Page 3 of Big Sexy Love
‘Um…’
I go to protest, but she’s right. My job doesn’t take a whole lot of thinking. Mega knife skills, extensive crab knowledge, expert de-scaling abilities? Absoutely. But brain-frying levels of thinking? Notsomuch.
‘Well,’ Donna continues. ‘I suppose when my candle venture takes off things will get better. You wouldn’tbelievehow hard it is, Olive, doing a corporate job when your soul is as deeply artisticasmine.’
‘Mmhhmm!’ I say, sitting down at the table and nibbling at one of the breadsticks that have been laid out in a shabbychicjar.
‘Napkins!’ Donna says with a smile. ‘Don’t forget the napkins,Olive.’
Alex and I never used napkins before Donna moved in last year. If we were eating messy food, we’d use a bit of kitchen towel or, sometimes in a pinch, toilet roll. But Donna insists on actual cloth napkins, which she starches and irons andeverything.
‘What’s up, guys!’ Alex strides into the kitchen, setting down his briefcase by the tumble dryer and heading over to give Donna a kiss on the cheek. His gentle round face is pink-cheeked and beaming, his usually neat auburn hair a little sweaty at the front. ‘Big Bang Theory night! Ican’twait!’
‘Me too!’ Donna says, clapping her hands together so that a cloud of flour poofs up around her. Her face breaks into a genuinely excited smile. ‘Bazinga!’
‘Bazinga!’Alexadds.
The pair of them turn to meexpectantly.
‘Bazinga,’ I say with a smile that attempts to be as psyched astheirs.
‘Oh, Sheldon,’ Donna laughs, shaking her head as if she’s recalling a fond personal memory. ‘What a stand-outcharacter!’
‘We’re living in a golden age of sitcoms, for sure!’ Alex adds, loosening his tie and grabbing a bottle of beer from thefridge.
I lay out the napkins on the table and wonder how many more episodes ofThe Big Bang Theorythere will be until the season ends and we can finally watch a newboxset.
* * *
‘The great thingabout this business idea is that some candles have inspirational quotes on them and some are scented. But mine? Mine will be inspirational…andscented!’
‘It’s going to be great!’ Alex says, finishing the last mouthfuls of his lasagna and patting his gently rounded tummy in satisfaction. ‘Have you thought of any more quotes youcanuse?’
Donna nods, using her napkin to dab neatly at the corners of her mouth. ‘I actually wrote some myself.’ She takes a deep breath. ‘Your love burns like a flame!’ she announces triumphantly. ‘Isn’t it trèsromantic?’
I snort over my water glass until I realise that she’s not joking. She’s serious.Your love burns like a flame?That’s not romantic. That’sanSTD.
‘I like it!’ Alex says tactfully, ever the people pleaser. ‘We should come up with a bunch more over the weekend, darling. And did you get your final list of scentsdecided?’
‘I’ve got lemon, of course, and vanilla and freshly cut grass.’ Donna counts off on her fingers. ‘I can’t decide on the last two though… Maybe lavender for a candle that says “Dream, Sleep, Love, Live”. Or maybe a rose-scented one for my “Live every moment of yourlife!”one.’
‘What do you think, Olive?’ Alex asks, sweetly bringing me in to the conversation. Even he can see Donna’s tendency to completely overtake all dinner chat. I wonder if he’s ever brought it up with her? Hmm. Probably not. Alex likes an easy life and criticising Donna in any way would likely bring him a world ofhassle.
I shrug. ‘Why don’t you do one or two wildcard scents?’ I say. ‘Like maybe a candle scent that no one has ever come up with before? Like… your high school crush’s leather jacket? Or the cold side of the pillow? Or maybe even long grass instead of freshly cut grass? So many candles are freshly cut grass. But long grass smells delicious! Especially if there are daisies in there. Long grass is sounderrated.’
Now it’s Donna’s turn to snort… ‘A leather jacket candle? Thanks for your input, Olive, but I thinkI’llpass.’
Before I can say anything else Donna turns back to Alex and launches into a speech about different types of wax moulds, which I can already tell is going to be long and extra detailed. At that point I decide to make my excuses and take offtobed.
‘But… It’sThe Big Bang Theoryin twenty minutes!’ Alexpointsout.
‘It’s cool, I’ll catch uptomorrow!’
‘If Olive wants to miss out on Sheldon’s hilarious antics, that’s her choice,’ Donna says, patting Alex on theshoulder.
‘Are you sure?’ Alex asks me as I back away towards thestairs.
‘Definitely! I need an early night anyway. I’m visiting Birdietomorrow.’
