Page 42 of The PTA President
“Stop!” I tease, throwing a noodle at her face. Nat’s outfits couldn’t be more opposite than what I’m used to, but I love her individuality and the way she doesn’t care at all what people think of her. It’s so refreshing to see her walk through life unbothered by the judgments around them. Hopefully, some of it rubs off on mesoon.
I swear, the longer I spend here alone, the lonelier I feel. Looking around, everything looks the same, but nothing feels the same at all. This home once held a new family, a couple who navigated marriage’s ups and downs together. Two gorgeous baby girls learned to crawl through our massive living room and tumbled around aimlessly as toddlers. They filled the school years with science projects and book reports. Before I knew it, they were in middle school, and my house carried the voices of pop stars and celebrities.
The pictures and couches remain, but the family I once knew is gone. My girls are older and rarely chase each other unless someone stole the other's new top. I never took inventory of my day-to-day until Nat started pointing out how ‘so-called boring’ my life is. I guess she's right. There’s no boo-boos to kiss better, no spilled milk to clean up… unless Nat’s been cooking. Rarely is there an incident that requires my immediate attention anymore.
While I busied myself with charity functions, fundraisers, and shopping, I never really stopped to examine my new life as a divorcee.
Candace: How was Thanksgiving? Was it nice to be back home?
Nat: It was alright. Good to be home yes….but I had to answer a lot of questions that I wasn’t in the mood for.
Candace: Sounds like we had a similar night.
Nat: Did Court go easy or did she grill you like a Disney princess villain?
Candace: Not QUITE a Disney villain, but she definitely spoke her mind. She left me in a bit of a sour mood
Nat: I’ll cut a bitch…I swear I will
Candace: No need to cut anybody. Tell me about your night.
Nat: Currently I’m hiding away from the prying eyes and missing you like fucking crazy. When did you turn me into such a needy bitch I can’t even spend a night away from you. I’ll probably have the worst sleep of my life
Candace: Been there. The first night you slept over was the first time in a year I didn’t have to take a pill to sleep. Sleeping hasn’t been the same since.
Nat: Aww she’s a closested pill head, how cute. I love being your medication baby. ;)
ChaptEr 30
Natalie
The drive back home takes years off my life. Megan stockpiled the car with energy drinks and sour candy, hoping I’d cave and spill more about Candace. Italmostworked, except for the part where she questioned my sanity and joined forces with the parentals.
“Dude. All I’m saying is pump the brakes.” She swerves through traffic like she’s in a video game.
“Meg, you’re an angel baby sent from heaven, but I can’t keep repeating myself. If you’re set on asking these mind-numbing questions, I’ll be forced to open this door and roll home. Or, better yet, hitchhike with a trucker.” My eyes glazed over hours ago, and I’m barely even conscious as she yammers on.
“Calm your tits, you're so freaking defensive all the time. Let's put this in terms you’ll understand. You’re moving at warp speed, while Candace is still on her first lap of the lazy river.” Hertone is much more mellow than at dinner, when she came at me guns blazing.
“You don’t know that, you’re not the third member in this relationship,” I snap, not meaning to get riled up in a confined space.
“I don’t have to be. Iknowyou. You’re skipping so many crucial steps and disregarding the fact she’s been married and hasn’teverexperimented on the isle of ladies.” She pauses for a moment, letting the cars passing by be our interlude. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m psyched that you’re happy and feel like you’ve found the one. It’s seriously rad that you guys found each other, how and when you did. You’ve got to be careful with this one. If you’re serious about waiting as long as it takes, then wait. Don’t jump into the deep end until you know for a fact there’s not a shark waiting at the bottom.”
“Now who sounds ridiculous?” I joke, hoping to lighten the mood.
“I’ve said my piece, but I just want to remind you we’ve been down this road before. If Candace can’t see who she's got right in front of her, then that’s her loss. You’re one in a million, and anyone with a vagina would be lucky to have you. It’s not the end of the world if this one isn’ttheone,” she says lovingly, which would feel good, except it’s Megan, she talks like this to the raccoon that hangs outside our building.
Taking a beat, I let her words sink. “I don’t know, man. It feels like it’d be the end ofmyworld if she didn’t want me.”
“How about you control the radio from here on out, anything except The Used. I swear if I hear that album one more time, I’m swerving into oncoming traffic.” Megan’s retention for deep conversations isn’t long. She’s got a few good zingers in her before she can’t take it anymore.
“Underoath it is then, bitch. Let’s haul ass, I’ve got some lady loving to get back to.” Whipping out my CD case, I find the album and replace it with our road trip mix.
Four days away feels like an eternity when you’re in a new relationship with someone whose family is constantly impeding your happiness. My phone was pretty silent on my way back, but I’m chalking it up to Candace being distracted now that the girls are back from their dads, and definitelynotmaking up scenarios that her dad had her kidnapped and is brainwashing her into thinking I’m some kind of evil overlord.
“Why the fuck does our house smell ten times worse coming home from vacation? We weren’t even here. Is this just the natural odor? Cuz we need help if it is,” I shout, bursting through the door to unload all my shit at super speed.
“Smells like that raccoon barfed and died, then came back to life just to eat the shit he barfed and die all over again,” Megan yells, plugging her nose as she closes the door behind us.
