Page 84 of When a Cowboy Falls Hard
“When I left you were smiling. Now you’re frowning. What’s up?”
She watched him walk over to the bed and her heart stuttered. So beautiful. So out of reach. If he’d had some big announcement about a change of heart he would have made it before they climbed into this bed.
Or not. He might broach it now. Had she been secretly hoping she’d arrive and discover he’d had an epiphany? Sure looked like it.
If he had changed his mind, she’d still be wary of diving into a relationship that was in full view of his family. And Tex. But she’d at least consider it.
She sucked in a breath. “I was just wondering if you’d talked with your grandmother?”
“Yes. This morning.” He laid a pillow against the headboard, got in and leaned against it. Then he reached for her hand and gazed at her. “Are you worried about how my family’s reacting to us nipping this in the bud?”
He hadn’t changed his mind. The bubble of hope she’d allowed to grow burst, leaving icky, sticky emotions behind. “I guess. Uncle Graham says it won’t change the way they think about me and Tex. And Mari, when she eventually meets them.”
“It won’t.” He squeezed her hand. “If anything, they’re probably wondering what’s wrong with me, backing away from a beautiful woman and an adorable kid.”
“You haven’t talked to anyone else?”
“Not yet. It may be coming. Grandma and I sat out on the porch. She wanted us to be seen since she was the official representative from the family. They’ll go to her first.”
“You think they’ll be upset with you?”
“I doubt it. Disappointed, maybe.”
He didn’t deserve that. “Look, I’m the one who started this. I’ll bet you didn’t share that with your grandmother.”
“No, and I won’t. Not with her, or anyone. You were ready to leave, but I knocked myself out convincing you to stay. Even talked you into showing up tonight. We created this situation together.”
“Okay, but they need to give you credit for having valid concerns about how our situation would affect Tex. That’s realistic on your part. Wise, even.”
He snorted and glanced away. “My grandma thinks I’m more scared than wise.”
“It’s perfectly normal to be scared. All you wanted was fun and games. Then suddenly you’re expected to make life-changing decisions.”
A muscle in his jaw tightened. “Thank you for that, but?—”
“Seriously, I get why you don’t want to suddenly take on a mom and her kid.”
Dragging in a breath, he turned to face her. “My grandma’s right. I’m terrified. I’m not a good bet, Zinnia. I could really screw things up for you.”
“If you say so.” She could argue the point, but she’d be going against her own advice. Never talk a man into marriage or fatherhood. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.
His attention shifted to the desk with the family pictures on it. “There are so many ways I could get it wrong. Spend too much time on my career and mess up as a father. Spend too much time being a father and sabotage my career. Make sure I excel at both and ignore you. Or, and this is the scenario that freaks me out the most — I could push myself to be great at everything and end up like my father, dying in my fifties.”
“What?”
“My dad was an overachiever. They used to call them Type-A personalities and they’re usually men. They’re determined to be good at everything they take on. That tendency’s particularly dangerous if heart problems run in the family.”
“You have a heart problem?” She pressed a hand to her chest. “Why didn’t you say?—”
“I don’t have one now, but I’m genetically predisposed, something I tend to ignore. At least I think I ignore it, but I may be kidding myself about that.”
“What about Adam? Is he worried about this?”
“I don’t know. Haven’t discussed it with him. My grandma suggested I do that. For all I know he’s decided against having kids to make it easier on Tracy if he follows the pattern.”
“Is there a pattern?”
He nodded. “My grandfather and great-grandfather also died of heart attacks in their mid-fifties.” He glanced at her. “Until now, I’ve shoved all of this to the back of my mind.”
