Page 40 of Mended Souls
“What is it, princess?”
“It’s stupid.”
“Tell me.”
She sighed, her expression shifting into one of absolute exhaustion, but not the physical kind. “I never expected sex to be like this or for me, to get off as many times as I do.”
I lifted her chin, seeing her eyes glassy. “Why not?”
“I used sex as self-harm, never really for pleasure, but all my partners only cared about getting off. Dom, he always made mefeel…” She sighed. “He was a mistake. I just wish I knew before, y’know?”
I repositioned us so Kadence is sitting in my lap, and I gently caress her face, wiping the stray tear that fell. “He obviously wasn’t man enough for you, and if I ever see him, I’m cutting his penis off.”
“He’ll never find me again,” she whispered. It would take a lot for me not to tell Hunter to find him so I could kill the bastard. “He used to be everything I thought I wanted, but he was just a toy for me to use to hurt my father. It was my fault. Nothing bad would have happened to me if I was the doting daughter.”
Those four words triggered something inside me.It was my fault.“Never say that again. What happened to you is not your fault. I never want to hear those words fall from your lips again. You were attacked. It doesn’t matter what happened that led up to it.”
She rested her head on my chest, and I felt her tears hit my skin. “Thank you.”
“Of course. Now what do you say? We take a shower and enjoy the rest of the night?”
Kadence was sleeping peacefullyin my bed. After heated make out sessions, she wanted to shower to help her heated skin. I spent three hours watching her sleep, running my fingers through her blue tresses and down her body. My fingers would linger over the healing marks on her wrists. The ones she made,and the ones I caused. Guilt tugged at my chest, but I wouldn’t let it dictate how I moved on. She was slowly starting to forgive me.
I wasn’t worthy of her forgiveness. I told her I would burn the world for her, and I would. Kadence was a prize, and I wouldn’t let anyone, including my demons, harm her ever again. I’d do anything and everything I could to protect her, even if that meant protecting her from myself.
I slipped out of my bedroom and into my office.I was falling in love. It was something I never thought would happen again. I glanced at the picture of Olivia on my desk, her memory tugging at my heart as I grabbed my whiskey glass and decanter of whiskey.
“You’d like her, Livvy,” I muttered as I removed the stop on the decanter and poured myself a glass. “She’s sassy, like you.”
I swirled the whiskey around the glass before finishing it in one gulp. Fear danced across my skin, sending a shudder down my spine. Being in love was dangerous, especially with someone trying to rile me up. They already knew about Kadence, and I did everything I could to keep her at a distance. Whoever this was already used her as a pawn in their game, and they succeeded at getting a reaction.
I was fully intending on killing them for harming my people. Emotions clouded my judgement and the feelings for Kadence vanished to the back of my mind after being replaced with grief. I was the same woman I was after losing my wife and daughter. If she didn’t have a panic attack and Hunter didn’t bust down there like a bat out of hell, or if Hawke didn’t snap out of his grief-filled haze, I would have harmed her beyond repair.
I wasn’t ashamed of who I was. I was in love with Kadence, but she would need to accept me for who I was. Changing who I was wasn’t in the cards. I was a killer, and I’d continue to do what was needed if it meant protecting my girls, my club, andmy motorcycle club. The blood on my hands was permanent. I needed her to realize that before we both decided if this was what we wanted.
Hunter waltzed into my office with a shit-eating grin spread across her face. “So how’s lover's paradise? By the hickies on your neck, I’d say you had a party.”
I rolled my eyes, filling my glass with another hefty pour of whiskey. “What do you want, Hunter?”
“Why do you think I want something?”
I arched my brow. “It’s 3:00 a.m. The only thing people do this late is wallow with their demons.”
“That’s the difference between me and you, Blaize. You wallow, I accept. My demons are a part of me. Loud and screaming heathens that live inside me.”
“One day, those demons will make you do something you regret.”
“Nope. Cause I won’t fall in love. You’re not a cold-hearted monster, Blaize. You act like it, but you loved before—I never did. No one will fix the dead thing in my chest.”
“Mmhmm. Now what is it?”
“I found information on Kadence’s father and that gang in New York. Nick Carpenter wants to know where his daughter is, but as far as everyone else is concerned, Caden is dead. The Born Killerz initiated their new leader and pretended Liam Keller never even existed. His death never mattered to them. Profit does.”
“And her ex?”
Hunter laughed. “Is the ugliest motherfucker I’ve ever laid eyes on. Was Kadence blind the entire relationship? Her taste in women is a hell of a lot better than in men.”
“Focus or get out.”
