Page 18 of Color Me Broken
She combed through his damp dreads with her fingers, “yeah, and you my chaos, Jue. When you gon’ let that life go? You know you don’t have to keep doin’ that shit.”
He exhaled hard through his nose, like her question scratched something buried. Like he wanted to believe it too. That walking away was that simple.
“I will eventually. Just not ready yet, Stank. Not yet.”
Her fingers were still moving through his dreads. “Every time you leave out that door, I wonder if you comin’ back to me,” she confessed.
Juelz looked up at her, head still in her lap. “I’ll always come back to you, Tasha girl.”
“Yeah…until you don’t,” she replied while sucking her teeth.
That silence after felt like the truth. Heavy. Cold. She leaned down and kissed his forehead, then rested her chin on top of his head.
“I just want you to stop before I have to bury you or visit you in jail.”
His chest rose and fell slow. He knew Tasha was talking real shit. Deep shit. And it came from love, not spite.
“I’m tryin’, Tash,” he mumbled. “Swear I am. Just ain’t ready to let go yet. Once I get us right, like real right…I’m out.”
She didn’t say anything. Just kept holding him, like she knew the war he was fighting wasn’t just outside, but inside too.
They didn’t talk anymore after that.
When he finally drifted off, breathing even and soft against her thighs, she kissed the top of his head and slipped out of the room, heading to work.
The bright lightsof the nurse’s station buzzed like a trapped hornet, but Tasha ignored it. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, with her forehead pressed against the heel of her palm. Her lower back throbbed with a dull, persistent ache that radiated down her thighs. Every time she reached for a chart or adjusted a patient’s IV bag, she felt a sharp pinch flare in her abdomen. She kept brushing it off as cramps, but it was getting out of hand. She wanted to go back home and curl into a ball right next to Juelz, but the ER was short-handed, so she had to stay.
“Tasha, you good?” You been staring at that monitor for five minutes,” Nurse Kenya asked as she breezed past.
“Yea… yeah, just a Li’l tired,” Tasha lied, forcing a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
Nurse Kenya didn’t buy it. She stopped, arms crossed, her eyes scanning Tasha’s face. “Girl, this the second time I caught you looking like you about to pass out. You need to make an appointment to get checked out.”
Tasha nodded her head, looking off in the distance. “I’m withcha when you right, and right now, I couldn’t agree more withchu.”
Nurse Kenya’s eyes narrowed. “Do you need to call Dr. Madison up here?”
Tasha didn’t answer. She looked at her trembling hands, her fingers shaking slightly. She didn’t want to say it out loud. Tasha knew her body was betraying her. It was giving her too many signs, but she kept ignoring them. As she was on her way to the break room, the trauma alert sounded off.
CODE TRAUMA! ETA NOW! CODE TRAUMA! ETA NOW!
The paramedic came in, gurney slamming through the doors. Two teens, one bleeding out and the other one was unconscious. Everything was happening so fast, blood pooling on the floor, monitors were wailing. The scene was chaotic. Tasha moved quick, snapping gloves on as she prepared to start an IV line on one of the patients.
Nurse Lisa called out, “Blood pressure tanking… someone call Blood Bank now!”
Dr. Madison came rushing into the room of the unconscious patient, eyes assessing her as they performed CPR. “Tasha, Epi, now!”
Tasha was stuck in a zone, trying to let her own pain subside and she froze. Just a second.
Dr. Madison was beside her now, his voice sharper than before. “Tasha, push the epi. Are you okay?”
She didn’t answer. She just stared at the syringe, with her fingers trembling. Dr. Madison didn’t wait any longer. He reached and took the syringe from her hand. “Back out! Go have a seat. Now!”
She didn’t argue. She knew they were in the middle of saving someone's life, and that was the most important thing right now. So she did as he commanded. Another nurse grabbed her arm to help her sit down. “Are you okay, Tasha? What’s going on?"
“I think I need to leave. I’m not feeling too good. And I don’t want that situation to happen again, so I’m gonna go.”
The other nurse was bending down in front of Tasha, and she nodded her head. “Okay! I’ll let the team know that you’re not feeling well and had to leave. Please call us with an update. Are you good to drive, hun?”
