Page 102 of One for the Road
“You know why I care. I’m sorry if I insert myself into your business.” He shook his head. “But it makes me sick to think of him walking all over you.” The words, his solemn expression, made me melt.
“I know.” I didn’t owe him an explanation, but I gave him one anyway. The only one that made sense. “This is going to sound stupid, but when Cameron and I got together, it’s like . . .” I searched for the words. “Like, I was treading water. Barely keeping my head above the waves and he . . . he plucked me to safety. Gave me financial security, a family – everything I’d been missing. And when I felt the ship starting to sink, I clung to it – desperately.” I felt sostupid now, so naive as I said, “I’d come to rely on him so completely, I couldn’t swim on my own.” Tears pricked my eyes. “It’s taken me months to get to the point where I feel like I can breathe again. This time, I need to learn to swim for myself.”
His hand slid to cup my cheek. “I think you’re learning to swim beautifully, Isla, love.” There was that fizzing again. Deep in my belly. “Accepting help doesn’t mean you’re drowning.”
Unable to talk, I waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. Just continued to stroke my cheek.
This was definitely breaking the rules.
“You don’t need to do that.” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to back away. Had nowhere to go. “No one can see us.”
“Maybe I like touching you.” He cupped my cheek more completely. The pad of his thumb pressing against my lower lip. I exhaled roughly, antiseptic, mint and his expensive cologne making me dizzy. “I think you like me touching you too.”
He couldn’t mean. . . “We agreed—”
“I know what we agreed. Fuck!” His eyes burned into mine. If I peeled back his skin, I was certain I’d find flames licking along his veins. “All I’ve done for days is think about it. Searching for any excuse to poke holes in my own rules.”
This changes nothing. The memory hummed between us.
Despite the promise, something had changed for me.
This unwanted drag. This . . . curiosity.
Weeks ago, I’d labelled it dislike, unwilling to call it its true name.
Longing.
Now, as he continued to disarm me at every turn, that longing felt natural, instinctual. Like digging your feet in sand. A plant growing toward the sun. Like it had been wired into my brain emotionally, biologically or psychologically – I didn’t know; I’d almost flunked out of science class.
All I knew was that I had to be careful with it. I wanted him. But I also knew I couldn’t rely on him.
He never asked you to, I told myself.
He was going to leave, just like he said he would. Follow his plan.
That detail didn’t scare me as he stared at my lips, his thumb pressing them apart. “Isla . . .”Yes.Kiss me. I might have whimpered. “I think perhaps—”
A knock rattled the door. Startling us both.
Neither of us moved. Clinging to each other, our wild gazes locked.
I think perhaps–what?I wanted to scream.
A shout came through the door. “Put your clothes back on. Mum’s serving the pie.” Heather.
“Coming,” Alistair called, voice thick. His fingers seeming to tighten before releasing me slowly. Reluctantly.
A breath rushed out of me, the space between us suddenly so cold.
This was stupid for a million different reasons, but disappointment sat heavy in my stomach.
I’d wanted him to kiss me . . . would have welcomed anything he’d offered. All the while promising myself that a kiss with Alistair would never be anything more than exactly that – just a kiss.
It would be my safety net to ensure there’d be no fall waiting for me at the end of this.
No bone-crushing landing when he was gone.
But when we slid out of his bedroom door and my heart was still racing, the truth crept into me, unwelcome.
