Page 88 of Kind of Famous
“Well, Noah seems to hate me, and Micah’s practically married,” I joked.
“Yeah.” He didn’t laugh, obviously. It was a stupid thing for me to say.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
He lifted me off him and sat up. “Are you hungry?” Without acknowledging my lame apology, he picked up the room service menu and started to flip through it.
I was actually starving, but I took the menu from him and set it on the table.
“Shane.”
“I’m sorry. I keep doing that.”
He lay back down beside me, but his enthusiasm had gone from ready-and-willing to reluctant suitor in the span of a thoughtless comment.
I threaded my fingers through his. “We have to talk about this.”
He let out a long breath. “I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.”
“Too late. You just shut down completely. It’s already a big deal. Do you really think I’m secretly pining for Noah?”
“Of course not. I told you, it’s my issue. It has nothing to do with you.”
“It has everything to do with me.”
“No, it’s my personal history. You saw those girls tonight, right? That scene has played out every night for the past several years.”
“That’s only proof I should be the jealous one. You’re surrounded every night by women who throw themselves at you.”
“At Noah.”
I rolled my eyes. “Would you be happier if they were throwing themselves at you? Should I worry you’ll sleep with the first groupie who notices how hot you are?”
“Of course not.” He furrowed his brow. “Have I given you any reason to think I’d do that?”
“Just making a point.” I squeezed his hand. “We’re going to have to learn to trust each other. Do you trust me?”
His thumb caressed my wrist. “You’ve never given me any reason not to.”
“Except when I gawk at your friends.”
“Only because when you do that, it reminds me that I’m nothing special.”
“That’s not true.”
“But this is what I mean when I say it’smyproblem.Myreaction is what’s wrong.”
“Yeah, but it’s in reaction to me.”
“Can you help it when you turn into a statue around Adam?”
“No.”
“Exactly. And right now, I can’t help how it feels when you stare longingly at Micah. How am I supposed to just get over a fear that lives in my bones? I know that you don’t evenlikeNoah, and yet this demon lurks, waiting for proof to the contrary. It doesn’t care about facts or reality. It keeps whispering that you’re going to figure out I’m not good enough for you and leave. Maybe not for Noah or Micah, but someone better will come along, and you’ll realize I have nothing to offer you.”
Ugh. All those red flags I’d been ignoring crystallized into my very worst nightmare. And yet, I wanted to run toward this particular danger. I wanted to douse the fire, or at least give Shane the chance to extinguish it himself. In the past, I would have already planned my escape.
Maybe I was foolish, but I geared up and entered the burning building.
