Page 87 of Romantic Hero
But when the door opens, the person who enters the flat is not just River. It is a rather sozzled-looking River accompanied by …Aled the Librarian?
‘Look away!’ I scream as Aled catches sight of me on the floor and turns bright red. ‘I’m indecent, look away, Aled!’
Aled immediately turns to face the wall. ‘Gosh,’ he says quietly, shoving his hands into his pockets. ‘Gosh.’
‘What the sweet hell you up to down there?’ River mumbles, dropping the Sainsbury’s bag he’s holding, stomping over to where I’m stranded, lifting me up and wonkily laying me back onto the bed, where I immediately cover myself with the duvet and two cushions – a sort of modesty pillow fort.
‘Are youdrunk?’ I eyeball River. I’ve seen this man neck enormous amounts of whisky and beer and not once appear as inebriated as he does right now.
‘That would be my fault,’ Aled admits in his warm Yorkshire burr, turning around from the wall to throw me an apologetic grimace. ‘River came to the library as I was finishing up. Seemed quite down in the doldrums so I thought I’d take him for a pint. Which turned into, well, multiple pints.’
‘What on earth has he been drinking?’ I ask. River vaguely indicates that Aled should take a seat, before picking up his Sainsbury’s bag and staggering over to the kitchen with it.
‘Guinness,’ Alex says contritely. ‘Four pints of Guinness.’
River turns around, eyes bright. ‘Have you tried Guinness, Owl? It is a magical elixir. Like … like a velvety beer milkshake.’
‘And then we started chatting to a bunch of physics students who introduced him to, er, Aftershock shots.’
‘Oh God.’ I cover my mouth. I haven’t done an Aftershock shot since I was nineteen years old. They arelethal.
River fishes into his bag and pulls out a box of Auntie’s Delicious Spotted Dick.
‘Yeah,’ Aled winces. ‘After the second one he started asking everyone to find him a portal? Some of the physics students were happy to engage in the discussion, but when River said he was looking for a way to get back to his own dimension I thought, well, this man is pickled and it might be best to see him home.’
‘Wow,’ I breathe, feigning ignorance as to why River might be spouting such nonsense … ‘Yikes. Well, thank you, Aled. That was kind of you to see him home.’
‘It’s sort of my thing,’ he tells me with a twinkle in his eyes. ‘Local pisshead delivery service. I wasn’t going to come all the way in, but River very kindly—’
‘I invited Aled in for dessert,’ River reveals, taking the two puddings out of the microwave and tipping them messily into a couple of bowls.
‘And I accepted because Iama little peckish, to be honest with you.’ Aled takes the steaming bowl from River, tucking into the dessert with gumption.
River plops heavily down onto the armchair, the weight of him making the floor shudder a little. He glances around the room, golden brows furrowed, eyes unfocused. ‘Where’s Squish? Where’s my good boy?’
‘He’s at home with Mrs Casablancas tonight, remember, River?’ I lower my voice to Aled. ‘Jesus. How many Aftershocks was it?’
Aled bites his lip. ‘I lost count after three.’
‘I miss Squish,’ River grumbles, spooning the pudding into his mouth like he’s not eaten for days. ‘I think I might even love him. You hear that, Gertie?’ he says, leaning forward in the chair. ‘I might love a CHUG.’ He buries his face in his hands. ‘Chug ain’t even a real dog breed!’
‘My wife Frida wants a Pomapoo,’ Aled chimes in. ‘A Pomeranian crossed with a poodle!’
River stands up suddenly, zigzagging over to the kitchen and dropping his empty bowl into the sink. Then he collects Aled’s bowl – which he’s still eating from – and dumps that in the sink too.
On his wobbly journey back to the armchair he catches sight of himself in the mirror and stops to stare into it, nose pressed right up against the glass. ‘Who am I?’ he mutters mournfully. ‘I no longer recognise myself.’ Then he turns to me. ‘You see, Gertie, this is why my mom always told me to stay tough and guard my heart. You let someone in for barely a lick of time and they change you. One momentyou’re the toughest man in town. A man living a simple life. A true, hardworking simple life. Does it set your heart aflame? No. But it’sgood enoughand that’s as lucky as any man can ask for. And then BAM! Next moment you love a Chug dog, you’re wearing a sparkling Stetson, you’re eating custard creams and dick, and you’re making best friends with a librarian.’
Aled pops a finger into the air. ‘That’s a very kind offer of best friendship, River, but I already have two best friends. I will, however, see what they think about adding another to the cohort.’
‘I’ve been … I’ve beendomesticated,’ River cries, flinging his arms wide as he moves around the room, getting into his stride. ‘I am literally,literally, mind you, all hat and no cattle. And what’s worse … I … Ilikeit. I’ve got no chance back in Bedlam. I’ll be laughed out of town for being a sap.’ He spins dramatically to face Aled. ‘Promise me, Aled, if we never see each other again, promise me, buddy, you will always protect your heart.’
‘Oh, I will,’ Aled answers politely. ‘I play squash every week and I’m quite mindful of my cholesterol, the odd spotted dick aside. It’s all about balance, you see.’
River narrows his eyes at me before yawning a huge, loud yawn that echoes around the room. ‘And you, Gertie? You better believe that I, River Maverick Oakley, will be sleeping beneath the stars this evening.’
‘Maverick?’ I yell gleefully, pressing a hand over my mouth quickly because River is clearly very drunk and very emotional. And to be fair to him, he’s done well to havelasted this long without having a total meltdown, all things considered.
‘Yeah,’ he says, looking me right in the eye and swaying a little to the left, a defiant expression on his face. ‘Maverick.’
