Page 43 of A Spark So Bright
Her features were so pale that even her lips had no color. White as the first snow that likely had already blanketed the world on the outside of this mountain.
"Rose?" he said.
And then the situation came into startling clarity.
He had attacked a woman who had spent her entire life being treated like this. For so long he had been reassuring, keeping her safe, making certain that she did not see him as one of those monsters who had hurt her.
Her eyes were so wide. That pale gaze staring up at him in shock and betrayal. He was certain that in an instant he would lose her. She would disappear, her soul fleeing from him as it had so many times before, but as he watched, she stayed right where she was.
His jaw nearly fell open. "You're still here."
She lifted a slow, shaking hand and pressed her palm against the back of his fist that was still wrapped around her throat. "I can't leave anymore."
With a heavy curse that echoed in the passage behind him, Gunnar threw himself off her. He was forceful in his movement that his back hit the stone wall behind them, nearly knocking the breath out of himself. His hair fell out of the loose knot he'd tied it in, dark locks falling in front of his features as he tried frantically to think of something, anything, he could do to fix this.
He had to fix it.
He had broken something so precious and fragile.
"I'm sorry," he tried. "I didn't know it was you."
"I know you didn't."
"Rose, I would never?—”
"I know." She sat up slowly, and that was when he realized she was clutching a knife in her right hand. It was a kitchen knife, likely stolen before she had followed him, and there was a dark gleam of blood on it.
He glanced down to see the shallowest cut he'd ever had in his life, slicing across his ribs. Probably because she lacked conviction, and also because kitchen knives weren't made to pierce troll hide. But she'd stabbed him.
Her hands were still shaking as she laid the knife on her leg. In fact, her whole body was trembling. Shaking like a leaf in the wind because of what he had done.
Damn it, he was the worst person in the world. She'd been so good lately. He'd even seen that she had been staying in her body by choice, for longer and longer moments. Almost as though she was interested in this life.
"Rose," he whispered, keeping his distance because he doubted she would want him to touch her. "I am so sorry."
"I am not so broken that I cannot realize you did not intend to attack me." Even her voice shook. "I am capable of handling this."
Almost as though she was telling herself and not him.
Gunnar shifted, crouching on the ground to keep himself small. "What can I do? How can I help you?"
She finally looked at him, and those haunted eyes shattered his heart. "I don't really know. Usually I would leave."
"Why haven't you?"
"I have been blocked from that place. Apparently, I need to learn how to live before I can return." Her hand tightened around the knife. "But living is not very easy."
He couldn't imagine it would be for someone like her. She deserved a seer to wipe her memories away so that she could move forward. But he couldn’t give that to her, and right now, he didn't have the time to heal her.
And it made every part of him scream. His soul raged inside him, a whirlwind of fury threatening to tear him apart from the inside out. But he had to do the right thing.
"I'll bring you back," he said slowly. Carefully. Quietly. "You'll be safe in the barracks. Were you wandering when you came here?"
She looked at him like he were an idiot. "I just told you I cannot go to that place anymore."
"Then why are you here, Rose?"
"Because I was following you!" She pointed at him with the knife, and her voice was raised just slightly, almost as though she was angry. "You were leaving. Without me."
