Page 47 of Vincent
"Pardon?"
"Are you using anything for protection against pregnancy?"
"No." Althea felt her heart sinking at the look on his face.
"Why not?"
"I-I came off the pills just before I left to come back home. I wasn't seeing anyone-"
"And it never occurred to you to start taking it?"
Her eyes glittered at his tone. "Why didn't you?"
"You want children."
"Of course-"
"I cannot accommodate you in that respect. Was that what you were hoping? That I would suddenly change my mind and want to start a family? I'm broken, Thea, and you bloody well knew it. I would never want to put another woman through what Lizzie went through." He dragged his fingers through his hair agitatedly. "We shouldn't have started-"
"You bastard!" The pain was more than she could bear. Althea felt as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to her chest and was pounding nonstop. She could not breathe. "I love you." Her hand went to her throat as if she could erase the rawness. "I've loved you since high school-"
His eyes snapped wide open and he stared at her in shock.
"That's not-"
"Possible?" she asked achingly. "I took it for granted that we would end up together. That's why I left when you chose her.When you chose Lizzie. I loved you then and I love you now. You asked me why I'm not in a relationship. It's because of you. I could not bear to be with anyone else."
Vincent felt as if he was living in a nightmare. The years rolled back and he saw her as a fifteen-year-old daring him to climb trees. Laughing when he fell into the lake and was soaked to the skin. Memories flashed through his brain with stark precision.
"No." He shook his head. "No."
"Yes."
"You never said anything."
"I started to." She turned away to fill a glass with water. "That time you came into my dorm, I started to tell you and then you told me how you met someone and you'd fallen in love. I felt my heart shattering into a million pieces." She drank the glass of water and still felt thirsty.
"I-I'm sorry-"
"Don't!" She was getting hysterical.
"I cannot go through this again," he said hoarsely, stumbling to his feet. "I'm sorry, Thea. I cannot do this again. Please forgive me."
She watched him race out of the kitchen and out of her life. She sat there even when she heard the front door slam shut and his tires spinning on the gravel as he drove away. Dry-eyed, she put away the wine and made herself a cup of tea. And felt as if she was slowly dying.
*****
He drove around aimlessly for over an hour, her words reverberating inside his head.
She had been in love with him since they were teenagers and she never once said anything to him. They had been best friends, and she never once gave the impression that she wanted anything else other than friendship. Even in college, he had waited for her to show him some sign that she wanted more and she never did.
It was her fault, he thought angrily. He had turned to someone else because he thought she wasn't interested. All the years they had been together and the wasted opportunity. If she had once said something, he would not have been interested in anyone else.
"Damn you," he whispered hoarsely, hands clenched on the steering wheel. "Damn you for telling me this now. What the hell do you expect me to do about it? How the hell do you expect me to feel?"
Turning the car around, he headed home to his son.
*****
