Page 26 of Seven Summers Ago
“What else?” she asks again, eagerness in her voice.
“I don’t know. But I’ll bet if we spend some time together, we’ll find all kinds of stuff we have in common. Would you like that?”
She smiles and bobs her head excitedly. “Yes! I’ve been waiting to meet you for my whole life!” She launches herself into his arms, shocking both me and Beck.
And if Charlie’s actions weren’t enough to completely wreck me, it’s his response that does me in. He puts his strong hands on her little back and brings her in close to his chest. It’s gentle and reserved. Like he’s taking into consideration her boundaries. Afraid to fully wrap her up without her permission.
“Me too,” he whispers.
It’s faint, but I hear it. And my chest caves inward. Because after learning he didn’t lose her when he thought he had, I suppose he has been waiting for her too. I’ve held on to the guilt of keeping her from Beck all these years. I’m not proud of what I did. I had myself convinced that it was best for not only Charlie and me, but for Beck too. I had no idea what it would do to his life if he learned about her existence. When he never came after me, never attempted to work things out between us, I assumed he’d moved on.
But witnessing this interaction now…The guilt is blaring, front and center. There’s nowhere to run or hide, and it threatens to break me. I swipe my finger underneath my running nose, wishing I were anywhere but here.
Charlie pulls away and gazes at Beck with sparkling brown eyes. I watch with intent what she’ll do next. She brings up her little pointer finger and puts it up to Beck’s chin. Her eyes go big and round and she exclaims, “Ahh, I feel it. I feel your dimple.” Beck chuckles and it rumbles in my chest. Now, she takes hislong pointer finger and brings the pad of it to her chin so he can feel her dimple too, and my exhale is remorseful. “It’s the same.”
“Yep, told ya,” he agrees, and smiles. But his eyes are watering, and it guts me. He swivels it in a circular motion before bringing his hand down and returning it to his thigh.
Charlie’s smile is so big. “Can you sleepover?”
“What?” I shriek, catapulting off the railing like I’m trying to stop a collision. “No, no, Charlie…he can’t.”
Beck runs a trembling hand over the back of his neck and his eyes dance around. “Uhh, yeah…probably not.”
“Probably not?” I whisper-shout, turtling my neck in his direction. What was that response? Not the kind you give a little girl. She’s smart. You have to be direct with her.
Pouting, Charlie whines, “Why not?”
“Yeah, why not?” he challenges, crossing his arms.
I glare right back at him. “Because, Beck has his own house to sleep at. But”—I try to come up with a solution fast before she points out that I used to sleep at West’s when we had our own place—“he’s going to stay for dinner.”
He glances up at me and gives me a lopsided grin. “Sure. I’ll stay for dinner.”
“Fine,” Charlie relents, dragging out the word.
“But hey? Maybe tomorrow I can show you one of my favorite places in Golden Harbor. Would you like that?”
Charlie hops up and down on her knees, making the swing shake again. “Yes! Mama, can I go? Please?”
Nerves twist in my stomach. I glance down at my bare feet on the stained wood deck. There’s only a handful of people I trust to leave Charlie with. Letting her go with Beck, her father, should be easy. But she doesn’t know him. And the truth is, I don’t know him anymore either.
“Your mama is welcome to come too, of course.”
I lift my chin and mouth,Thank you, once his eyes meet mine. “Sounds fun. I’d love to come.” It’s a pity invite. But he knows me well enough to see my reservations.
“Yay!” She hops off the swing and reaches for Beck’s hand. “C’mon, wanna see my room?”
“Um…yeah.” He lets her take his hand but is repressed as he follows along behind her. “I’d love that.”
“Mama, I’m gonna show my daddy all my stuffed animals, okay?” Her big eyes blink up at me as they pass.
But her use ofmy daddyhas a boulder-sized lump lodged in my throat and I can’t answer, so I simply dip my chin.
“Mama let me bring six from home. I have an orca and a sea lion.” She continues chatting fast while dragging him into the house. “Have you ever seen an orca? Like, in person?”
Beck glances at me over his shoulder and we lock eyes. I dreamed but never truly believed I would hear Charlie refer to Beck as herdaddy.
I swipe at the fresh tears that race down my cheeks and turn to face the ocean, my hands gripping the railing.
