Page 49 of Elite Player
“Why not?”
“It lets me disappear.”
Something inside me dies at her words, and I deflate. Her grip on my wrist loosens, and I let my hand fall. If she doesn’t want me to touch her, I won’t, but I need to dosomething. Comfort her somehow. So I settle for resting my hand over hers, the tip of my index finger rubbing my ring on her finger.
“I wish you wouldn’t hide from me,” I rasp, my throat on fire with emotion, a mix of sorrow and resentment.
“I’m trying not to, but it’s hard.” When her voice cracks, so does my heart.
“I got you, Jo. You know that, right? I’m on your team, and I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
She sniffles and slowly shakes her head before continuing her story. “Back then, I was an easy target, and I honestly don’t even know if they meant to be as hurtful as they were. To them, it was a joke.Iwas a joke.”
I close my eyes, breathing deeply to calm my racing heart, imagining going to that godforsaken town and pummeling everybody I come across.
“They made fun of my teeth, called me Bucky Beaver. I’m not even sure who started it, but as early as I can remember, that’s what I was called, by everyone. The whole town.”
I’ll knock some fucking teeth loose. See who’s Bucky Beaver then.
“I wanted braces, but my parents couldn’t afford it…not with all the money they were putting toward Lizzie’s pageants. And later, when I was older, they made fun of anything they could, my nose, my hair, my skin. I had really bad acne, and… I just wanted to disappear.”
She doesn’t say it, but I understand the double meaning. She wanted to disappear permanently, and I don’t want to imagine a world without Josephine Atkins in it.
“You don’t deserve that,” I tell her. “Not then, and not now. And I’m sorry I had any part in making you feel that way.”
She scoots toward me, parting her knees so I’m cradled in thespace between her thighs, staring up at her beautiful face. Because I don’t care what anyone says, she is beautiful. I love her teeth and when she finally gives up her fight and smiles my way. I love the way she scrunches her nose when I say something that annoys her and how I can read everything she’s feeling because of her expressive eyes. I love the way she focuses behind her camera and holds herself, confident in her work.
I love the way she doesn’t look like anyone else in the world because she’s mine. My Jo.
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you, though,” she says quietly, meeting my gaze. “You’ve never made me feel like that. None of this mess is your fault.”
“So why did you tell me you don’t want to be with me anymore?”
She scrunches her nose in that way I love, but I don’t love her next words. “We’re not together. Not for real.”
I wave them away. “You know what I mean.”
She sniffles. “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep being reminded of all the worst things I’ve ever thought about myself, when I’ve done so much work to be better.”
“But isn’t that what they want? You can’t give in, not if…” I swallow down my words,not if this is what you want.
Not if I’m what you want.
Because let’s be fucking for real, I want her. I want Jo, and I want her to want me back.
“You said it yourself, you’ve done so much work to get to this place where you feel good about yourself, so don’t let them win. Don’t listen to them. They don’t matter.”
Her throat lifts on a swallow, and she licks her cracked lips. “I know, but it’s hard.”
Even though my feelings for Jo might have grown, I know hers haven’t, so I return to the original purpose of our fake engagement. “But think about how good it will feel to rub your sister’s face in it when I walk into your great-grandma’s party.”
“You’re not going.”
“You bet your sweet ass I am. We’ll tell that whole town to kiss it.”
That earns a short laugh. Barely a puff of sound, but it’s something.
“Come on, Jojo. SayYes, Nico.Yes, you’ll come with me to my family’s party.”
