Page 44 of Hell On Heels
“And what did he do?”
“He got all polite.” Lottie grimaced. “You know when someone’s being so nice it actually makes things worse.”
“Oh, not the polite shutdown.” Sway winced in sympathy.
Lottie pointed a finger at her best friend. “Exactly.”
“Men are idiots," Sway said, shaking her head.
Lottie laughed under her breath. “I switched shifts just where I could avoid him.”
Sway stared at her for a second before shaking her head. “Lottie.”
“What?”
“You like him.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement.
Lottie’s stomach instantly tightened. “No, I don’t.”
“You switched your entire schedule because of one failed date.” Sway lifted a brow.
Lottie opened her mouth to argue, then shut it again when the waitress came back with the drinks and took their food order.
When she walked away, Lottie stared at Sway thinking she might know her better than she knew herself. “Let’s focus on lunch and shopping. Whatever happens with Razor is something I’ll worry about tomorrow, or the next day,” Lottie said with a shrug.
Once lunch was over, they spent the afternoon wandering through Old City, ducking in and out of little shops until the sun started to dip lower in the sky. By the end of the day, Lottie waved to Sway as she pulled away, then headed toward her own car.
It had been a good day. A really good day. She’d spent it with her best friend, laughing more than she had in weeks.
Now all she wanted was a hot bath, a glass of wine, and a quiet evening at home.
* * *
Lottie settled into a hot bath, letting the warm water soothe her tense muscles, the soft flicker of candlelight danced along the tiled walls. The faint scent of lavender and vanilla clung to the steam rising around her, wrapping her in a cocoon of warmth.
As the warm water enveloped her, she unwound and enjoyed the quiet. Closing her eyes, she mentally prepared for her next shift at the clinic. There were a few things she did learn while out shopping with Sway. Razor had not brought up the date from what Vicious had said. The man was as aloof as always when it came to his personal life.
Lottie knew he was probably still participating atThe Red Door. The thought caused the feeling of jealousy to wash over her at the thought of Razor playing with a sub. Lottie’s fingers clenched slightly around the edge of her bath, the smooth porcelain suddenly feeling cold and unyielding beneath her touch. The thought of Razor participating in his usual activities atThe Red Door—surrounded by people who weren’t her—brought arush of heat to her face. The brief flashes of jealousy she had dismissed before now felt undeniable.
She tried to push the thought away, focusing instead on the soothing feeling of the water, but it lingered in the back of her mind. She had known what he was into long before that ill-fated date. His world was one of control, dominance, and a side of him that he kept carefully hidden. But the idea of him with someone else in that space—the space that, for a brief moment, she thought maybe she could occupy—gnawed at her.
“Why does it matter?” she asked herself, trying to reason through the feelings.
He hadn’t said anything to her about his personal life, and she hadn’t pushed. He hadn’t even brought up the date, and Sway had confirmed that Razor was his usual, aloof self—focused on work and seemingly uninterested in discussing anything that didn’t involve the clinic. But still, the thought of him, someone else’s hands on him, someone else at his mercy…it was enough to make her stomach twist.
Vicious had said Razor was distant when it came to his personal life, and Lottie wasn’t sure if she envied or resented that trait. Maybe it was easier for him to keep things casual, impersonal. He didn’t seem to get attached. And maybe that’s what made him so good at his job, at the clinic his detachment allowed him to be the professional everyone needed him to be.
But her? Lottie wasn’t sure she had the same capacity for emotional distance. She wanted to believe she was strong, but the jealousy still burned, a low ache that she couldn’t ignore. The idea of him being with someone else, someone more suited to his world, someone who could handle the intricacies of his lifestyle, felt like a sharp reminder of how out of place she might’ve been.
Her chest tightened as she sank deeper into the water, letting her head rest against the cool curve of the tub. The soft drip of condensation from the faucet echoed faintly in the quiet room, a rhythmic reminder of time slipping by. She couldn’t keep obsessing over it, not when she had a chance to breathe. To clear her head.
But the truth was, it wasn’t just jealousy. It was longing. A raw, unfulfilled yearning that gnawed at her in the quiet moments. She wanted to be part of that world with him, wanted to be the one he turned to when his guard was down. The one who saw beyond the aloof exterior to the man underneath.
Her fingers trailed absently over the water’s surface, ripples spreading outward as if echoing the chaos of her thoughts. The gentle creak of the house settling reminded her she wasn’t entirely alone, yet in this moment, it felt like the rest of the world had disappeared. She wanted to be strong enough to face him, to push past the awkwardness and tell him how she felt. But the fear of rejection, of being told she didn’t belong in his life, was enough to keep her frozen.
Shoving out of the water, she was done trying to relax. “Damn him for mixing me up so much,” she said aloud.
Chapter Twenty-Five
