Page 41 of Hard To Fall
“I’m not scared,” I growl. “I’m smart.”
She steps closer. “Then why are you shaking?”
I don’t realize I am until I look at my hands.
“You think this is love?” I say.
“Anything can be love if you want it to be.” Her voice cracks just a little. “My injury wasn’t,” she replies. “But it still found me and changed my life for the better. That’s love, right? It makes you better.”
All I can do is look at her. I can’t look away.
“You’re not the only one who lost something,” she says. “You’re not the only one who is trying to rebuild. You’re not the only one who’s scared of losing who they are. You’re not alone here.” Her voice rises in each sentence. She steps back. “But I won’t beg you to choose me.”
Fuck me. I should stop this train, but I can’t. My stubbornness is too loud in my head. My pain is too severe in my knee, and the impending races I'm going to have to pull from, leaving an asterisk by my name, is eating me alive.
“You’re right,” I say coldly. “You shouldn’t.”
Her mouth drops open, and she stares at me as she whispers, “Who are you?”
That’s the moment I lose her. I know it, and worse, I feel it in my bones.
Her wall shoots right up in front of me. Warm sunshine is gone, and cold brick is in its place. She doesn’t give me another word after that. Just turns and walks away, not looking back once.
And I stand there, dirty outside from a fight with my brother, hurt inside from a fight with her. My pride is bruised, and my stupidity is leading my heart. A slow clap behind me has me turning around to see Levi watching the whole thing.
“Congratulations, you just blew it,” he says.
“I did what I had to do.”
He shakes his head. “No. You did what you always do.”
CHAPTER 16
LILY
The worst partisn’t what Colt said. It’s that I let myself believe this was real before he actually said it wasn’t.
I let myself believe he meant every word, every kiss, every touch.
The way we spoke about the same trauma, except that mine was steps behind me, and his was coming up. I thought I’d help him see how life can still move on.
I let myself believe that in the middle of all his storm, this grump of a guy still chose me.
Turns out, he just borrowed me.
So I do what I’ve always done when something hurts. I work. I’m calm, cool, and professional, and I bury my heart where he can’t touch it.
I walked away from him, left him standing there, and didn’t look back. It’s now one in the afternoon, and I’ve had more than my share of a full day. But I keep going. I have more sponsor calls lined up, vendor follow-ups, and, of course, the upcoming rodeo we’ve been planning to draw in a fresh crowd.
Staying busy is my safe place. Busy won’t let me cry, ache, or dwell on what-ifs. Busy definitely doesn’t let me remember how he felt inside me.
I’ve called a meeting to go over the lineup for this upcoming rodeo, and the Callahan family filters in like they always do. Will first, quiet and watchful. Maria next, bright and sharp-eyed. Levi after them, sauntering in like he owns all the oxygen.
And then Colt.
He pauses in the doorway when he sees me. I don’t know what he expected, but he should know better than to think I would have left or that he would find me crying. Nope, I won’t do it. I’m here to work, and if he thinks my time here is just temporary, then I have work to do before I leave.
“Good afternoon, everyone,” I say, voice neutral.
