Page 36 of The Wives of Murder Club
LEO:Welcome back, Fundies!
CLAUDIA:What a week! I’m not even going to attempt a recap of where we’re at in this case for the new listeners. Who are you psychos starting a podcast halfway through a season? Go back and listen to the earlier episodes! I’m diving right in. Shall I hit the highlights?
LEO:I wish you would!
CLAUDIA:First and foremost: They got Imogen! There was an Interpol Red Notice out for her arrest, and they found her earlier this week on the island of Saint Kitts. I have so much to say about that, but we’ve also got an update on everyone’s favourite topic: the hand! I think we’ll get the hand thing out of the way before getting into the international intrigue.
LEO:I know you’re dying to talk about the hand.
CLAUDIA:Yeah, it was my entire personality for a while. When I couldn’t sleep, I was going down Reddit holes on the science of decomposition, corpses found in water... I know, I know, I have issues.
LEO:Let she among us who hasn’t researched the decomposition rate of human flesh cast the first stone with her still-attached hand.
CLAUDIA:In an earlier episode, we reported that a human hand had been found in Massassauga Lake. With the discovery of the hand, there was some speculation that perhaps Imogen faked her own death in order to make a clean getaway. This was fuelled by the fact that the hand was sporting a distinctive cocktail ring which Mark Janssen identified as belonging to his missing wife. It was all very reminiscent of the Melissa Caddick story out of Australia—-except in that case it was a severed foot.
LEO:I loved the coverage of that story on theLiar Liarpodcast!
CLAUDIA:Same! Anyways, I always thought the idea that Imogen would disfigure herself,dismemberherself, was total insanity, and I’m so glad to have been proven correct. DNA testing has confirmed that the hand belongs to missing kayaker and former ITFF employee Celeste Sarkassian.
LEO:Here’s a science fact I didn’t know before today: Apparently, it’s not uncommon for hands to detach from a corpse that is decomposing in the water because the muscles attaching them to the arms are not that strong. Who knew?
CLAUDIA:Me! I knew! I told you, I’ve been researching this kind of stuff non-stop. It feels pretty icky to be celebrating, though, so I should probably shut up about it.
LEO:You’re not the only one who’s been into this topic. Public interest in Imogen Garron, the ITFF, and the Murder Mamas has been dominating the internet. I can’t open TikTok without seeing the latest fan musings on all aspects of this sprawling case. I don’t think I’ve seen this kind of hype since the Murdaugh murders. Hey, if we got entangled in a splashy crime, what do you think they’d call us? The Dirty Duo? The Filthy Fundies?
CLAUDIA:Honestly, I think we’d most likely be the victims... we’re not cool enough to be perp coded. But enough about us, let’s talk about the real news.
LEO:The Red Notice! The arrest! Interpol! I feel sexy just saying the word.Interpol.Like, hello? James Bond here. You canintermypolanyti—- Sorry, sorry, Claudia is giving me a look.
CLAUDIA:For those of you who aren’t as up to date on international law enforcement lingo, a Red Notice, according to Interpol’s website, is “a request to law enforcement worldwide to locate and provisionally arrest a person pending extradition, surrender or similar legal action.” Apparently, it’s not an international arrest warrant, which is what I thought it was before, but it’s still, like, super serious. I had no idea they published that shit online for anyone to see! Did you know you can go to Interpol’s website and see all the Red Notices? There’s thousands of them.
LEO:Wild. Anyways, as Claudia mentioned, Imogen was apprehended a few days ago in a special joint operation on the island of Saint Kitts. Serious question: What do you call the people from Saint Kitts? Kittens? Holy Cats?
CLAUDIA:They’re Kittitians—-some of us are professionals and actually looked it up. Saint Kitts and Nevis is a tropical country I’m very well acquainted with—-unfortunately, not on a personal level, God knows I’d love to visit—-due to our coverage of the shadow bank investigated by the CRA in 2021. I’m talking hundreds of millions in client funds that were hidden away. After this episode, go back and listen to Season One of the pod if you haven’t already! Basically, it’s the perfect spot for shady rich people to stash their cash.
LEO:A money launderer’s paradise. So the fact that Imogen Garron wasthere... I mean, come on. Red flag city. Even more thrilling, we are weaving in the involvement of one of the Murder Mamas. Imogen apparently contacted her old friend Marta Hebard—-she of the missing husband—-and arranged to meet up with her on the island.
CLAUDIA:FYI, if you ever commit a massive financial scam and then try to hit me up to help you get away with it, the answer is going to be a big fat nope.
LEO:Well yeah, because the question will be: Why didn’t I cut you in from the start? But Marta! A devious queen.
CLAUDIA:The arrest was the result of an interjurisdictional operation and involved advanced planning and co-ordination between governments—-but it sounds like it would not have been possible without this absolutely stunning friendship betrayal. Love it. SoThe Traitorsof her. OMG, consider this my pitch to cast Marta on the next season. But seriously, we have to highlight how significant this is for the financial side of things. With Imogen missing, the chances of her victims having any of their investment funds restored to them were slim to none. However, with Imogen now in custody, I would imagine that she’ll be looking to use any and all bargaining chips available to her, and this could very well lead to her giving the authorities access to hidden—-and otherwise untraceable—-offshore accounts and/or cryptocurrency.
LEO:Totally. A court-appointed liquidator would have been able to recover some funds by auctioning off her real estate and personal goods, but we’ve learned that Imogen’s house was encumbered with a significant mortgage, and that more than half the “designer” bags, clothes, and jewellery that were seized turned out to be high-end fakes. Her unlucky investors would only have seen a fraction of their money back.
CLAUDIA:Imogen has been extradited to face a slew of criminal charges related to the alleged Ponzi scheme she ran for years under the guise of the Inherit the Future Fund. We’ve got some great interviews planned for the rest of the season, and it is so satisfying knowing that this isn’t going to end up as a big unsolved mystery.
LEO:Speaking of mysteries, what I’d like to know is: Who was the last person to see Celeste Sarkassian alive? If it was Imogen, then I think there could be more to that story. Same goes for the disappearance of Derrick Williams—-where was Imogen when he went missing? Who knows what that monster’s capable of?
CLAUDIA:Alleged monster! I swear to God, Leo, there will be no more fun inFilthy Fundsif we get sued because of your unhinged remarks.
45
MARTA
Imogen’s house loomed heavy against the sky, vaguely sinister in the falling dark. Marta stood under a maple tree across the street, staring at the empty shell, thinking about the number of times she’d been greeted with a warm hug at the front door. There were no media out front anymore (the circus had moved to the courthouse), but evidence of their earlier presence lingered: Cigarette butts and stray coffee sleeves scattered the unkempt lawn—the droppings of predatory beasts. She wondered what would happen to the property, which she now knew Imogen had purchased with other people’s money, including her own. Marta was still processing the fact that she’d subsidized Imogen’s lavish lifestyle, all while Imogen knew thatshe was struggling to make her mortgage payments. Marta had already decided she’d be in the courtroom every day to watch the trial, and she hoped Imogen spent the rest of her life in prison.
Marta applied a thick coat of lip balm, inhaling the scent of her pomegranate Burt’s Bees to re-centre herself. Her lips were sunburnt from her brief sojourn on Saint Kitts and had been perma-chapped since she got home. Another nervous swipe of lip balm—her mouth was too sticky now, so she wiped a smear from her lips with the back of her hand—and a quick check to make sure her dangly book earrings were still secure and hadn’t hooked themselves on the loops of her hand-knit scarf—andstop stalling. Marta shook her head and marched herself across the street to Bernie’s front door. This was the first time she’d ever been to Bernie’s house without the company of Imogen and Celeste. This was also the first time she’d be seeing Bernie since Venom Lake. She rang the bell and swallowed hard, trying to will her heart to stop racing—a potent combination of social anxiety and one too many Americanos earlier that afternoon.
