with anticipation.
Hell, even I’m nervous. I shouldn’t be. Damien is home now, and he didn’t say anyone was hurt. His text was a little shorter than normal, but it could be that he’s tired or overwhelmed. The past forty-eight hours have been exhausting mentally, and I know the distance he had to travel didn’t ease any of his paranoia.
Relief floods me when Damien steps out of the SUV unharmed, but there’s a sadness on his face that I can’t place—maybe even disappointment? His face is relaxed but droopy, like something is weighing him down. Danielle gets out immediately after him, and then Carter and Alex from the front, but my heart instantly sinks when I don’t see my brother right away. I try to search Damien’s face and pick out any type of hint, praying that nothing is wrong with Zeke.
The asshole just wanted some dramatic effect, apparently, because he steps out right after my heart tries to jump from my stomach, holding onto a little blonde girl that’s clinging to him for dear life. I’m a little surprised by the scene, because Zeke doesn’t normally like kids. Something about Elizabeth must be different, though, because she’s gripping him like he’s her saving grace.
He points over towards us, drawing Elizabeth’s attention. She turns her head in our direction and then her face twists when she sees who he’s pointing at—Victoria.
“Mommy!” she sobs and instantly tries to wiggle free of Zeke’s hold, borderline hitting him to break out.
Tears prick my eyes the moment Victoria lets out a choked sob and darts in her direction. Zeke barely has time to put Elizabeth down before she hits the ground and sprints, meeting Victoria halfway, right in front of the SUV. Her arms wrap around that little girl so tightly that she might actually bruise her, but Elizabeth hugs her back just as fiercely. I can hear her high-pitched sobs, and it’s only a matter of seconds before my cheeks are flooded, too.
It’s so heartwarming. After watching what Victoria went through, and knowing that I didn’t even seeeverything, it makes this moment even more emotional. We obviously don’t know what Elizabeth has endured, but it’s clear just by her emotions how much she’s missed her mom.
I don’t ever want to be away from my daughter for an extended period of time, but fuck, I want that connection—that type of love. Besides Marla, I don’t know what that’s like. I briefly remember being little enough to still cry out for my mom, but it’s tainted by so much depravity and violence that it casts a shadow over everything else. I never want that for our little girl.
As Damien walks past them, Victoria reaches out to grab his arm. She barely pulls away from Elizabeth, but manages to look up at him with an adoring gaze.
“Thank you…” she chokes out through sobs. Damien just nods lightly and walks over to me, looking more upset than before for some reason. They’ve been on good terms, almost from the start, so I don’t understand why he’d give her a cold shoulder.
“What’s wrong, baby?” I lay my hand on his chest as he embraces me, hating the way he immediately shakes his head. His hold is firm like it normally is, but there’s something about it that screams for him. “Don’t do that, please? Talk to me. What’s going on?”
He looks back at Victoria, and I follow his line of sight. She’s running her hand over Elizabeth head, smoothing her hair and looking her over to take in every inch. Elizabeth’s tiny hands are clutching Victoria’s shirt like she would tear it apart if she was taken away, but she surprisingly looks back to Zeke, not only once, but twice in just the few seconds we’ve stared at them.
“She’s afraid of me,” Damien whispers, keeping his gaze locked on the toddler. My heart both swells and sinks, knowing exactly where his mind is.
“It’s been a rough few hours for her. I'm sure she’ll warm up to you.” I rub just underneath his collar bone and lay my head on his chest, savoring the sound of his deep breaths.
“Yeah, but Zeke?” We both glance over at him. He's just standing beside the car awkwardly, seemingly looking at anythingbutVictoria and Elizabeth. A giggle bubbles up in my throat, but I just shrug it off and kiss his cheek. “Why the hell does she likehim?”
I chuckle unwillingly.
“She’ll come around.” I pat his chest, trying to give him some semblance of comfort. Everyone starts to walk inside, Victoria carrying Elizabeth, and once they pass us, I lower my voice. “Hey, I don’t want you to worry, but Victoria made a good point earlier. I think we all need to go inside and talk about what to do next.”
He looks down at me, taking a brief moment to work through what I just said, and the sadness in his gaze floods me with warmth.
“I don’t think we should make them leave…” he says truthfully, despite not knowing the point I’m trying to make. My heart swells as I admire his compassion, not surprised one bit that’s where his mind immediately went.
“I don’t think we should, either.” I take his hand in mine and lead him inside. This can’t wait long, but I think giving everyone a few minutes to settle in would be okay. With a life as chaotic as ours, it’s important that we take the time and breathe when we can get it. Tonight is a victory. It might be a small one, but sometimes, that’s all we can get, and an occasion like this is worth celebrating.
