Page 60 of Color Me Broken
The warmth was gone. The room was dark, cold, and empty. The smell of Tasha was replaced by the stale scent of the penthouse. He was slumped on the black sectional, his neck stiff and his legs cramping. The ice pack had fallen, leaving a cold, wet puddle on the leather. His knuckles throbbed, a reminder that the restaurant fight was his only reality.
He sat up, rubbing his neck, and then he felt it. Wet. Warm.
“Man… fuck!”
Juelz looked down and saw it. His sweats were dark at the crotch and clinging to his skin. He came in his sleep off a memory, a lie that his brain fed him to feel her one more time. His dream of Tasha was too real.
“Tasha got me out here like a li’l nigga. Skeetin’ on myself and shit.Fuck!”
He stood up, peeling off his sweats, leaving him there in nothing but his boxers. His phone vibrated again. Persistent. He reached for it off the floor.
“WHAT?!”
“What the hell was that?” Tasha’s voice exploded through the speaker. “Why would you say some shit like that to me? Then to yell my business out in front of all them folks? That was fucked up.”
His grip tightened on the phone. “Aye! Why you out and shit with other niggas, Tasha?” His voice cracked with fury. “You got me fucked up, girl. You must be ready to shop for that black dress for that nigga?”
“Really…Jue, just let it go. I moved on, and I wanna see if this could lead to something you fucked up.”
Juelz was pacing the floor now, and the words hit his chest harder than he expected. Then his voice shot up, frustration bleeding out. “A’ight. That’s how you feel, T?” He scoffed, shaking his head. “Explore the nigga then. And watch what happens.”
He ended the call before she could respond, the silence that followed sounding louder than her yelling.
“Fuck!”he shouted.
He turned toward the kitchen counter, movements automatic. He reached into the drawer, pulled out what he needed, and laid it out with shaky hands. His breathing was uneven now, frustration and heartbreak tangling together until he couldn’t tell which one hurt worse.
He leaned down, eyes burning as he stared at the fine white line. He took one sharp inhale, closing his eyes. The sting hit first, a localized fire in his sinuses. Then the numbness started creeping in, slow and ugly, dulling the edges of everything hedidn’t want to feel. The anger. The jealousy. The way her voice still lived in his chest.
Juelz straightened up, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. His pupils dilated as the chemical rush finally quieted the ghost of the dream.
He knew this didn’t fix a damn thing. But for a moment, the silence was manageable. And right now, that was the only thing he knew how to chase.
“Okay now,sometimes
You find yourself in two ways
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sometimes
Your love, it feels divided
Yeah, mmm
And my answer, my answer is to pull out
Your love is like an endless sea
It won't lead me to anywhere
But I’m so confused
Through all the pain and suffering
You still wanna stay with me…”
Tasha was sitting in the dark, whimpering, her back against the cold headboard, with her knees pulled tight into her chest.She was replaying Tems'"What You Need"over and over.The only light in the room came from the cracked screen of her phone, lying on the floor. Every time it lit up with a new notification, another tag, another comment, another person watching her life fall apart in 4K, she felt a fresh wave of nausea.
When her phone started to ring, she didn’t want to pick it up. She expected it to be Juelz calling her or Niyah checking up on her. But when she sawKenji Riggsdisplayed across the screen, her heart did a painful stutter.
