Page 112 of Hold Me Down
“What are you talking about, Ser?”
Her bottom lip trembles, and it hurts to watch.
“What if he’s not as great as he seems? I mean, I didn’t think any two people could love each other like Mom and Dad do, and then you proved me otherwise, but I mean… How often can love like that happen?” She shrugs and shakes her head, like she’s convincing herself. “It’s rare, and I don’t deserve it, especially not with him. I hurt him. So, what are the chances that Carter couldactuallyfeel that way for me, and he’s not just playing games? Or he turns out to be an abusive dick in disguise? I mean, we knew Cooper all through middle school and high school, and not one of us thought he would do those things to you. But he did. I see people come into the ER every day with injuries from domestic abuse. It’s sickening…”
I shake my head back at her in disbelief.
“Carter wouldneverhurt you.”
“I want to believe that, and most of me does.” She goes silent and bites her lip like she does when she’s nervous…and that’s almost never. “We were okay until he started asking me about this house he’s building… He wanted to know what my dream house would look like in super vague questions. Last week, he even asked me which direction the bedroom windows should face, which istotallya normal question for someone building a house, right? But I'm just scared of commitment, okay? I try to be all bad ass and walk around with my ‘baddie energy,’ but what if I plan this whole life with him, and then he finds someone else? What if we’re just too different, or he thinks I’m all usedup? I’ve never been broken up with before. I don’t think I could handle it.”
I sigh and thank God that she’s actually starting to make sense.
“So, you’re scared ofactuallyloving him, and then losing him?”
She snaps her head to me.
“Yeah.”
“Then maybe you should tell him that instead of bitching about a kitchen window.”
She groans loudly.
“Bedroom window!”
“Whatever.” I laugh, but it’s interrupted by another contraction. I grip the middle console and breathe as deeply as I can, trying not to interrupt the moment with my pain.
“Shit. I'm sorry, Ash.” She reaches over and grabs my hand again. I squeeze it and attempt to smile at her.
“Don’t apologize, you compliant bitch.” I throw her own insult back at her. She starts cackling, like her own nerves are starting to rattle her. Her phone rings through the car speakers, and when Damien’s name flashes across the audio display, I almost start crying.
“Hey, Damien,” Ser answers.
“Where are you two? Is she okay?” Damien’s tone is frantic at best, and there’s so much shuffling in the background that I can only imagine him scrambling through whatever he’s doing right now.
“I'm fine, baby. We’re almost at the hospital,” I respond, knowing it’ll calm him down if he hears my voice instead. He audibly sighs.
“I'm on my way. Did you grab her bag, Serena?”
“Yep. We got everything,Dad.”
He chuckles nervously at her teasing before speaking again.
“Do you need anything, baby?” His voice instantly soothes some of the fear that’s been abusing my chest, and then a different urgency takes over. I need his arms around me and his heat against my body. I need his voice to soothe the scary thoughts, and I long to feel his fingers in my hair.
“I just need you…”
“I’m coming right now, beautiful. I’ll be there in record time, okay?”
“Okay…”
“I love you. I’ll see you soon,” he says confidently.
“I love you, too.”
He hangs up as we pull up to the hospital entrance, and this just gets even more real. The first scary part is over, and we’ve beat the weather, making it here in one piece. Serena is already jumping out of the car and running to the trunk while I’m slowly sliding out of the seat. A nurse grabs a wheelchair and starts to make her way through the glass entrance as Ser rushes up with the bags in hand. I take a deep breath and look at her, wanting to get this out before things get even crazier.
“Can I give you some advice about Carter?”
