Page 64 of Romantic Hero
Then, as if sensing it, he spins around and catches me staring. ‘You’re looking at me weird,’ he says, drying the mugs and slotting them back into the cupboard. ‘You doin’ all right? You good with today’s plan?’
‘Oh! Uh, yes!’ I say, but it comes out as more of a yell. ‘Definitely, haha.’
River’s brows snap together. ‘You sure?’
Argh.
Now that I’ve admitted it to myself it’s like a siren wailing in my mind.
Gertie Bickerstaff has a crush on River Oakley! An honest to God crush! I’ve only ever had one full-blown crush before and that was on my nana’s ornamental bust of Michaelangelo’sDavid.
Fuck. I feel suddenly crazy, my face going all hot and sweaty like I just walked into a steam room.
I give myself another mental shake. Actively fancying River is nothing more than an exercise in endangering my own dignity. He made it quite clear yesterday that he regretted our kiss when he ran away into the bathroom right afterwards. Plus we – I – should be focusing on the much, much bigger, more serious things at stake. Finishing the book series I’ve been immersed in for years, the book I am under contract to deliver and, most of all, the book that will help River return home. Where he is clearly absolutely desperate to be. Where hebelongs.
Grimacing at the realisation that there is in fact an entirely new way for me to lose my mind, I waddle backwards to the bathroom and slam the door behind me, leaning my forehead against the cool white tiles while I try to catch my breath.
‘Be sensible,’ I say firmly, turning towards the mirror and giving myself a hard stare. ‘Eliminate these thoughts from your mind right now, Gertie Bickerstaff. Thinking this way is not helpful for anyone. Get a grip on yourself.’
I splash some cold water on my face and try once moreto focus. To not act like a giddy teenager, mooning over a pop star she will never get to marry.
From the other side of the bathroom wall, I hear River amiably ask Squish to ‘respect his boundaries’. I stifle a laugh, my heart melting completely.
Oh fuck.
Yeah, this is not going to be easy.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Once Mrs Casablancas – twinkly-eyed after a successful night of ‘sowing overnight oats’ with her date Desmond – comes to collect Squish, River and I drive to Hampstead Heath.
‘Okay, so today’s “Eliminate Gertie’s Writer’s Block” task islearn something new and have fun learning it,’ River confirms as we navigate the brambly paths of the Heath, the midday sun blazing down on us. ‘Nowwill you tell me what you’re planning on learning here at the park? Wait, is that a lake?’
‘It’s not just a park. And that “lake” is actually one of three open swimming ponds at Hampstead Heath. I, uh, I have a confession, River.’ I lift up the tote bag I’m carrying. ‘This bag is not filled with lunch and snacks like I told you it was. I lied. It’s filled with towels and swimming costumes.’
‘Swimming costumes?’ River’s nostrils flare. ‘Why, Gertie?’
I throw him a hopeful look. ‘When I nipped to Sainsbury’s for eggs earlier, I saw that they had swimming shorts for sale. And it gave me an idea. I can teach you how to swim!’
His face pales. ‘No fucking way.’ He turns around andstarts walking back in the direction of the car park. I chase after him.
‘I got you proper shorts. The right size, I think, in a nice plain navy blue. Not speedos or tropical print or anything. Come on! Let’s swim! We’ll “have fun learning it!”’
River spins around. ‘“Learn something new and have fun learning it” was supposed to be for you. The books said it would redirect your neuronal activity and potentially help with your block. Teaching me to swim ismelearning something new, and I don’t want to.’
‘Well, I’ve never taught anyone to swim before?’ I try. ‘So it would technically be a new thing for me.’
River peers over towards the mixed bathing pond, broad shoulders set rigid.
‘I will not,’ he declares. ‘Not in front of all those people. I’ll look ridiculous. Nope. Not doing it. Sorry, Gertie. No way. I’d rather be beaten with a sack of wet catfish. You shouldn’t have arranged this without telling me first.’
‘Okay,’ I say gently, realising with a churning stomach that I’ve completely overstepped. ‘That’s all right. I thought it would be fun, but I was wrong. Don’t worry. We’ll think of something else!’
River stands stock-still and examines his feet. ‘Why the hell did you want to teach me to swim anyhow?’
I shrug, exhaling through my nose. ‘I suppose I wanted you to go home knowing that this whole shit-show had been more than a colossal waste of your time. I thought that when you finally learned how to swim, you might see how fun it is.’ I soften my voice. ‘How just because we’ve spent ourwhole lives believing something about ourselves, it doesn’t mean it’s the truth.’
River’s jaws flexes.
