Page 16 of Hold Me Down
“Well, notallof it. She left all of our pictures, and I have one of her hoodies that you grabbed for me, but most of that is already here. Her mom is driving her car back, so I’m guessing she’salready left.” He fidgets with his fingers, and I hate how this grief is still attacking him. Now that Damien is home, and he doesn’t have an excuse to run from his anger, it’s time we focus on his well-being as well. I’m not going to let him fall back into that decaying mindset.
“I'm, uh, going to talk to Doctor Von about seeing you, too,” I say softly, almost afraid of his reaction, and his head snaps in my direction, ready to fight back. “You tried to kill yourself less than two months ago, Zeke. Now that you’re not on a constant mission of taking care of me, your mind is going to wander again. I can’t lose you, okay? Damien can’t handle losing you. Please? I just… I want to make sure you’re okay, too.” He squints his eyes at me like he’s going to immediately retort, but I cut back in. “If she evaluates you and says you’re fine, then you don’t have to, but it’s there for you if you need it.”
“What about you? Are you going to talk to her?” he inquires genuinely. I swallow harshly before I respond, knowing he’s going to use this as ammunition.
“I’d rather not.”
He tilts his head to the side and crosses his arms in obvious annoyance.
“Oh, so I need therapy, but you don’t?”
Yep, I knew it.
“I didn’t say that,” I chuckle. “I think we both know I need counseling.”
“Then why not talk to her?”
I hesitate, because I know how ridiculous I’m going to sound. Out of everything else we have to worry about, my mind should be thinking of other things. From the moment Leanne handed me that card, though, this has been on my mind.
“Okay, you’re going to think this is stupid, but she’s been a lot more active lately.” I poke my belly. “And around twenty weeks, babies can start to hear things outside of the womb. I’llbe twenty-one weeks soon, and I don’t want her to hear what happened to us while her brain’s developing. It’s not like she can understand anything, but still, it just—”
“That’s not stupid, Ash. That’s actually really sweet.” His eyes flicker with something that’s almost endearment, and the same feeling rolls in my chest. He reaches out and pats my leg, reassuring me. “But it wouldn’t hurt if we all talked to the doctor. These past few months have really taken a toll on everyone, and you’re not exempt from that.” He pulls his hand away, and I nod in silent agreement. I look down at my hands while I play with the sleeve of this shirt, thinking everything over, when Zeke releases a playful sigh. He shrugs like he’s just brushing off the heavy conversation, and I focus back on him. “I'm sure everything will be fine, though. Hey, maybe she’s deaf. Then she won’t hear anything.”
My jaw drops.
“Jesus, Zeke!” I slap his arm. He just laughs as I shake my head playfully in disapproval. “She’s not deaf,” I proclaim.
“How do you know, smart-ass? Maybe I'm right for a change.”
“Well, first thing is that’s a shitty thing to be right about, and secondly…” I pause, giving me enough time to gather the courage to say it, and for him to stop laughing. My body relaxes just at the thought of what I’m about to admit, and a warm feeling overtakes me. “Because she gets excited when Damien talks.”
I smile softly, and Zeke instantly stops laughing. A genuine grin dawns on his face, and that look of fondness shines through his eyes again. If he doesn’t stop looking at me like that, I might just start crying. So, I look back at my sleeves.
“I know how crazy that sounds,” I interject before he can make some bullshit, brotherly comment. “And it could be my hormones playing tricks on me, but I’ve noticed it the past few days. Even when he was having his spells, and he would talk tohimself or shout, she would start moving more. Before he went outside, I swear she was kicking one of my organs, reacting to him.” I can’t help but giggle, and shockingly, he laughs with me, like he doesn’t think it’s so ridiculous after all.
“She knows her daddy,” he says proudly, and I can’t help but smile even wider.
“Yeah… Yeah, I think she does.” I lift my gaze to meet his shit-eating grin just before he looks out to the hallway. There’s a smugness to his face that wasn’t there just a second ago, and I can’t help but narrow my eyes at him, wondering what he’s feeling so satisfied about.
“Hey, D,” Zeke says just as confidently, and goosebumps instantly prickle along my body. I turn my head in the same direction, and my heart almost beats out of my chest. Damien is leaning against the wall, listening in. He doesn't seem as angry as he was before, but now he looks upset, like a new sadness is breaking through.
“Hey, baby.” I sit up a little straighter, hoping he’ll feel comfortable enough to sit down beside me. His lips curl into a soft, heartbreaking half-grin before he pushes off the wall and walks directly over to me. “Are you okay? Do you need some—"
Before I can finish my question, he leans down, grabs my face in his hands, and crashes his lips to mine. It takes me by surprise, considering how upset he was before, and in his mind, his father just came back from the dead. I quickly melt into it, though, unable to deny how amazing it feels. My skin comes alive, and the warmth that was already wading through my body spreads into my chest. He pulls back after a few moments, and I immediately hate the space. The corner of his mouth curves into a faint smile, and I’m quick to match it.
“Hi,” he whispers while keeping his face just a few inches from mine.
“Hey,” I reply quietly.
“I’ve missed you.” His lashes flutter just a little as he looks into my eyes, and a hundred emotions hit me all at once. I wasn’t sure that I would ever see him look at me that way again. There was a real chance that I would never hear those words leave his mouth, but hearing them now almost steals my breath.
“I missed you, too…” I move my hand to cup his face, and the way he leans into my touch almost takes me out.
“Well, I’m going to go taunt our little guest. Yell for me when dinner’s ready.” Zeke smirks again and stands, but he doesn’t hold the same attitude this time. Damien turns his head and looks at him, but not enough to move my hand.
“Leave Victoria alone. She won’t be a problem,” he says confidently, and Zeke groans in disappointment. I can’t lie, I’m also let down. Victoria deservessometype of repercussion for what she’s done. I want her to suffer insurmountably, just like he has. But for whatever reason, Damien doesn’t feel like it’s necessary—at least for now. Zeke starts to step away, a little less excited than before, but Damien cuts back in, holding him back. “Thanks for everything, Zeke,” he says softly, and Zeke’s face practically melts.
“Always, man.” He pats Damien’s shoulder and makes his way towards the stairs.
