Page 108 of Deking
“What the hell is going on?” Clay steps in, the OG captain of this group.
I hang my head. “I have been in love with Lyla since freshman year. She was dating that douche canoe Kyle, though. So I waited. Then when he made the mistake of letting her go, I swooped in, but she wasn’t ready for the real thing. I was scared. I didn’t want to lose my shot, so I made it all up.”
“That girl doesn’t have fake feelings for you,” Cora adds.
“I think her feelings are real, but she won’t talk to me now. She said she needed space. I’m worried that when she is done with this space, she won’t need me anymore. I have no idea what to do,” I admit.
“Wow. I never thought I would see the day,” Brett mutters.
“Shut up, Brett,” Emery says, smacking him across the back of his head.
“Ow. Fuck,” he curses.
“Language,” she chastises him.
He frowns, rubbing his head, but doesn’t say another word.
Peyton steps forward. “She was close to her dad?”
I nod.
She gives me a sad smile. “Then she is trying to process those feelings. Sometimes we need to compartmentalize. Since you started as fake, she was likely already confused by whatever is going on between you two. Now she can’t think about it because her mind is preoccupied. All you can do is be there for her. I can’t promise you that she will come back, but if you love her, you want what’s best for her, right?”
I nod.
“Good. Then you let her decide what that is. Even if that’s not you.”
Peyton’s words cut like a knife, but I know it’s the truth. It’s the advice I would give myself if I were an unbiased outsider.
Still doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
I click the side button on my phone, bringing up her picture. She is beautiful, smart, and funny. Everything I imagined she would be and more.
I don’t want to lose her, but I meant what I said to her.
I would be whatever she needs, even if it means I need to be a ghost.
I only hope it doesn’t kill me in the process.
twenty-seven
Today is the second hardest day of my life. The first was finding out my father was truly gone. Now to say goodbye to him and lay him to rest. I don’t know how I am going to get through this.
Part of me wants to call Wyatt and ask him to come. Let him hold my hand through this.
The other part doesn’t want our fake relationship to taint this moment for me. I don’t want to let him in for fear that this was never real for him. My heart can’t take another blow.
“Are you ready?” Will asks from the doorway.
I look over my shoulder at him. He looks handsome in his suit. He didn’t want to spend the money for it, but I told him he should. He should look his best today. I even bought a new black dress so that I could feel more put together than I am.
“Yeah. I’m ready,” I whisper.
This has been tough on me, but Will has taken it harder. Dad was his best friend. Growing up, I was the princess, but he and Dad were two peas in a pod. I have found Will sitting in the dark staring off into space more often than not these last few days.
So I sucked it up and did all the planning. I called the doctors and informed them he had passed. I canceled the home service. I went through his medications and filled out the death certificate.
It was the least I could do. Will has been my rock since Dad got his diagnosis. I will be his rock now.
