Page 40 of A Spark So Bright
She had to live.
That was the point of all of this. She had to live, no matter how terrifying it was or how horrible her life had been. She was here, in Trollveggen, which was so much safer than where she’d spent most of her life, and she was squandering it. Of course, the research she'd done with Rhydian was important. But she hadn't told any of the trolls here the things she could see. All she'd done was wander among them and use their own resources for her gain.
It made her angry at herself to even think such things, because she shouldn't have used them like that. She had been used her entire life. Rose knew better!
Maybe this anger was good. She'd been numb for so long, it felt good to be angry. To feel it. To know that there was more she could do with this life, and she wasn't stuck being abused and tormented.
She hadn't believed Trollveggen would be safe when she'd first arrived here. Nowhere was safe if the very castle of theking held such depravity. But things had changed. She knew the people here were quiet and gentle, and they wanted the best for her. For all of their people.
A soldier like Gunnar had given her his private room. He slept on a bunk with the other troll warriors, while making this room more comfortable for her. She ran her fingers over the extra pillows he'd brought her just a few days ago when he’d noticed that she was rubbing her sore neck.
He did things to make her life easier without even asking. She'd been taking that for granted.
So Rose crept out of this closet of a room that was so sparsely decorated it was utilitarian, and peeked out of the door. No one noticed her looking or listening. They never did. She was as much a ghost to them as Rhydian apparently was.
Gunnar stood with another troll warrior, filling a bag with items she had seen him pack before. A bedroll, dried jerky and supplies for long days without food, weapons. So many weapons.
The other man leaned against the wall, his pale yellow skin almost sickly. She thought his name was Torbin. He'd arrived with her sister's husband and many other trolls who had been captured in the labyrinth with her. She recognized him. Rose hadn’t ever seen someone given to him, which meant he wasn't all that good of a fighter.
"Yes, I'll watch her," Torbin said. "Don't you worry about a thing here. If the king's sending you on an important mission, then you have to go."
"I don't like leaving with the bridal games going on." Gunnar stuffed an extra tunic into the pack with far more force than necessary. He was going to tear the fabric if he kept that up. "Make sure the others keep their hands off her."
"Excuse you. I am not a babysitter. That's a grown woman, and if she wants a man to touch her, then who am I to get in the way?"
Gunnar growled at him. So low and angry that it made the hairs on her arms rise. He was mad about that. Really, truly angry.
He didn't have to be. The idea of anyone touching her made her skin crawl. Not him, she supposed. It would be all right if Gunnar had to touch her, and he had in moments where there was no other option. But he was always respectful, and he had never made her wonder where that hand was going to go next. Just like Astrid.
Torbin sighed and lifted his hands. "All right, all right. What path are you taking so I can make sure there aren't any scouts to see you slip out?"
"The southern pass toward the Silver Forest."
"Understood."
The southern pass. She knew that one. She'd walked by it with Astrid once, and her sister had pointed it out. It was a very well known pass that apparently quite a few trolls took. They usually ended up going that way these days because there weren't a lot of patrols from the humans in that area yet. So that was good news. She knew where he was going.
Something inside her woke up. Unfurling in her soul like it had been waiting for this moment to push her toward a new life. It whispered for her to go with him.
Trollveggen was safe. It was home now. But she’d had her safety net pulled out from under her, and if she was going to live like Rhydian had bid her to do, then leaving this place was perhaps the only way to do it.
Not forever.
But she could prove to the dead elf that she was living, and maybe then he would let her come back. She could disappear into her safe realm one more time, and that would feel so much better than being shut out.
Rose just had to be brave. Which she hadn't been in a very long time, but this newer part of herself almost felt familiar. She'd felt this part of herself before, and it had been the part to lead her into more trouble than not. Adventure was foolish for girls like her. Adventure always led somewhere terrible.
And yet... That part of her whispered that she'd always adventured alone. This time she would have him.
Stupid. These thoughts were ridiculously stupid. At best, she would anger Gunnar even more with her actions. At worst, she'd end up right back in that labyrinth with the king and all his men using her in whatever way he saw fit.
No, wait. The king was dead. The country was in turmoil as they tried to find a new leader, and Rose... Rose was free. She could do this without fear, without wondering what might happen to her if she were caught. She was damn well going to live again.
Even if that was only to get back to a realm where she could hide again.
Resolve settled in her stomach like a rock. She turned back into the small room that she had made her own and started to plan. Maia had gotten her an outfit for gardening back when they were trying to get Rose out more often. The leather breeches and black shirt would suit travel well enough, and it would be better than the dresses Astrid always seemed to bring her. Rose had no idea how long the journey would take them, or what adventure Gunnar was even going on.
She waited until it was very late at night to leave her room. The servants barely even noticed her anymore. They just moved out of her way as she pretended to meander by them in a trance, her eyes slightly unfocused as her feet made their way down the halls toward the kitchen.
