Page 116 of Hold Me Down
“Baby’s one-minute Apgar is six,” she announces. One minute? She’s already a minute old? How the fuck did that happen? “Dad, I want you to rub up and down her back for two minutes for me, okay?” she says to me, and I almost didn’t catch it.Dad…Oh, my God. That's amazing… I can definitely get used to that.
I do as she says without hesitation, admiring her tiny form beneath my hand. Her cries soften the moment I touch her. My hand trembles as that realization hits, and I look at my wife—my incredible, divine wife. Her teary, golden eyes shine with so much happiness and love, making me choke on my own tears.
“I love you, Ashia. I love you both so fucking much.”
“I love you, too, Damien,” she sobs, and I lean down to kiss her, making sure she doesn’t have to move at all. Her kiss iseverything she is—tender, warm, and loving, making me even more mushy than I already felt. I pull back and rest my forehead against hers, nudging my nose along her cheek.
“Thank you for this…for her, for us, for everything,” I whisper through shaky lips. I'm going to say those words every day for the rest of my life after what she just went through.
Serena comes into view, reminding me that she’s even here, and gently lays a hospital blanket over the baby once the doctor looks her over again.
“Her five-minute Apgar is eight,” Dr. Campbell notes.Fiveminutes? Holy fuck, make it stop… “We’ll take her once this heat lamp gets warm enough to check her weight, length, and other things.” The doctor looks at me and nods knowingly, and that means they’ll be checking her for temperature regulation issues, blood sugar, and other things like Serena said.
I nod back and look back down at our perfect daughter as she relaxes against Ashia’s chest. When I move my hand to inspect her tiny feet, she squirms, like he hates that I'm not touching her anymore, and another tear slips from my eye.
“Did you ever think about more names?” I'll let this woman name our daughter whatever she wants. She fought through hours of pain to bring her into this world. Anything she could ever ask of me will always be answered with yes.
“Well, I’ve actually had the same name circling my head for the past few months, but I wasn’t sure how you'd feel about it,” she says as she wipes tears away and goes back to stroking our baby’s cute little face.
“Oh yeah?” I ask curiously. She takes a deep breath, like she’s nervous to say it. If she thinks for a moment that anything she could come up with would revolt me, it’s because she's exhausted and not thinking straight. She looks up at me again, and her loving smile forms with certainty.
“How about…Emma Taylor Hartley?”
I have to pinch the bridge of my nose to keep myself from sobbing. My face contorts regardless, though, so I nuzzle my face into hers before I kiss her again.God, I fucking love this woman.Every breath I take is for the two people I hold in my arms, and it’s unbelievable how every single day, my wife just gives me more reasons to love her.
“You are the most beautiful, pure human being, you know that?” I whisper against her lips. She smiles even wider and runs her nose along my jaw, sending warmth and endearment through my body.
“So, I take it you like it?”
“I fucking love it.” I look back down to our baby girl and think about my sister. How well her and Ashia would have gotten along, how much she’d love our little girl, all of the other things she’s missed out on. I can't believe our baby has blonde hair just like her… I wonder when she opens her eyes, if she’ll share that, too.
I pull out my phone and make sure Ashia’s breasts are fully covered before I snap a picture of us. My wife looks like a fucking warrior, all exhausted and sweaty after battle, but she’s so beautiful…so perfect. I'm sure everyone at the Attic that isn’t on duty is drunk as hell and waiting for this image. I've only dreamed of the day I would send one to them. Out of all of the labor parties we had, I never believed they’d have one for me or that I would have such an amazing partner by my side, making all of my dreams come true. Yet, here we are, smiling wide at each other, completely in love as I press send.
Once I cut the umbilical cord and it’s safe to move Ashia, I pull her back onto the bed so she can rest. My girls stay in my arms, just like they were always meant to. I'll never leave this spot. Someone is going to have to pry me away, and that’s if I let them.
Chapter 41
Damien
I died.
It’s the only explanation.
The world around me is brighter, lighter. Somehow, I've snuck into heaven, and God finally deemed me worthy enough to stay. Two angels sleep next to me, one on the hospital bed and the other against my chest, and I can't decide who to look at. It’s easy when my Goddess is holding her. I can stare at them in awe until the minutes pass and my blinking reflexforcesme to miss a moment.
Emma’s tiny chest rises and falls against mine as she lays asleep. Her adorable little hand is curled around my finger, laid next to my tattoo of her mother’s name, and my bottom lip trembles as I stare at it again. They really have no idea how much they mean to me—how void my life was before them. I’m so weak for them, yet I’ve never felt stronger.
Our baby girl is three hours old. My little Emma… She’s five pounds, one ounce, and barely under fifteen inches long.She’s so tiny… Smaller than Dr. Campbell was hoping, but she’s perfect in every way. I knew she would take after her mother. Why wouldn’t she? Ashia is divinity in human form, a force so powerful that she has to be contained until the stars are ready for her. Our baby girl is no different. Even as I hold her delicate form to my chest, I know she’ll be unstoppable. She’s going to take over the fucking world, and I’ll hold her mother in my arms as we watch her do it with pride.
She hasn’t had to go to the NICU, thankfully, even though she is having some trouble regulating her temperature. She’s either been on Ashia’s chest or mine, and the only time she wasn’t held by us was when I helped Ashia shower right before she fell asleep. Serena stood over Emma’s bassinet to monitor her while she was under the heat lamp, but it almost gave Ashia a panic attack when she felt she took too long. It wasn’t even fifteen minutes, but the fear in her eyes made my stomach flip. I tried to reassure her that she needs to be taken care of, too, but my sweet, stubborn woman kept trying to get out. I wouldn’t let her until she felt like a human being again. Then afterward, I got her dressed in the comfortable pajamas we packed, and I brushed her hair while she breastfed our princess. I was surprised when she actually listened when I suggested she take a nap before she tried to feed her again, but my little wolf is so exhausted, she couldn’t help it.
The baby’s also very sleepy, and is sluggish when she is awake, but they said that’s normal for being as early as she was. Dr. Campbell also advised that she’ll be sensitive to light, loud noises, or rocking too harshly for the first few weeks. So we’ve dimmed the lights, closed the blinds, spoken softly, and been as gentle as humanly possible with her. There’s no way I’m letting anything disturb my little girl, and Serena was quick to warn the staff of what would happen if they did. She even updatedour families on her and Ashia’s condition for me, so hopefully everyone will get the hint and not try to visit right away.
I finally avert my gaze and look over at my beautiful, sleeping wife, wondering what the hell I did to deserve such a gift. How did I win the heart of someone so courageous? Words will never be able to describe the all-consuming love I have for her. She likes to say that I saved her, but she doesn’t realize she brought me back to life. Ashia Morgan Hartley restarted a heart I thought was long dead, and it only took one look. One glance. One touch of gold as the sun set, and my reason for living shone through everything else. I carry every word she’s ever spoken and every smile she’s graced me with in my heart, and I will for eternity. Our love overcomes mortal boundaries such as time or distance, etched into the very base of our existence. She has always been, and will always be,everythingto me.
I never thought I was capable of loving two people so much, but now that I have her and our baby girl, I'm a sopping, mushy mess. How will I ever be scary again?
My thoughts are interrupted when the hospital room phone rings. Ashia jerks awake, as if it scared her, and my sweet Emma flinches from the noise, letting go of my finger and whimpering. My stomach instantly churns, like I’ve jumped off a cliff. Anger charges forward, not only at whoever the fuck is calling right now, but at myself for not thinking of this possibility. I attempt to soothe Emma with a small kiss to her head, and I whisper softly, hoping to God that I don’t overstimulate her any further.
