Page 109 of Hold Me Down
“I know, baby.” After the lotion seeps in, I stand up and crawl into the bed beside her. I don’t bother undressing, considering I'll have to go out again for work, but I just want to comfort her for as long as I can. She lays up against me with her head on my chest and her belly pressing against me. Apparently, our daughter is a fucking ninja, because I can feel her kick just from the small touch. “Holy hell, she’s active tonight.”
“Yes, she is.” Ashia buries her face in my neck and breathes in deeply, soaking in my scent like she does when she needs to relax. I go back to caressing her stomach, hoping it’ll calm the baby down as lean in to talk to her.
“Don’t hurt your mommy, princess. She’s having a rough time.”
“She’s fine, I know it comes with the territory… I don’t know how, but she’s definitely moved down more. I can tell.”
“Is that why you’re so uncomfortable?”
“Maybe? I don’t know how to explain it. I just feel…blah.” I huff lightly, knowing that she’s trying to be lighthearted, but I can’t take it that way, knowing she feels so bad. “I'm so worn down, and I don’t know how else to explain except for just…icky.” She moves her hand down from her shoulder, gesturing in a soft way, but then she shakes it out like she’s swatting away a different feeling.
Yeah, there’s no way she’s making it five more weeks. I read that women feel this way right before they give birth, like their skin is crawling and their bodies are gearing up for something, but it's so exhausting at the same time. There’s no way in hell I would ever be able to imagine how that feels, and it just makes me feel even more helpless. If I could take it away and bear it for her, I would, but I obviously can’t. I’ll call my mom in themorning and ask her what I should do for her. She carried twins, so she would know what to do, surely.
“I know I should be enjoying this, but I just feel so…weird,” she says as she chokes on tears. I run my hand up and down her back to try and soothe her, but the faint trembling only makes me worry more.
“Oh, baby girl. Carrying a baby is a miraculous thing, but I think every woman would agree that you don't have to appreciate every second of it.” Shefinallychuckles, but only once before placing her hand firmly on the lower side of her bump and wincing, clearly facing another contraction. I place my hand beside hers and trace the curve of her belly with moderate pressure, hoping to ease some of the pain. She lets out a deep breath and tries to relax in my arms, but I can still feel the tension beneath her skin. My paranoia spikes. “Are you sure those are just Braxton Hicks? You've been having them a lot today.”
“Yeah, I'm sure. They're not close enough together to count.” She continues to breathe slowly and deeply, much like we’ve practiced recently. Worry continues to build in my chest, and I find myself as antsy as she feels.
“I’ll go ahead and take off work,” I declare. “I've been preparing Zeke for a couple of weeks now. He’ll be alright with taking over a little earlier.”
Ashia shakes her head in tight movements.
“You don’t need to do that yet, baby. She still needs to cook for at least four more weeks. So, she’s staying in there.” She pokes her belly with every last word, as if she’s trying to convince her body to make that statement happen.
“I don't think that's quite how that works, little wolf.”
“Well, it is for now.”
My phone rings, breaking the moment. Irritation charges and bubbles up in my throat when I pull it out to see Zeke’s name atthe top of my screen. When I answer it, I’m not nice, nor am I patient.
“Yeah?”
“We need to get moving soon. Are you ready to go?”
I look down at Ashia again, and hundreds of emotions flood me at once. It's not often I'm able to answer my phone while we work, what if she needs me? What if she does go into labor and they can’t reach me? Or, the worst possible scenario—she goes into laborandSatori shows up…
“I don’t know, I'll call you right back.” I hang up abruptly.
“Don’t worry about me, I'm fine. The guys need you,” she says to me so sure, but I'm not. They'll be fine without me, but I don’t feel okay with leaving her.
“I don’t know, Ashia… Maybe I should take you to the hospital, just to get checked out.”
“It’s fine, Damien. Really. I amnotgoing in just for them to send us back home. She’s got five more weeks, and they’re already counting on you to be there tonight. If you want to stop after that, then we can talk about it, but right now, they’re waiting on you. We're fine.” She looks up to me and smiles, even though I can see the uncertainty in her gaze.
Why is it that every time she looks at me with those perfect eyes, I melt into a sappy puddle? Ishouldargue with her and demand she gets in the fucking car, but I don’t want to belittle her, either. She knows her body and limitations. But I know how fucking stubborn she can be.
“If those get any worse, you call Carter so he can get to me through the ear coms, okay?”
She tilts her head sarcastically.
“What are you going to do, baby? Step back in the middle of stopping a group mugging, throw your hands up, and say ‘sorry, guys, can’t do this tonight’?” she jokes. While that is a humorousthought, I'm not amused. I cup her face in my hand, gently, but forcefully, making her look me in the eyes.
“If I fucking have to. I’m serious, Ashia, promise me you’ll call ifanythingchanges.”
Her face softens with understanding.
“I promise I will call if they get worse.” I reach down and kiss her gently to savor her taste on my lips. When she pulls away from me, I lean in again, nudging my face into hers just to get another hit of her. “I love you. Please be careful.”
