Page 96 of The Heartless One
“But we’re still going to fight?” Jessamine chewed on her bottom lip, watching him to see if he’d given up.
She wouldn’t blame him if he did. He was a god, just like Leon wanted to be. And if Leon succeeded, then they were the same creature. She couldn’t imagine it was easy being the only god alive. Maybe he would welcome a family of his own kind.
The thoughts festered within her and she had to say something before they exploded out of her.
“If you want…” She paused, the words sticking in her throat before she continued. “If you want to align yourself with him, to ensure that you are no longer the only god that serves this world, then I will not be angry with you.”
At his incredulous look, she blew out a little laugh.
“Fine, I will be furious. But I will understand. This must be a very lonely existence for you, and I can’t imagine it was ever your choice to bethe only one left. If you want to side with him, to help bring about another age of gods, there is nothing I can do to stop you. I won’t even…” She took another deep breath. “I won’t even try to stop you, Elric. This can all end now, if you wish it. You always said you wanted to tear the world down.”
It would break her heart to stop fighting. It would fairly kill her to know that she would never get her mother’s throne back or that her people would continue to suffer. But if this was the only way to save more lives than lose them…
Elric sank to his knees before her. He braced his hands on her thighs, spreading her legs so he could move even closer to her. “My love,” he whispered, and those words made her entire being ache. “I would never abandon you.”
He laid his head in her lap, wrapping his arms behind her waist and holding her tightly against him. Jessamine folded. She laid her arms on top of him and rested her torso on the god who had given her so much, the god who would continue to fight until the very last of his breath, just because she wished him to.
She just didn’t know if it was the right choice. What if she got all of these people killed? She’d never wanted that. Death was permanent for them, and while it wasn’t for her… maybe it should have been. Maybe they deserved more than a soulless creature who only saw a single way into making this world better.
“Stop those thoughts,” he muttered against her skin, his lips pressing against her thigh. “You are the queen they both deserve and need, Jessamine.”
“I don’t feel that way.”
“And that is precisely why you should be the one on that throne. You will not deny them the life they need, because you will always seek to satisfy their needs before your own.” He leaned up then, framing her face with one hand. “Where is my nightmare? Where is the woman who will fight tooth and nail to get what she wants? The woman who would destroy an entire kingdom just to know that it wasn’t in the wrong hands?”
“She is frightened.”
“Of what?”
“Of a god stronger than both of us. Of a kingdom that will be lost if I make a mistake.” Her hand shook as she placed it over his on her cheek. “What if we fail, Elric?”
“What if we win?” He drew her forward for a kiss that seared through her. “What if you are the queen that you always believed you could be? What if you take this kingdom into a new age where there is magic in the streets? Where you could walk through the Pleasure District and spell-cast letters flying through the air. Or talking creatures in shops. Perhaps you would see the world as a different place, and if you succeeded in doing so, then Jessamine, you would be the greatest queen this realm has ever seen. Can you deny yourself and your people that future?”
Of course not. Of course she would fight until her last day to know that her people were happy and safe and taken care of. But today she would be weak. Today she would fear for what the future might become. Tomorrow, she would wake and she would fight, just as she had for all these months.
She’d come back from the dead for them. And if she had to die again, then she would. Time and time again.
She leaned forward, pressing her lips to his in a kiss that was blinding. “Make me forget,” she whispered against his mouth. “Make me forget that there is a god we have to fight and a kingdom to save. Make me forget everything but the man I love, Elric.”
He groaned into her mouth. “You don’t know what it does to me that you see me as a man. Jessamine, my heart soars when you speak with me.”
She knew the feeling. Because just the touch of his hand on hers, just the movement of his lips, the way he breathed into her like he didn’t exist without her, it did something deep inside her as well.
As he lifted her from the vanity, gracefully standing with her in his arms as though she weighed nothing, she found herself disappearing into this man who laid her out on the bed like she was a banquet and he’d beenstarving for ages. He was everything to her, too. Fighting with him at her side was a little easier than without.
Jessamine arched into him, and she let all the thoughts in her head trickle away. They would fight. They would win.
Because there was no other choice.
Elric slipped out of their bed, making sure not to disturb her. They’d spent hours exploring each other’s bodies, and she was exhausted. A deep, primal pride bloomed in his chest as he saw her lying there, spread out underneath the covers like she couldn’t move even if the world was ending.
He’d put in the work to get her that way, but she deserved it. Jessamine had been too in her head, and he needed her to be that wild woman who had begged him to give her another chance, even if that meant she had to destroy her own kingdom to do it. And look at her so far, holding true to her word. After everything that they’d done, this kingdom was more in turmoil than it ever had been before.
He pulled on a loose pair of pants and threw a robe over his shoulders before leaving the room. She needed sleep, but he needed to talk with the others. There was much more coming for them, and they could not be unprepared.
A gravesinger could only do so much to lead her coven, after all. Jessamine hadn’t wanted to be the person who runs it, but he’d only ever let covens think they controlled everything themselves. He was the god who gave them power. In the end, it was what he wanted, not what they wanted.
He’d already summoned the witches he needed. Sybil, Agnes, and Elissa waited for him in the kitchen, all of them bleary-eyed and far more tired than he’d expected them to be.
