Page 77 of Loyal
When I think about leaving Loyal, I can physically feel my heart breaking, and it becomes hard to breathe. I don’t want to. It’s the last thing I want. Especially where I’ve fallen for him.
But at the end of the day Farrah comes first. So I say the one thing I never thought I’d say.
“Okay, I’ll end it.”
When Sami texted me asking if I could come over, I assumed it was to spend a little alone time together, but now looking at her face, I realize I had it all wrong.
“Are you okay?” I ask as she steps aside to let me into the house, not bothering to touch me like she normally would.
That was the first red flag. The second is the splotchy cheeks and eyes rimmed red.
Sami doesn’t answer my question and heads right into the living room where she promptly sinks onto the couch, pulling her legs up. She even goes as far as wrapping her arms around her shins, closing herself off completely.
“Mami,I need you to talk to me,” I beg as I move toward her.
“I had a visit today from CPS,” she says robotically.
“Excuse me? I think I heard you wrong.” I shake my head.
She laughs sarcastically. “I had the same reaction when she told me who she was. I honestly thought it was a bad dream. That the cleaning supplies I had been working with had finally gone to my head, but no, it was very much real.”
“Why did she come?”
“Billy, why else? He made a claim. The worker said Farrah repeated his report verbatim and that she questioned the legitimacy. After she left, I talked with Farrah, and well, she made it clear. She is tired of being put in the middle.”
“No…” I say, shaking my head, already knowing where this is going.
She looks down at her legs, tears trailing down her cheeks.
“She thinks that if I end things with you, it will make both of our lives easier. Billy will still be a pain in the ass, but he won’t do shit like today.”
“Mami, we both know he won’t stop. He will keep pressuring you until you get back with him,” I say even though she basically just said the same thing.
She nods slowly. “I know, but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t see you anymore. At least not right now,” she chokes out
Tears start falling down my face.
It’s been a long time since I cried, but today I let them fall freely. The woman I love is in so much pain that she is breaking in front of me, and there is nothing I can do about it. I can’t make her stay or try to convince her to change her mind because Farrah has to come first.
I hate that she’s right. That if I’m not in the picture maybe just maybe he won’t ride her as hard as he has been. Maybe he won’t try to make my life with the club hell or pit Farrah against her.
What she’s saying makes sense logically, and I fucking hate it.
“This is the last thing I want,” I tell her honestly.
“Me too, but we don’t get everything we want. If Farrah could accept you, maybe, but…” she mutters sadly.
“Mami, you’re doing what any good mother would do. You’re putting your girl first, even though she hasn’t exactly been the best daughter.” She shoots me a dirty look. “I’m not trying to be mean, but we both know she hasn’t been the most supportive since the separation.”
“She’s my daughter.” She shrugs.
“Exactly, and you’re breaking your own heart to make her happy. I hate it, but I get it.” I reach out and grab her knee. “Just know though that even though we won’t be together, I’m still next door. I will do whatever I can for you, no questions asked.I’ll help you up close or from a distance. Whatever you need. I’m walking away for now, but as far as I’m concerned, this is temporary.”
She sobs at my words, and I stop holding back. I reach over and pull her into my arms.
“It’s okay, baby. It’s all going to be okay. Life is going to get easier. You and Farrah are going to be able to repair what’s broken between you two. It’s all going to work out and while it’s happening I’m going to be cheering you on,” I tell her as we both cry.
“God, why do you have to be so damn sweet?” she sobs.
