Page 32 of Seven Summers Ago
The pressure from her hand is suddenly on my back. It sinks against my skin and I force myself to suck in a breath.
“You’re burning up.” Her eyes widen while they skim over me.
From my periphery, Charlie’s lips pout and she fidgets with the hem of her shirt.
“I’m fine,” I rush out. “Don’t worry.” I say this as I look at Charlie. “Just gotta catch my breath is all.”
Rosie purses her lips, still gazing at me with concern. I give her a threatening shake of my head. I don’t want Charlie to worry about me.
“He’s okay.” Rosie shields her eyes from the sun as she peers at Charlie. “Probably just needs to exercise more to get that heart rate going, right?”
“Yeah,” I breathe out, nodding, and mouth,Thank you.
Rosie gives me a half smile and rubs my back, her touch soothing and gentle, and it awakens something inside of me that’s been dormant for so long. Shock jolts through me and I stiffen, causing her to flinch and shuffle away, leaving me alone. I’m not used to having an audience while I’m spiraling, and a panic attack is coming, so I’m grateful for the distance—a few seconds to catch my breath and compose myself.
Rosie stands next to Charlie and leans into the railing while she faces the ocean. My heart strains in my chest at the sight of them. “Do you know why this beach is so special?” Rosie’s voice carries over the sound of the wind.
Charlie shakes her head. I straighten and exhale a long breath as I shuffle to join them. Gazing at Rosie, I’m slightly dazed from the near panic attack I just had as well as from the anticipation of what she’s going to say. Is she actually about to tell Charlie about me proposing? About the shells I collected for weeks so I could spell out: MARRY ME, ROSIE? Or that we’re married?
“This is the exact spot I was standing in when I told your daddy that I was pregnant with you,” she confesses, turning her head to look at me.
As her lips pull into a smile, for a second, I’m transported to a time when Rosie and I were literally floating on top of the world. A time we were so fucking happy. Her smile is beautiful, but it shatters my heart all at once. Because the memory of that level of happiness only reminds me of the despair that followed.
Even though Charlie is here now, it’s still somehow the same. Because it still feels like I lost her. But I didn’t just lose her that day. I lost both of them.
“Yep, that’s right.” My words claw out of my throat, past the anguish. “This is where I learned I was going to be a dad. It was the best day of my life.” The confession is true, even if I’ve tried denying it for years.
I never wanted to be a dad. Not unless I was planning on having kids with Rosie. She made me want to be a dad. She made me believe I could break the cycle and be a good one.
“But I thought you didn’t know about me?” Charlie asks, and I whip my head in her direction to find a little pout on her face.
Shit.
“I didn’t. Well, I did. But then…” Okay, as much as I don’t want to admit it, Rosie was right—bringing Charlie here was a bad idea.
Rosie crouches in front of her, brushing her braid back and curling her fingers around her shoulder. “Charlie, you know how there are some days when Mommy is in a lot of pain? And sometimes, I’m in so much pain, I need to go to the hospital?”
“Yeah, and I get to go to your friend Hannah’s?”
“Yep. But sometimes, you stay and you bring me my medicine and my heating pad and we have our girls’ nights?”
Rolling her eyes dramatically, Charlie says, “Yeah, I know, Mommy because you’re an endo warrior.”
A smile brightens Rosie’s face, but my gut twists. The instant reminder of her illness has me feeling guilty because I haven’t been here for her. I didn’t even know she’d received a real diagnosis for her symptoms until a few years ago. But I have no reason to feel guilty. It’s her fault.
“That’s right. Well, a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant with you, I was in a lot of pain. So much so, I thought we lost you.” When Rosie glances over her shoulder, her green eyes are glossy. My heart throbs. “It wasn’t until a few weeks after that when I learned you were just fine and growing in my belly perfectly.”
“But I thought I was born in Seattle?”
“You were,” Rosie agrees.
Charlie frowns. She’s processing. And honestly, same, kid.
My head is still trying to figure out how we got here. How seven summers ago I stood in this same exact place and knew my life would never be the same.
“And now I’m not in your belly anymore. I’m here. With my mama and my daddy.” She smiles so big, so genuinely, that it nearly splits my heart.
“That’s right, baby girl,” Rosie says, her voice cracking and her eyes watering.
