Page 39 of Scarlet Wars
Hesitation flickered in my best friend’s eyes. “I can’t come there.”
My jaw clenched. “Why the hell not?”
He sighed. “It’s…complicated.”
“Sean.” My patience was wearing thin. “She’s your best friend, the woman you refer to as your sister, and she’s hurting. Badly. You know how she is… She won’t show any true emotionuntil she feels safe enough, and for now, neither James nor I can provide that safety. She needsyou.”
Sean’s demeanor softened slightly, before his hesitation made another appearance. “So ye wantme, yer second in command, to leave my post at our Collective and leave everyone here unprotected?”
I narrowed my eyes into slits. “Consider it a fucking order. The fuck is your problem, Sean? I thought you loved her.”
“Idolove her. But I… There are other things to consider.”
“Like what?”
He was starting to look like a cornered wolf. “I uhm…” he fumbled with his fingers, “I love the peoplehere, and leaving them unprotected doesn’t feel right.”
Bullshit excuse. “Then put someone else in charge. Isn’t Saoirse available?”
“Saoirse’s…otherwise engaged,” Sean muttered while averting his gaze.
“The hell does that mean?” I asked, suspicion creeping in.
He let out a defeated sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Nothing to worry about. Fine. I’ll make it work. Get my room ready.”
“I will.” I stared at him for a second. “Thank you.”
He nodded once, then cut the connection without another word.
EMMA
I still hadn’t cried since I’d crossed the Canadian border.
Not because I didn’t need to. Not because I didn’t want to. But because I didn’t have the guts to do it.
Crying would mean letting the pain in. Letting all of it in. And I was terrified once I did, it would crush me, that it would overwhelm and consume me until there was nothing left. That I’d never find a way back out of the darkness once I opened the floodgates.
So I shut down. Numbness. Blocking it out, exactly like I’d done right after it happened.
But then, out of nowhere, rage started seeping through the cracks. It wasn’t anger, it wasfury. I was furious at the people responsible for the deaths of my parents. Furious at humans for their ignorance. Furious at everyone else for simply being alive.
And I lashed out. At everyone. At all of them. In less than twenty-four hours, I’d managed to piss off every single soul I’d met. And I didn’t give a damn.
Thank the gods James and Caden had kept their distance ever since. After last night, I would’ve ripped their heads off without a second thought.
When I woke this morning, I didn’t feel an ounce of remorse for what I’d said to them. Served them right.
By noon I felt a little guilty.
By sunset, I felt guilty enough to swear I’d fix it tomorrow.
Wrapping myself in blankets, I tried to sleep. But sleep meant nightmares, and I was afraid to face them.
Ever since I stepped into this fucked-up world almost eighteen months ago, it had been nothing but trauma and nightmares. Why the hell had I ever agreed to this? I should’ve stayed human. I could’ve been a lawyer. Normal, safe. Could’ve had my parents…
Instead, I turned out to be a mass murderer. And, apparently, a terrorist too.
The room was dark, the only light filtering in from the moon as it hung low in the sky. I curled up under the covers, trying to shut everything out… The guilt, the rage, the overwhelming griefpressing down on my chest. It didn’t matter how tight I held on to the sheets; I couldn’t escape it.
