Page 19 of Mended Souls
“Don’t.” I pulled my arm away. “I wish I could fucking hate you.”
And then I was gone as Blaize yelling at Hunter filled my ears.
CHAPTER 16
BLAIZE
Ilooked at Hunter, anger radiating in my bones. This shouldn't be the emotion I was feeling when I had no right, but the woman I trusted with my life—my best friend—fucked the woman I was in love with.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Hunter?” I seethed. Why was I angry? I had no right to be angry. “Did you hurt her?”
Hunter narrowed her gaze on me. “If you think I would hurt her, you don’t know me, Blaize. I did whatshewanted.”
“How long were you waiting for it?” I snapped.
Hunter smirked. “You can’t be pissed when you hurt her.”
“You were the one person I thought wouldn’t cross that line. I fucked up, but you were supposed to be by my side.” I grabbed the door to the front of my club. “I lost her. I didn’t think I’d lose you, too.”
“Blaize, now you kno?—”
I didn’t give her the chance to finish before I slipped out of my club. Arguing with her was futile. I needed to clear my head before I did something I would regret. My control was faltering, and I needed to get it back. My first stop on this spiral was the liquor store. My next destination was unknown, but my lipsdidn’t touch this bottle until I was off my bike and stumbling up the stairs.
The stained glass mocked me as I pushed the church doors open. I didn’t know why I decided to come here, but it was the only place I could think of in town to vent without repercussions.
Jesus was supposed to be a saving grace for people, but why was he suffocating me even more? Why did I even fucking come here? I haven’t been inside the walls of one of these places since I stopped Hunter a few times. The priest here wasn’t a creep nor was he a rapist. Some God-fearing men truly fear their god, and Father Hillman was one of them.
I glanced at the mantra in Latin.Ignoscere.To forgive.
I scoffed at the saying as I stumbled into the door. How could someone forgive me when I destroyed a part of them? I stumbled into the pew, refusing to step foot into the confessional. My sins would bleed on the floor like I made Kadence bleed.
Kadence.
Of course, she slept with Hunter. Why wouldn’t she? Hunter was a lover behind her rough exterior, and I hit a personal wound for them both.
I wish I could fucking hate you.
The pain was there. The broken pieces of her lived behind her forest-green hues. There were no remnants of the sparky woman who captivated me. I hurt her. I deserved to be miserable and wallow in this misery while she had Hunter.
I folded my hands and rested them on the bench before me, laying my head down on them. There were people here, but it was late. Father Hillman might not even notice I was here until I was walking out of the door.
And then I let go.
A broken woman spilling her guts because the alcohol wasn’t enough anymore.
“I can handle knives, bullets, and even torture,” I let out a wry laugh, “but the look in her eyes? It replays in my mind a thousand times a day. I did that. I became the thing that caused her to…spiral.”Triggeredsounded too clean. “My grief turned into cruelty. My anger was turned into a weapon.”
I made a promise to protect innocent people, and then I hurt a woman who had made me feel alive for the first time in years. And for the first time, I didn’t know how to fix things. I didn’t have control.
“I don’t think anyone cares enough to listen to me.” My voice went raw, almost desperate, like I was on the verge of begging someone to listen to my devotion. “I would break myself down to the bone and rebuild every piece of myself if it meant I could be her peace and not her destruction. I would spend the rest of my life proving I can be a better woman.”
No answer.
Nothing.
There were no more words. Only a drunk, hollow shell of a woman. I needed to do something, break something. Hell, I needed to fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness.
My boot caught the pew as the world titled on its axis, and I went crashing down. The cool marble floor slammed into my face, sharp enough to steal my breath. Pain rippled through me, but it was the least I deserved.
