Page 83 of Sterling Touch
“Where is Bailey now?”
Cort glances over my shoulder again. “After the divorce, she had no legal claim to Josh, handing over full custody when he was still young. She had a restraining order placed on her. She wouldn’t come anywhere near Josh or myself ever again. The last place she’d visit is Sterling Falls. I don’t have any idea where she is now.”
After a heavy sigh, Cort glances back at me. His face wiped of all emotion other than weariness and drain.
“I’m sorry I never told you. It’s embarrassing.” He hitches one shoulder. “I should have told you all this the first time we met here. But I wasn’t in a good place. And I never should have taken advantage of you.”
“Is that what you think happened? That you took advantage of me?” I’m taken aback by the thought.
“Didn’t I?” His eyes peer at mine, full of contrition and fear. Apology and regret.
“I didn’t stop you. I didn’t even complain,” I remind him. I could tell him I liked it, and I did on some level, but I’ve already admitted to him that it wasn’t an equal experience. Honestly, afterward, I was too confused to give the moment deep thought, other than accept disappointment and chastise myself for putting false hope on Cort and failing at orgasms again.
“I forgive you, Cort. I forgive us.” For what happened twelve years ago in this very spot. For being impulsive and reckless,and making a decision. Right or wrong. Good or bad. We need to live with the consequences.Livebeing the key word. Something tells me Cortland Haven hasn’t been living. He’s been existing.
He’s had decades of regret and remorse, isolated and lacking in love. The suffering comes from never forgiving himself or moving on from the pain of the past. Never accepting he made a huge mistake. Or rather, accepting it and living his life anchored by it.
Cort lowers his head again, slowly nodding while watching my thumb stroke over the bee inked on his arm. The memory of me. The reminder of us. In a different time, at a different place, making a different decision.
“Everyone deserves a second chance, Cort.” At the very core of me, I believe that. “We all falter and fail and then we dust ourselves off and start over.”
Dust off the rust.That’s the Haven Hitters motto. Look beneath the tarnish for strength.Find steel underneath.
“You know, every spring, I awaken my bees. Re-assemble their hive. The first year or two, I was afraid of them.” I’d been scared to death I’d get stung. “But bees remind me it’s okay to be a little bit scared. Of change. Of new beginnings.”
That a little sting isn’t going to set me back. Big pain shouldn’t either. Hearts heal. I believe that as well, but only if we move forward.
“Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone and into something new to really live.”
Not that Cort is comfortable with his past. His mistakes are strangling him, holding him in a chokehold. He needs to let what’s behind him go and forgive himself. For Stone. For Bailey. For Josh.
“You did what you could,” I remind him. “For Josh.”
One of the most important things we can do as parents isadmit our failures and then move on, righting wrongs the only way we know how, until the next time we falter.
“But did I?” He stares at me, his eyes glistening.
“You loved him, more than anything. And that’s the greatest thing we can do for our children.” He left an abusive marriage to save his child. “You gave him a place to start over. Asecondchance. Perhaps it’s time you give yourself that chance as well.”
“I just don’t know, Vale.” His eyes are cloudy as he stares at me.
“I know,” I whisper. As a survivor of an abusive father, without protection from my mother through no fault of her own,I knowthat what Cort did was in the best interest of his child.
My knowing can cover the both of us.
With that, I step forward, tugging Cort to me and wrapping my arms around him. At first, he doesn’t respond, just lowers his head to my shoulder and presses his weight against me. But eventually, his arms loop around me and he tugs me tighter and tighter, until I almost can’t breathe.
I inhale, catching my breath on the sharp scent of balsam fir and man coming off him.
Perhaps this round,myhug is the one he hadn’t known he needed.
31
[Vale]
On Friday night, Stone is gone for the weekend. A rare escape with Emerson Milton although he refuses to talk about her or what’s going on between them. In another rare incident, I’ve allowed Hudson to spend the night at Atticus Stanton’s after speaking with Henry, who assured me he’d be home all evening.
I’m giving myself a night off.
