Page 43 of Irresistibly Us
The easy answer is I have a job that ties me to the city, and my family is here.
ChaosQueen
And the complicated answer?
RenegadeRush
How do you know there’s a complicated answer?
ChaosQueen
You usually have one. I think you put on an easygoing front, but below the surface, you’re oceans deep.
I chuckle as I read her response over and over again, wondering how it’s possible that this woman, who I’ve only been messaging with for a week, has me figured out so completely. There’s only one other person in my life who knows the whole of me like this, and she’s been my best friend for twenty-six years.
This shouldn’t be possible. And yet.
RenegadeRush
Nah, I’m just a simple, football loving kind of guy.
ChaosQueen
You’re not, so give me the hard answer.
Shaking my head, smile playing on my lips, I type the actual answer that came to me the second I read her question.
RenegadeRush
It actually is true that my job ties me to Pittsburgh in a kind of permanent way, and I’m not mad about that because I grew up here, and I really do love this city. But even if none of that were true, here is still where I would want to be, because this is where my best friend is.
ChaosQueen
And if your best friend lived somewhere else?
I think about the four years Sophie and I were apart for college, seeing each other only on school breaks and every April when we came home for birthday night, the promise we made to each other the night we turned eighteen fulfilled. And I know for sure I would never want to be away from Sophie for that long, ever again.
My life is the best when I get to be where she is.
RenegadeRush
I think I would want to go wherever she was. The place doesn’t matter so much. She’s home for me. She has been since we were kids. I’m a lucky guy. I have a big family and a lot of friends who are like my family and they all live here, but she’s my number one.
ChaosQueen
That sounds less like friendship and more like…something more than friendship to me, football guy. Are you sure she’s just a friend?
My thumbs automatically start typing a rebuttal but then I stop, my brain serving me up an image of Sophie on my lap last night. The way my heart sped up when she walked into the kitchen this morning in her pajama pants, pink socks, and my T-shirt. The way my heart ached this morning when I saw her shattered eyes as she looked at the ruined pictures on her bedroom wall. How all I wanted was to put the smile back on her face. How it felt like a victory when I did exactly that because Sophie should always be smiling.
But then there’s also my chaos girl and the way my own smile comes automatically when I see a message from her. The way I anticipate her question of the day—and my own so I can learn more about what’s inside her head. The way I find myselfreaching for my phone at random times, wondering if she’s thinking of me the way I’m thinking of her.
It’s all complicated as fuck.
RenegadeRush
She’s definitely just a friend. My best friend.
As I hit send on the message, I have the thought that this isn’t the first time I’ve had to tell someone Sophie and I are just friends; having a female best friend means we’ve both spent our lives defending the nature of our relationship. But for the first time in my life, it feels a little bit like a lie.
