Page 83 of Hold Me Down
“I’m going to wait a few more minutes, anyway.” Zeke gently pokes Ashia’s nose and steps back over to Carter.
She lays her head against my chest, and I pull her as close as I can. The baby moves under my palm, and I can’t help but count her kicks. We’re supposed to anyway, but knowing that she’s so active makes me feel better—like everything is going to be okay.
“Did Lucas have any family?” Ashia asks, and I shake my head.
“Just us.” We’re silent for a moment, but I still soak in every deep breath she takes, beyond thankful that she’s able to take them. Fear continues to pulse through me, because I’m so concerned about her blood pressure. I knew this was a bad idea… I should’ve listened to my gut. My gut also told me to welcome those sons of bitches into our lives. I just seem to be making the wrong decisions no matter what I do.
Just when I think she starts to relax, she tenses once again, clearly thinking of something else.
“Same for Darnell, right?” Her voice cracks with his name, and I have to swallow harshly before answering. All I can picture is the moment he fell, and the ravenous sounds Daisy made right after.
“Yeah, same for him.” Like on a cue, whining draws our attention. We both look over at the sound, and the whimper that escapes Ashia almost breaks me. Daisy lies on the floor, right inthe spot Darnell passed. She’s completely flat, even with her chin on the concrete, and the sadness in her eyes strikes something deep within my heart.
“Daisy? Come here, sweet girl.” She instantly follows my wife’s command, but not in the quick, attentive way she normally does. Daisy walks over slowly, with her head hung, until she lays it in Ashia’s lap. More cries slip from Daisy as Ashia rubs behind her ear. Ashia’s golden, flooded eyes look up at me, and when her bottom lip quivers, it all but kills me. “Satori got away…”
“Yeah, he did.” I cup her face in my hand. “But we’re not going to worry about that right now. He has nowhere to run, no allies, no support, and no resources. We’re going to worry about you and our baby girl. Then I’m going to worry about getting this place back to normal, and we’ll go from there. Okay?”
She nods her head as I wipe her tears away with my thumb. Her mouth falls open like she’s going to say something else, but then she swallows and tries again.
“Would you have heard Kade out?” Her question takes me by surprise, and it sends a cool breeze over the back of my neck. “If he really begged you to listen, would you have?”
I shuffle through all of the words in my head, trying to find an answer. That’s complicated—extremelycomplicated.
“Before or after he pointed a gun to your face?” I ask, needing to knowexactlyhow to respond to her.
“Both…”
I’m hesitant, but I think we both know what I’ll say. The last thing I want is her disappointment to be aimed at me. She wants to believe that I’m a good man, and I am for her, but the lengths I’d go to in order to protect her have never been righteous.
And my devotion to her hasneverwavered.
“Before? Yeah, I would like to think I would have.” I grit my teeth as I recall the betrayal we’ve both experienced today. “But after?” I shake my head in small, sure movements. “No, Iwouldn’t have. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I won’t lie to you.” I run my thumb over her cheek another time as I admire every curve of her face. Someone as angelic as she is deserves to be protected—and should be at all costs. Descending into darkness was never the issue if I fell forher, and I leapt over that cliff long ago. “Any friendship Kade and I had meantnothingthe moment he threatened you.”
I wait for the disappointment, for the fear to overcome her features. My heart beats two times faster as I anticipate the defeat in her eyes. But it never comes. Instead, her golden orbs soften with love and acceptance, even though the sadness is still ever-present. She lays her head against my chest and sinks into my arms without another word, even as Derek comes over to assess her again.
As I lay my chin on top of her head, I glance over at Zeke and Carter, who are quietly talking amongst themselves. Carter nods his head only once, silently asking to talk, but I just shake my head. We have time to regroup. Thanks to my wife’s good work, the system is not only no longer in danger, but still intact. Whatever it is he wants to say can wait. For now, all I’m worried about is my wife, my daughter, and Alex. Anything else can wait.
“They keep trying to give me morphine, but I heard that’s not even where it’s at anymore,” Alex slurs, clearly high as hell. I can’t help but chuckle as I spit out my toothpaste into the bathroom sink.
“Well, what are all of the cool kids asking for?” I pull the phone back up to my ear. It’s nice to hear him in a cheerful mood, even if he is under the influence. I don’t know if he’s heard aboutDarnell or Lucas, and the thought of telling him almost makes me sick. We can save that conversation for when he’s discharged—or maybe a little longer afterward.
“Oxycodone, apparently. It’snice…” he drawls, and I can only imagine the drool slipping out of his mouth. “Why do we take this off the streets?”
I laugh even louder than before.
“If you’re having to ask, it’s already too late for you. I’ll get them to add your drug rehabilitation onto your hospital bill.”
The cackle he lets out is heavy and genuine. It takes some of this sting away.
“Oh, come on, D. Can’t I have a little fun?”
“You took a bullet for me. I guess I can let it slide.” I step back over to our bathroom door and stare at my wife, completely losing myself in her. She looks dazed, probably still from the medication they gave her at the hospital. They held her for a few hours, just to make sure the meds actually worked and she didn’t start contracting. The baby has been moving just like she should, and she wasn’t showing any signs of distress. So, apart from another appointment next week, we’re in the clear—for now. “Did you call Trina?”
I’ll admit, I was a tattletale. I did call his wife, but only after we got word that he was out of surgery. I think knowing that he’s okay helped her not flip out completely, but I can only imagine the shit-talking she gave him when she called.
As I stand here and admire my wife, I think of what he could’ve lost. After years of trying to create a family, he took a bullet. He could’ve ended up dead like Darnell or Lucas, and he would’ve missed out on his child’s life. He risked giving all of that up for me and my family.
“Yeah,” he slurs, and I think he actually spits a little by the sound of it.
