Page 44 of Hard To Fall
I let out a sigh, exhausted from the day. I begin to gather the paperwork and grab my iPad, but Colt walks back into the office, and the air changes instantly.
He clears his throat like he’s forcing the words out, “I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“For disrupting the call.”
“Did your mom and dad tell you to say that, or do you mean it?” I sit back at the desk, refusing to look at him. I feel Levi's eyes bouncing between us both, and I only release a breath once Colt takes his exit.
I realize he isn’t used to apologizing; he’s just not used tonotgetting his way. He speaks, and it happens. I don’t think he’s ever had someone say, “No, you can’t do that,” or “Not like that anymore.” He just has to realize, I’m not being a bitch by leaving his name off; it’s for his own good.
~~
By late afternoon, the sun is slowly working its way past the horizon, and the sky is painted pink. I walk the arena grounds with my iPad, entering data and mentally mapping sponsor placements along the fences.
I’m at the far end of the stalls when I hear footsteps behind me, and I know immediately who it is. I won’t acknowledge his presence; I just keep my head down.
“Lily,” he says. My name on his tongue still does something to me, and I hate it.
I take a breath and turn, calm expression in place. “Yes?”
“I—” he starts and stops, his jaw ticks, and then he tries again. “I didn’t—” He stops again, and I wait. I won’t rescue him or put words in his mouth. I want to hear how he gets out of this on his own.
Finally, he exhales, and the words aren’t an apology. “You really gonna act like I don’t exist now?”
I blink once because of theaudacityof this man right now.
“You’re the one who said I’m temporary,” I remind him gently. “I’m just following your lead.”
His eyes darken, and I see pain and fear dance across his face.
Good.
I turn back to my iPad, and my hands stay steady, but my heart? If he looked closely, I bet he could see it beating out of my chest.
Behind me, his voice drops, and he tries again.
“Lily.”
I close my eyes and exhale slowly. But I don't look at him when I say, “I’m here to save your rodeo, Colt.” Then I add, still without looking at him, “Don’t ask me to save you, too, if you’re going to keep pushing me away every time you feel something.”
There’s silence, and then I hear the retreat of his boots. It hurts to hear him walk away, but it's not the first time. And I won't beg. I told him that already, even if I can feel his eyes on my back, willing me to turn around. He’s got to make this choice, not me.
CHAPTER 17
COLT
It’s beena whole week of quiet for me.
Not completely quiet—the place is still buzzing with the excitement of the upcoming show, with sponsors coming in and delivery guys prepping tents—but the kind of quiet that presses into your chest. The kind of silence that feels wrong and empty. The kind that tells me I’m being a complete asshole.
I lean against the fence by the back pasture, hat low, hands on the top rail, knee throbbing in a slow pulse I’ve learned to ignore.
Everything hurts lately.
I still hear Lily’s laugh; her sunshine surrounds her when she’s with my brother, my parents, the NextGen Kids, and even the new sponsors. I see the way they light up when she enters the room. I’d be lying if I said I didn't light up, too.
But it’s like she reserves herself to be strictly professional when I'm around. She’s someone she’s not anymore, but only around me.
