Page 110 of White Lights
“I doubt she wants to, after what happened.”
Rafe nods as if this might be true. “The same would go for everyone you used to know. Outside thebarbelo, angels are invisible to mortal eyes.”
“But I saw you.”
“You’re the exception.”
“What does that mean?”
Rafe raises an eyebrow. “It means I’ve never seen a mind’s eye like yours before. It’s uncannily powerful. If we stick together, Dez, we’re going to have a leg up.”
“If I ascend, it’ll be like I died to the people in my life?”
He nods. “That’s the trade-off. But I can assure you, it’s worth it.”
Dez thinks of her home, Death Valley. She can’t imagine resuming the relationships she had with anyone there after what she did to Mo. Not her mom, not Uncle Bob, not Silas. She can’t even imagine looking at herself in her bedroom mirror back home, where she used to dream of becoming a very different kind of filmmaker. One with far more creative agency.
But far less cosmic agency.
No, those old dreams died with Mo. She can’t go back.
Does it mean she’s staying … here?
A cold punch of loss hits Dez in the chest. It surprises her, and she tries to chase its source. What would she miss so much about her life before she came to Acheron that it would hit her like this now?
Asher.
It’s so pathetic she almost laughs aloud. Ridiculous to grieve someone who may not even remember her. But when she thinks of cutting ties with the life she used to have, this is the only painful hesitation. And she doesn’t know why, but it throbs.
“What if I can’t do that?” she says. “If I can’t give up my life before?”
“Any first-year student who wants out must visit Zeke before dawn,” Rafe says. “He’ll administer the Dream Expulsion, erasing whole swaths of memories from the film of the mortal mind. If that’s what you want, you can go home to your regular life tonight. Your brother will still be gone, and I can’t promise you’ll stay out of jail, but these past few weeks? Acheron? It will all feel like a quickly fading dream.”
“That’s what Alice Quinn took?”
Rafe nods.
“What about what Moriah said,” she asks, “about those fallen bodies, the fragmented …”
“Fragmented resurrections. Frags for short.”
“That night, the last time you came to my room, you told me Charles Costello was your friend. Was that a lie?”
“I’ve never lied to you, Dez,” Rafe says. “I can’t. As your mentor.” He sits down heavily on the edge of her bed. “Charles was my friend in the way all your subjects will become your friends. If you stay.”
“You were working on his film?”
He nods.
“Moriah said the frags were in Acheron’s care. Where are they?”
“There’s a river up the mountain, behind Villains. A river so deep you can dive into it. We’re holding them under a bank of frozen water. The ice keeps them more comfortable. It’s not permanent, only until we find a solution.”
“Will you show me?”
He turns to look at her. “Will you stay?”
“I don’t know.”
