Page 102 of Fallen to Thievery
What did I expect? It couldn’t live on without a soul.
My body doubled over in agony at the loss. My knees hit the ground and my stomach emptied all over the floor.
I was lucky to have my hands handcuffed to the table, I thought to myself. Or I would’ve fallen in my own vomit. At least I still had that tiny speck of dignity left.
There were hands on me. I tried to see past the humming in my head, but I was lost.
He left me. He locked me in that vault and left me.
“I love you, Ava.”The memory of us on our bed flooded my senses.
I felt the brush of Grayson’s lips again. Or was it air finally moving into my lungs?
“I’m sorry, Ava. I’m so sorry, baby.”
I howled my agony as someone restrained me, rocked me.
Istaredoutthebarred window, likeheused to do at the cabin. I hugged the blanket tighter. It wasn’t prison, but I was still a prisoner—in this mental facility and in my mind.
It’d been a whole week sincehehad left me, but I was still as lost as that day. I refused to think about any of it. I refused to feel any of it.
My parents and Rachel had come for me the first day Agent Becket had brought me here. But I had refused to see anyone again. The looks on their faces only reminded me of what I’d lost. Agent Becket, I couldn’t keep away. He came around every day, still holding out hope that I would turn onthem. But he never dared mention any of it. I must have scared the shit out of him in that interrogation room. So he talked about the weather, and the news and pretended not to notice how sickly I looked. Another reason why I didn’t want my parents around.
I hated Becket’s visits, but I said nothing. It was thanks to him that my ass wasn’t in a prison cell. It was thanks to him that I’ve had a week of peace to lose my mind in. I had no idea how long his patience with me would last, so I kept my hate inside.
And it wasn’t just him I hated. I hated the way the orderlies spoke to me with too much cheer in their voices. I hated the psychiatrist for trying toget me to talk about it. I hated how they forced me to leave my room for an hour every day. And I hated the sad excuse of a plant they’d brought into my room after speaking to my parents.
I hadn’t watered it. I was determined to watch it die with me.
My door swung open. “Well, well. What a surprise! You’re still standing right where I left you last night,” the orderly joked sarcastically. This girl was my least favourite of them all. She was even more jovial than the rest of them. And she reminded me of…
I clutched the blanket tighter, my knuckles going white.
“Will you try to eat again today? I hate hooking you up to those tubes. They’renotyour colour, girl.”
I nodded to get her off my back. It would just come right back out. Maybe if I puked it all over her, she’ll stop asking.
“It’s time to see Doctor Aspen. She’s waiting for you.”
It didn’t help to refuse. Either I go to her, or she comes to my room and stays a little longer. So, I wandered listlessly through the corridors until I stood outside her door.
I walked in and plopped onto her couch. I didn’t bother to knock before I entered, and I didn’t bother with greetings. Manners had become so menial, so aggravatingly exhausting. I stared at my hands, waiting for her to begin her incessant nagging.
“Good morning to you too, Ava. Are you talking today, or just listening again?”
I gave her no answer. It would be a waste of breath. I had so little left in me.
“Then I will talk. And my gloves are coming off, young lady.” From the corner of my eye, I saw her shift to the edge of her seat. She had a yellow blouse on that made her dark skin glow. She always had some variation of yellow or gold on. I used to like the colour. But Doctor Aspen ruined it for me. I had started to dislike the colour as much as I disliked her. “From what I’ve heard about you, you are a smart woman. You are strong and resilient.”
I wanted to laugh at her. I was clearly none of those things.
“It’s time for you to woman-up, Ava. It’s time for you to face some facts.”
My eyes slammed shut, hoping I could shut her voice out too.
“From the video they showed me, it was obvious that you and that girl became very close. And it’s obvious by Agent Becket’s account of your reaction to said video, that the dark-haired man meant a great deal to you.”
I clasped my hands over my ears. I couldn’t take it. She had to stop. I could feel it creeping up my spine; all the things I didn’t want to feel.
