Page 114 of Deking
I don’t acknowledge his words. Truth is, his girlfriend is the only reason I know Lyla is okay. I haven’t texted her because she asked for space, but Cora didn’t give a fuck. She’s been texting her daily.
At first, she got one-word answers, but she has slowly coaxed more from Lyla. She is building her friendship with her, and I’m grateful for that. Even if I am also jealous of it. I want to be building my relationship with her, but I can’t. Not until she wants me to be in this with her.
“Want to go get some food?” Jason asks.
“You and Calvin need to watch your intake. You eat out too much,” Kellan chastises them.
“You’re just jealous that you are so old that you can’t work off the carbs anymore. Huh, old man,” Calvin jokes.
“Dude, you are ten months younger than me,” Kellan gripes.
The familiarity of them bickering has me smiling. If it wasn’t for my friends, I don’t think I would have managed to stay away this long.
“Okay, let’s go get some food.”
As we head out of the practice rink, I almost miss her. She’s standing off to the side looking unsure of herself.
I could never not know when she is around, though. It’s as if my body is drawn to her like a gravitational pull. Where she is at is where I want to be.
“Lyla,” I breathe out.
The guys stop, looking from me to her.
“We will catch you later,” Kellan mutters, urging the other two along.
“Can we talk?” Lyla asks.
“Yeah. Not here. Let’s go talk on the bench over by the library,” I tell her.
She nods, falling into step beside me. I want to reach out and take her hand, but I no longer have that privilege. It kills me to know that.
The walk isn’t a long one. Only a few minutes, but my anxiety is through the roof by the time we get there.
What is she going to say? Is she going to tell me that she’s thought about it and I’m not enough for her?
“How are you doing?” I ask her softly when we take a seat.
“Taking it day by day. I won’t say I’m fine, but I will be. He would want me to keep living my life,” she says.
I nod, knowing it’s the truth. All Jerry wanted for his children was for them to be happy.
After a few moments of silence, she turns toward me. I give her my full attention.
“This was never fake for you, was it?” she asks.
I swallow hard. “No.”
“You never needed me to keep girls away?”
“No,” I repeat.
“How long?”
I don’t need to ask for clarification. She wants to know how long my obsession has been going on. I want to tell her the truth, but I also know what a risk that is.
“Freshman year orientation.”
She frowns. “I didn’t know you then…did I?”
