Page 121 of Hold Me Down
My phone lights up beside me, and my heart flutters, instantly thinking it’s Damien, only to see my brother’s name instead. Which isn’t disappointing, and I know Damien just went downstairs to the lobby, so there’s not really a reason why he’d call right now. He’s just been a little longer than I thought he was going to be. It worries me a little, knowing that he was going to call Alex, but if there’s anything wrong, surely Zeke would know, too. So, I answer it and pull it up to my ear.
“Hey,” I say quietly, careful not to wake Emma, even though she’s starting to squirm a little.
“Hey, trouble. How are you feeling?” he asks genuinely, keeping the smile on my face.
“I feel good. Are you coming by?” I try to keep my tone neutral, despite my curiosity. I never brought up the possibility of including Taylor in her name, and honestly, I don’t know how he’ll react. I don’t want him to be sad every time he looks at my daughter, but I also wanted to honor her in some way. She meant a lot to Zeke, and she deserves more than to be mixed in the hundreds of other names when they talk about those who died. He was cast aside by Taylor’s mom after her death. I just want him to remember that he meant something to her, too.
“Yeah, me and Carter, if you're up for it. I don’t want to intrude. If you’re tired or just want some privacy, I’ll respect it.” He almost sounds reluctant to say that, and his tone makes me giggle.
“No, it’s okay. You just missed Damien’s parents a little bit ago, and I’m sure the Andersons will be here before visiting hours are over.”
“Okay. Well, we just picked up some food for you, so we’ll be there soon.” My stomach suddenly rumbles loudly enough to make Emma stir just a little. I knew I felt empty after I gave birth, but the hunger just didn’t register until now.
“You’re amazing. I didn’t even realize how hungry I was until you said that.”
“Well, thank D. He called it into that diner you like. I'm just the delivery boy.” Warmth settles into my bones at the thought.
“That diner by Cut Me Down?” I don’t even know why I’m asking. Of course Damien ordered from there. That’s where he took me after our firstrealdate. After that amazing concert and our time in the woods, he carried me around as I clung to his back, and then we pigged out. It was the first time I truly felt comfortable with myself. Not him. I always felt comfortable with him for whatever cosmic reason, but in that moment, I truly felt like myself because of him—and I know he saw it that night.
“Yep, that one.”
“Let me guess, he ordered bacon cheeseburgers?” A larger smile curls at my lips at the thought.
“And a lot of fries, apparently.”
I giggle again.
“Okay, good,” I reply as excitedly but quietly as I can manage. “Hey, so, are you going to yell at me if I ask you about work stuff?”
“You just had a baby. I can’t yell at you.”
“Okay, gr—”
“But I can strongly advise you not to ask stupid questions when you should be resting,” he interrupts me.
“It’s not stupid…” I hesitate. “Just strictly informative.” I glance over at Ser, meet her staple hands on her hips and full-of-attitude stance, and then look away again—because I’mnotdaring to look her in the eyes right now.
“You want to know about Satori.” He doesn’t ask. It’s not a question. He knows exactly what I want to hear, and I have a feeling he’s going to make me work for it.
“Don’t make me beg, please?”
“I don’t have an update, Ash. My phone’s blowing up, but I was on a cheeseburger mission, and then I called you. So, I haven’t looked.”
I wish he could see my face right now. My narrowed eyes and pursed lips normally get my way with him.
“Are you lying to me?”
He just laughs somewhat maniacally.
“No, I’m not lying. I’ll check it out on the way over, and I’ll tell you what I find out, okay?”
“You promise?”
“Promise.” He doesn’t even hesitate with his reply.
“Okay, deal.”
“Alright, see you in fifteen. Love you,” he replies so easily that I almost didn’t catch it. My eyes sting with tears, because while he’s said many other things—whether it be playfully or hatefully—he’s never actually said that to me before. Endearment crashes into my chest, and I tense up before I respond.
