Page 66 of The Heartless One
“Like me.”
“You aren’t dead, Jessamine.”
“You’ve called me ‘dead girl.’ So many other people have as well.” Those haunted eyes caught his gaze and refused to let go. “Iamdead, Elric. My soul left my body for who knows how long as I drowned in that ocean. I am dead, and nothing can change that.”
“I gave you life!” he fiercely replied. “I gave you all that you lost and more. You are no more dead than I am, nightmare.”
She looked him up and down and then whispered words that seared him to his very bone. “Are you sure you aren’t dead, too, Elric?”
The question staggered him. All of his siblings were dead, that much he knew. His family was dead. Perhaps hehadbeen dead as well. Maybe this rotting corpse of a form was one he conjured until it was too hard to hold on to it any longer. There were too many doubts roving through his mind, but he cleared his throat and asked, “What makes a person alive?”
She stared at him blankly.
“Is it the soul in their body?” He took a step closer to her. “Is it the heart that beats in their chest? Or is it the hopes and dreams that draw them through life as they change the lives of others? What is life to you?”
“I don’t know. How can any mortal know the answer to that question?”
“Shall I answer it for you? Shall I tell you what life is?”
Her eyes were wide, and he could see her heartbeat thundering in the vein at her throat. He caught her hand, placing it carefully against his heart, which beat just as fast as hers. “Thisis life, Jessamine. You and I, standing here, fighting for what we believe in. That is life. You cannot doubt it simply because it frightens you to no longer have a soul.”
And yet, he wouldn’t let her go. Even if she wanted to die, he knew he wouldn’t let her soul go to the afterlife. He would keep her here, no matter how much she begged, for he couldn’t imagine his existence without her.
Jessamine didn’t react, just turned her head to watch the infected people move toward the windows. From up here, he could see one of the neighbor’s servants walking a dog in the street. She had frozen in place, staring at the house full of infected with his jaw hanging open. All the infected people were moving toward the life they could see, and the person who would feed them.
“They don’t have souls either,” she whispered. “Why am I not like them?”
He squeezed her hand against his chest. “Because I kept it safe for you. I have kept it safe from the moment we made our first deal. Themoment I knew you were my gravesinger, I took your soul, and I placed it where no one would ever find it but me.”
He couldn’t tell her he had shattered the whole thing. He could piece it back together, although it would take a long time. But he’d needed to see every part of her. He’d wanted, in that moment, to gain control over everything she desired.
And now, he used it when he was lonely. When he was alone, he took the pieces of her that would explain her behavior, or sometimes he just watched her memories because they made him smile.
She’d lived so much happiness, and living in those moments made him feel closer to her. Even if it was wrong to do so. Even if it was a betrayal.
The door to the portrait gallery crashed to the floor, the loud bang echoing throughout the house, and some of the infected turned toward the sound—finally noticing Elric and Jessamine standing above them. Three turned to shamble toward them, like they didn’t remember how to use their legs properly.
“We should go,” Jessamine whispered.
“I need to know that you are all right. Thatweare all right.”
“This isn’t the time. I don’t want to fight any of them when I know how…”
She didn’t finish the sentence, but he knew what she was going to say. Jessamine feared killing them when she knew technically she was as soulless as they were.
“Nightmare,” he murmured, tugging her toward him even as she fought against him. “You arenotthem.”
“No, I have the help of a god who made sure I still looked somewhat passible.”
“You know that’s not what I have done.”
She freed herself from his grip, ripping away from him with an angry cry that caught the attention of quite a few others. “No! No, that’s exactly what you have done. What would I look like if you hadn’t healed all my wounds? Would they have healed themselves?”
She jerked her head back, pointing at her throat before gesturing toher other scars, silvery and writhing with his magic. All the pieces of her that he had put together after every attempt on her life.
“Don’t do this,” he muttered.
“No, I want to know! I’m dead, aren’t I? So would these injuries have healed themselves or knit back together? Or would I be oozing blood for the rest of my days, just like the creatures down there? If it weren’t for your magic keeping my soul in my body, would I be wandering in search of something that I will never find? Would I be losing pieces of myself just like them?”
