Page 74 of Heartbroken Husband
Everythinghad changed that morning. We sat in silence for a moment now, both thinking about it, obviously taken back to that morning because of what I’d said. Zach was staring at the wine bottle with an expression I couldn’t read on his face, like maybe he was either about to smile, cry, or maybe both.
Meanwhile, I stared athim, remembering so viscerally the joy that had erupted deep within when he’d said it. I’d launched myself at him, clumsy and probably still half-drunk when I’d clambered into his lap, caught his face between my hands, and kissed him.
“With this marriage,” he said finally, breaking the weighted silence between us. “I hope that I’ll be able to give you something you haven’t had for the past eight years.”
“What’s that?” I asked, desperately hoping, wishing, and praying that he was about to saylove. I knew it was unfair. I knew that I had no right to hope that he still felt anything good toward me at all, but I couldn’t help it.
Zach looked straight into my eyes again and my breath caught, but then he spoke. “Security.”
I blinked rapidly, swallowing past the disappointment that surged up like a freight train from deep down inside. “Oh. Of course. What, uh, what exactly do you mean by that?”
At this point, I needed him to spell it out for me. Clearly, I was letting my hopes run away with me. Maybe it would be better if I just knew straight up what he expected rather than letting silly old fantasies resurface.
“Someone who’ll come home for dinner every night,” he said thoughtfully. “Obviously, I don’t know this for a fact, but it doesn’t sound like Louis did that.”
I shook my head. “No. Almost never.”
More especially not for the last five years after Lu had been born. Maybe it was closer to five and a half, actually. We’d found out early that she was another girl.
“Well, then that. Definitely,” he said. “I’ll be there every single night, Adeline. I want to be the man who’s around for your daughters, a man they can depend on and who they know will never let them down. I mean, I know I’ll probably embarrass them at some point, but I plan on doing my best never to disappoint them.”
Tears stung the backs of my eyes. I tried blinking them back, but they welled anyway. “I didn’t expect you to say that.”
He shrugged just one of his shoulders this time, finally lifting his gaze back to mine. “Knowing what you went through with Louis has been hard for me. I just don’t really know what to do about it, but this feels like a start, at least.”
My eyes narrowed. “Why does it sound like you blame yourself for what I went through, Zach?”
He scoffed but didn’t say anything, just giving his head a slow shake. A sharp pain shot through me and I leaned forward, intently holding his gaze. “Itwasn’tyour fault.Nothingthat happened was because of you.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
When I realized he seriously didn’t believe that, I sighed and raked my fingers through my loose hair. “I can’t change what you think, but you should know that the girls have never had a day like this. They’ve never had a dad grilling hot dogs and letting them drink as much soda as they want.”
One of his eyebrows started arching, but I kept going. “Louis would never let us get a dog either. Even when he wasn’t home most nights and at the office all day, he still kept saying no, but now, they have Bear. You gave them one of the best days of their lives today, Zach.That’son you. None of the other stuff.”
It seemed to ease his mind a little as he turned away from me to stare at the pool, the surface now calm and glittering under a bright, high moon. “Do they know yet?”
He didn’t have to explain what he meant. “No. I haven’t told them. I figured we have a little time before theshowstarts.”
The look in his eyes when I said it immediately told me otherwise and I cocked my head. “Zach?”
“When we go back to Chicago, it’s probably going to move faster than either of us would like,” he said, grinding his teeth before turning to look at me again. “I’ll do what I can to buy us a little more time, but I wouldn’t count on having too much of it once we get back to reality.”
A little more time. Right.
I drained what remained of my wine after and stood up. “I should go to bed.”
Zach nodded, but as I turned to leave, I stopped, leaning in to press a light kiss to his temple. The cardamon and slightly spicy scent of him was the same as it used to be, and it made me feel warm and wanting as I inhaled, pulling away before he could turn toward me.
“Thank you for today,” I said. “We needed it.”
With that, I finally turned away and went back inside, feeling him watch me as I walked away. We would be here for just shy oftwo more weeks and then, apparently shortly after, that man was going to become my husband.
Right this minute, I didn’t quite know what to make of that, but one thing I knew for an absolute fact was that I wasn’t as mad about it as I probably should’ve been.
CHAPTER 27
ZACH
