Page 30 of The Love of My Afterlife
“I don’t get it. The Franklin Bellamy Clause?”
Merritt blows the air out through her cheeks. “Okay. So technically the clause is supposed to be used for something very important. Like saving lives, or preventing disaster. I kind of sort of maybe slightly fudged it so that you could come here for my entertainment. I mean, ordinarily I’m not allowed to communicate with people on Earth under any circumstances. But I’ve been so very bored lately and, as I told you, my direct bosses are on vacation and you’re such a mess and it was funny and romantic like a juicy Sophie Kinsella novel and—”
“Oi! I’m not a mess! That’s a horrid thing to say.”
“Not, like, physically, Delphie. You’re hella cute. But emotionally? YIKES. Come on.Quelle horreur. You can’t see it? It’s exactly the kind of narrative arc I go nuts for. Total fish out of water. I can’t believe you don’t see that.”
I fold my arms. “No. I don’t.”
“Hm. The point is, the Higher-Ups absolutely cannot find out about any of this because…” She trails off, her eyes widening in what looks to be genuine fear.
“What?”
“They’ll fire me for sure. If that happens, Eternity 4U willnever get off the ground, and it has so much potential. And then there’s you…”
“WHAT ABOUT ME?”
“If they find out and Jonahdoesn’tplant his lips on yours, well, they might not let you back in.”
“To Evermore?”
“Yep.”
“So? Where would I go?”
Merritt shrugs. “Who the fuck knows? They keep that shit under lock and key. But I have heard rumours of a place called Nevermore. Apparently acoustic song circles and making their own pea hummus are a big thing over there. Word on the street is that it’s a completely screen-free environment too. Not even televisions.”
“That sounds terrible.”
“I know. And I heard Eric once mention a place called Clevermore, where they communicate entirely in Ancient Greek and sit exams for fun.”
“My god.”
“And for all I know, those might be the best-case scenarios.So, the point is that I will no longer be in touch as much, and frankly, the quicker you can get things going with Jonah the better. That way I can cut contact and we’ll be in the clear.”
I shake my head. “Is Jonah even my soulmate, or did you lie about that too, just to have me put on some sort of show because you were bored at work?”
“Oh, he totally is!” Merritt says, breezily waving my question away. “So you really do need to get on with it.”
Totallymy soulmate. My stomach warms at the thought. A person completelymeantfor me.
“Wait…” I say. “Are you still going to take away a day because I didn’t sing ‘All That Jazz’?”
Merritt shakes her head. “I did consider it, but then I figured you tried, at least. And, you know, trying to do the scary thing is almost as good as actually doing the scary thing. But I’d appreciate it if you tried to hurry things along as much as you can.”
“I’m seeing Jonah tomorrow night. At the life-drawing class.”
She wiggles her eyebrows. “Yeaaah you are. Hey, maybe you could take the braids out? You have such gorgeous red hair. Let it be free! The braids are so severe on you. Trunchbull meets Russian ballerina dancing through the pain.Très rigide.”
I tut. “You were saying you shouldn’t even be here?”
“Yes! Right.” Merritt claps her hands together. “I’ll be in touch when I can, and in the meantime good luck with Jonah. And seriously, doll. Think about the braids. You need him to want to kiss you as soon as possible or…”
She does a horrifying throat-cutting motion before turning into an iridescent shimmer and then popping into nothing.
16
I call up the GP’s surgery and the London Home Team, both of whom seem reluctant to engage with me because I’m not a family member of Mr. Yoon. I consider going round to his flat and asking him to sign a declaration or registering me as a point of contact and dropping it off at both offices. But then I remember:
