Page 78 of A Spark So Bright
"How are you doing that?" Gunnar asked.
"I don't know. It's part of what I see all throughout this mountain. A glow that comes from deep within, and it is so beautiful. I think I recognized it because it's in me too." Yes, that was right. She could sense it now.
Rose opened her fingers and let the glow float out of her grip and into the air between them. "Souls, I guess. Spirits who need to be heard and seen. Even while you were asleep, I could see countless of them. Souls that just want to help. They are still here, guiding us, wanting to tell us how to live our lives a little better. Easier."
She was the only person who could see them, which was difficult. But as the light floated over to Gunnar and he held out his hand for it to land on his palm, she felt something inside of her easing. A tension that had built, fear that he wouldn't understand it.
"So you are healed?" he asked, with a brow cocked that said he didn't believe it in the slightest.
"No, I suppose not. I don't know what I'm going to feel when I'm in a crowd, or if I'll ever be able to go to any of your warrior games without getting nervous." She tucked a strand of pale blonde hair behind her ear. "But I do think I'm back to a point where I could try to go. If I'm uncomfortable, I will leave."
His expression darkened. "I don't want you to leave ever again, Rose. It's too hard to watch your soul go where I cannot."
Her entire heart fractured at his words. Because of course he would assume she meant leave to that other realm. To hide from the reality of what was happening. But she didn't mean that.
He wouldn't believe her if she argued. She knew that. But also there was a part of herself that wanted to prove to him she truly meant those words. She was healing. She'd been healing. And a lot of that progress was due to him and his kindness and patience.
Getting up, she walked over to him. "I don't want to go back to that realm in my mind. I don't want to wander again."
Gunnar looked up at her, green eyes full of an emotion she could not name. Maybe it was hope. Hope as she stood abovehim, looking down at his beloved features for a few moments, before straddling his legs.
She sat down on his lap before either of them could second guess what she was doing. Of course, it was uncomfortable at first. Her back went stiff and her thighs were hard as rocks. She wanted to do this, though. Ever since they'd lain next to each other, sharing warmth like they had the first time he had seen her, she had wanted to know what it would be like to have his arms wrapped around her.
Rose deserved to know what that felt like. She deserved to know what it would be like to be held with love and not with pain.
"Rose?" he asked, his tone clearly hesitant.
She didn't want his hesitation right now. "Can you put your arms around me?"
Gunnar had always been a place of certainty for her. He didn't question what he was doing. He just did it. He had taken to holding her hand when he wanted, and she didn't know how he was able to reach for her that easily. Now, she needed him to do that for her while she still wanted to try.
He did what she asked, his arms coming up behind her back and gently holding her. Not trapping. Not forcing. Just holding her because she had asked.
The last strand of that old ache snapped.
Gods, she had wanted someone to hold her without feeling fear for such a long time.
Rose melted into him. She sank into his grip with ten years of pain finally being pulled off her shoulders. He carried that weight for her so she could lean into him like this, easing all the torture and torment that had plagued her for such a long time.
In the circle of his arms, in the safety of his grip, she could finally be herself. Rose wasn't the girl who had been stolen by a king and turned into a prize that he would give to all those hedeemed worthy. She wasn't the failed daughter of a man who had never cared for her. Nor was she the sister of a woman who had fought for her for countless years, proving that Rose wasn't the better half of the siblings.
No, she was just Rose. Rose who had endured, suffered, and come out the other side still here. Still alive.
Still whole.
Tears pricked her eyes, and she let them fall. Silently. Soaking his shirt as he held onto her with a grip that promised she would never worry again. Claws trailed down her back. His barrel chest was so much bigger than any human man's. And beneath all that was the soul of a man that glowed with goodness.
She sat up, and his arms immediately loosened. She had no idea when he had tightened his grip, clutching her against his chest as she’d cried out all the feelings that had broken her for ages. None of it had been overwhelming.
No touch of his could ever be overwhelming for her, though. She’d learned that no matter what, even when he was angry or she was furious, she was safe with him. Gunnar had proven time and time again that nothing would ever stop him from trying to keep her safe and protected.
Sniffing hard, she wiped her face clean of tears and snot. Then she looked at him, determined more than ever. "I want to try to kiss you again," she said, no fear spiking at the thought.
He tilted his head to the side, looking around them. "And just how large of an audience do I have for this?"
She snorted again, and that sound really seemed like a laugh. Almost as though she had chuckled a bit at what he had said. They both froze for a moment, staring at each other as though they were waiting for that person to say how strange that had been.
She cleared her throat instead. "No one. I mean, I think there are souls watching everything we do, but they seem to be very polite. They don't want to violate our privacy."
