Page 135 of Hit or Miss
‘When I got here, all I wanted to do was pretend the accident never happened.’ Ethan’s hand inches along the bench until his little finger is touching my thigh, just barely, so light I shouldn’t be able to feel it through my jeans but I can. I could feel him through a brick wall, I know it.
‘I convinced myself if I pushed it down, I could forget all about it and be regular old Ethan, same guy I was before it all went wrong. It worked for a while, but the truth is, I don’t want to be that guy anymore. I like the person I am now more than I liked the person I was at Marshall. I like doing well in my classes, I like this team, I like all the people I’ve met here. Almost all the people.’
His body shifts, angling more towards me.
‘Most importantly, I like who I am when I’m with you.’
Inside the warm cocoon of his jacket, something I’d been holding back blossoms.
‘I didn’t know this version of me existed,’ Ethan adds. ‘I thought my life was over when I took the blame for the accident but now I can’t help but think maybe I had to lose everything I thought I wanted to find out what I really need. And that’s you.’
A couple walks by the bench, a small smile, an almost nod, and I wait until they’re gone before I speak.
‘I was so miserable back at Marshall. Before Marshall,’ I say and my breath appears in front of me as I speak, a pale puff of white. ‘I thought the only way I could ever be happy was to become someone new and when I got accepted into Hemden, that was my chance. I tried so hard to become the version of myself I’d dreamed about. Threw myself into the job at Members, spent more time with my friends than at the library. Avoided you like the plague.’ I laugh but he doesn’t. His hand doesn’t move though. ‘And even though I’d been working on this plan for years, it fell apart within weeks. My grades slipped, I hated working in the bar and, I don’t know, maybe I made some bad romantic choices—’
That gets an under the breath scoff and I allow it.
‘All because I was trying to be someone I’m not.’
My hand slips out from the sleeve of his jacket, silver braceletglinting in the lamplight and the slightest suggestion of a scar slicing along my palm from the night I broke all the bottles in Members.
‘And maybe I would’ve carried on trying if not for the strangest thing of all.’
‘What was that?’
I place my hand over his.
‘You.’
One corner of his mouth pulls upwards.
‘You’re calling me strange?’
‘Complimentary,’ I insist. ‘I cast you as the villain because I assumed you thought I was a loser, just like everyone else at Marshall. Now I can see how sometimes we blame the wrong people for the bad things we believe about ourselves.’
‘I never thought you were a loser,’ Ethan replies. ‘Mean, yes but a loser? Not even.’
‘And you weren’t who I thought you were at all,’ I tell him. ‘The more time we spent together, the more obvious that became. But if I admitted I was wrong about you, I had to admit I was wrong about other things, myself included. That’s never easy.’
‘You never needed to change, Mia, you just needed to see the truth about yourself.’ Ethan turns his hand over so that our palms touch, his much warmer than mine even though I’m wearing his jacket and he’s the one with bare arms. ‘I wish I’d known you before. I think I would’ve been happier. I think we both would.’
‘Can you believe we had to travel four thousand miles to figure this out?’ I say as his fingers lace through mine and hold on to my hand so tightly, like he’ll never let go. ‘Everything I ever wanted was right there in front of me the whole time.’
‘And everything I ever needed.’
He brushes my hair back from my face and now I’m trembling,struggling to get my words out but desperate to say them at the same time.
‘This has never happened to me before so I’m not one hundred per cent sure but I have read a lot of books on the subject,’ I whisper, marvelling at him, this brave, selfless, insanely beautiful man in front of me. ‘I think I might be falling in love with you.’
‘That’s funny,’ he replies, green eyes dancing. ‘I might not have read nearly as many books as you but I have seen a lot of movies, and I’m pretty certain. I am so in love with you.’
We draw in closer, both of us moving perfectly in sync, and I close my eyes as his lips meet mine. I feel everything I ever wanted to feel, safe, secure, seen. I feel loved.
I’ve been waiting my whole life for this exact moment and now I’m finally here, right where I belong.
This is where I was always meant to be.
